Invited to friend's second baby shower in 2 years and feeling everything at once.

[Anonymous]

Just got an invitation to a close friend's second baby shower in 2 years. We recently got the news that our chances of natural conception are extremely low after trying during the same 2 year period. I helped throw her first shower because she was an unwed mother and her family was extremely disapproving. I did everything I could to be supportive and make her feel like her child was special and loved. She's now married to the father and they are expecting their second child.

Part of me wants to be a good friend and be just as excited for this baby as the last, but part of me is also really jeolous, and part of me is judging how tacky it seems to have 2 baby showers, a bridal shower, and a wedding in the span of two years, coupled with the fact that they could barely afford the kid they currently have, yet actively tried for another.

I know that I should suck it up, buy a gift, and be there for my friend, but I'm sad and jeolous, and a little angry that she can get pregnant whenever she is so irresponsible in this regard, can get pregnant so easily, and expects us all to throw more gifts at her. Advice?

[Anonymous]

Baby showers are about the baby not about her responsibilities, relationship status, financial issues, etc. With that said, if you do not want to go, decline.

[Anonymous]

Your feelings are normal and healthy. If you can't get over them, don't go. I you can, buy something useful for the baby.
You should not participate in planning or throwing the shower yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just got an invitation to a close friend's second baby shower in 2 years. We recently got the news that our chances of natural conception are extremely low after trying during the same 2 year period. I helped throw her first shower because she was an unwed mother and her family was extremely disapproving. I did everything I could to be supportive and make her feel like her child was special and loved. She's now married to the father and they are expecting their second child.

Part of me wants to be a good friend and be just as excited for this baby as the last, but part of me is also really jeolous, and part of me is judging how tacky it seems to have 2 baby showers, a bridal shower, and a wedding in the span of two years, coupled with the fact that they could barely afford the kid they currently have, yet actively tried for another.

I know that I should suck it up, buy a gift, and be there for my friend, but I'm sad and jeolous, and a little angry that she can get pregnant whenever she is so irresponsible in this regard, can get pregnant so easily, and expects us all to throw more gifts at her. Advice?

This. Be annoyed. Infertility sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Baby showers are about the baby not about her responsibilities, relationship status, financial issues, etc. With that said, if you do not want to go, decline.

I recognize that, but those facts are affecting how I'm feeling about her and her decision to have this baby. It's frustrating that I've done everything I could to be prepared and ready for a baby, but she never has and is popping them out looking at all of us to finance it. She's still collecting WIC from the first baby!! I will love the baby, but I'm pretty irritated by its mother right now. I just don't know the best way to handle the shower. I planned the first one and it'd be pretty strange for me to not even attend this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your feelings are normal and healthy. If you can't get over them, don't go. I you can, buy something useful for the baby.
You should not participate in planning or throwing the shower yourself.

+1

[Anonymous]

Don't go. It doesn't sound like you like her anyway.

[Anonymous]

Get a token gift. She should have everything from first kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't go. It doesn't sound like you like her anyway.

She means the world to me. I'm just not always thrilled with her decisions. Surely you can understand that.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't get DCUM started on second baby showers. You will hear here exactly how tacky this is.

[Anonymous]

OP, infertility sucks. Having said that there are two distinct thought process here.

If you think that your friend is an unfit parent and fiscally irresponsible and a moocher, then please do not attend the baby shower. You do not owe anything to her and do not need to enable her.

However, if you think she is undeserving of being fertile because you are a better person and more deserving of having kids, then you are being very petty and selfish. In such a case, she does not deserve your negativity. Please remove yourself from her celebration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a token gift. She should have everything from first kid.

It is super tacky to have a baby shower, wedding shower, baby, wedding and another baby shower in two years.

In my circle, you get 1 shower as a mom. I woudln't go, but I always send a gift for the new baby. Sounds like they could use diapers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't go. It doesn't sound like you like her anyway.

She means the world to me. I'm just not always thrilled with her decisions. Surely you can understand that.

I can't. The decisions make the person.

[Anonymous]

OP: give yourself a break. you've been through a lot. you can be a good friend to her in many ways and in the future.

putting yourself through the shower, regardless of whether she should or should not have it, is too much for you right now.

send a gift and focus on other things in your life. i found travel to be a very healthy distraction when we we struggled with IF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't go. It doesn't sound like you like her anyway.

She means the world to me. I'm just not always thrilled with her decisions. Surely you can understand that.

I can't. The decisions make the person.

OP, please ignore this nasty poster and don't feel bad skipping the shower.