How handle out-of-area move possibility when divorcing with children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the dad or mom should move where they need to for jobs, family, etc.

You can move. But you don't get to take our kids with you.

[Anonymous]

We had primary physical custody of all our kids, including my stepchildren. When my DH was transferred out of the area his ex did everything she could to prevent us from moving. In the end all she got was a big bill from her attorney. We were allowed to move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the dad or mom should move where they need to for jobs, family, etc.

You can move. But you don't get to take our kids with you.

I did, so guess you're wrong and many do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the dad or mom should move where they need to for jobs, family, etc.

You can move. But you don't get to take our kids with you.

Not true in our case. Both my ex-husband and my DH's ex-wife tried to prevent us from moving the kids out of the area. We had no trouble at all getting the court to give us permission to move with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there's shared custody, how is the possibility of moving out of state at any point in the future handled in the agreement? Do couples usually agree that there won't be out-of-state moves until the youngest child is X years old, or what?

Where do you live. In md for eg I don't think there are any laws about this - depends on your agreement. But if you're doing it to cut the other person out of the kids lives ......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are usually barred from leaving until they are out of high school.

'

This is not true. OP, you should talk to an attorney if you might want to keep open this possibility.

I was told that I could move if I got remarried, or got a better job elsewhere, or even if I needed to move closer to family. My ex could take me back to court to protest it, but I would win. I have joint custody, and I am the primary custodial caretaker.

Do NOT get advice from here. Talk to an attorney. Two attorneys gave me the same information - don't believe that you can never leave. Don't let that language go into any divorce agreement.

And remember, Everything is Negotiable. Everything.

Your attorney gave you bad advice. He has no way of knowing how a judge would rule on your case. Most judges would rule that it would be best for the children to see both children regularly.

No, multiple attorneys all gave me the same sound advice.

I guess I should add that I actually am moving, more than 200 miles away. My three children are moving with me. All finalized.

OP, go and talk to three attorneys at least. They will give you definitive answers. And even though their answers will basically be the same, they will approach the situation from different angles sometimes, and that can be so helpful as you move forward.

Good luck to you. Also, you can check out surviving infidelity.com, divorce forum, for more stories from people who have been through this. Lots of people there have moved from one place to another after divorce. In fact, ten years after a divorce, it's rare to see a family situation that looks like the divorce agreement. People get new jobs, remarried, have babies with new wives, go bankrupt - all sorts of things happen in life. Things change, and you can't always stay in one place.

Your poor kids. Is their father really so awful that you would have them separated from him full time?

Maybe it can be done, but in most cases it shouldn't be.

If it's because of a better job or to be near her family then it sounds like a great idea. No ex has the right to dictate
where the other lives. My friend moved to another state to be closer to her family, the court approved it and they redid the visitation etc. All good.

And him and his family ??

[Anonymous]

This is the thing about divorce: you lose the ability to control any aspect of the other person's life. So yes, they can move, and then you get to deal with how to get your kid there for visitation and such. Sometimes people have to move for jobs- that's reality and it's not a character flaw. Does it suck for the kids? Yeah, but so does a lot of stuff about divorce. And I'm not one of those rabid anti-divorce people either but don't be deluded about what divorce means and how it will affect you.

[Anonymous]

We have it written into our agreement. I can move anywhere I want as long as I give ex 90 days notice. This took a lot of negotiation on my part, but it was of huge importance to me.

I have family in another country and have very serious health issues. I wanted the option to move back home if my health deteriorated. We have joint legal custody; however, kids are with me 95% of the time.

Before the agreement was finalized, my ex ended up moving to another city (about a four hour drive away) to live with his girlfriend. He still insisted that I should not be able to move unless we went back to court. I was confident that I would win at our trial, so I didn't back down.

It is possible that the ex could take me back to court and try to force me to stay put (that's probably why he wanted the 90 days notice in our agreement). The truth of the matter is that he is now so ensconced in his new life that I highly doubt he would pursue any court action to stop me from moving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are usually barred from leaving until they are out of high school.

'

This is not true. OP, you should talk to an attorney if you might want to keep open this possibility.

I was told that I could move if I got remarried, or got a better job elsewhere, or even if I needed to move closer to family. My ex could take me back to court to protest it, but I would win. I have joint custody, and I am the primary custodial caretaker.

Do NOT get advice from here. Talk to an attorney. Two attorneys gave me the same information - don't believe that you can never leave. Don't let that language go into any divorce agreement.

And remember, Everything is Negotiable. Everything.

You were told wrong. Most judges prohibit moving with the kids until they are out of high school.

[Anonymous]

I think posters are blithe about relocating and taking kids. Sure it happens, but not if spouse fights it.

E.g., I met a single dad. Xw took a post in west, assumed she'd get to keep their kids, he took it t o court, they live with him. She sees them ONE MONTH of the year. Judges like continuity of schools and friends and if taken to court it is very hard t o move a child against wishes of parent who stays in child's current school boundary.