Boss treating me differently for being a woman

[Anonymous]

I travel pretty frequently for work, always to first world countries. Last year, a trip to Eastern Europe came up, and it went to my male coworker. My boss flat out said it would have worked better to send me but my "husband would have killed him for sending you there."

It's not an extremely dangerous country, although not the safest, and women business travelers visit all the time. But his comment about my husband has stuck with me, and I juts feel icky about it. Does he really think I need my husband's approval to travel? Is there any way I can tell him that I make my own decisions as to my safety?

[Anonymous]

You should have said to him right when he made the comment "Thank you for considering my safety, but as an adult, I am confident in my ability to make my own decisions about my safety."

[Anonymous]

Given that you already travel frequently for work for this boss (so you must be in a fairly professional job, and fairly competent), I'm having a hard time imaging what eastern european country could possibly give anyone pause to send you. Which suggests to me that that wasn't a real reason, but was probably just your boss making a lame joke to deflect the issue of why he sent another person in your stead. Instead of having to have an awkward conversation with you about "well, john hasn't had as many opportunities as you, and he did a really good job on that business plan, so i thought it was his turn" he just made a lame joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Given that you already travel frequently for work for this boss (so you must be in a fairly professional job, and fairly competent), I'm having a hard time imaging what eastern european country could possibly give anyone pause to send you. Which suggests to me that that wasn't a real reason, but was probably just your boss making a lame joke to deflect the issue of why he sent another person in your stead. Instead of having to have an awkward conversation with you about "well, john hasn't had as many opportunities as you, and he did a really good job on that business plan, so i thought it was his turn" he just made a lame joke.

And forgot to add - i agree with the PP about what you could have said on the spot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Given that you already travel frequently for work for this boss (so you must be in a fairly professional job, and fairly competent), I'm having a hard time imaging what eastern european country could possibly give anyone pause to send you. Which suggests to me that that wasn't a real reason, but was probably just your boss making a lame joke to deflect the issue of why he sent another person in your stead. Instead of having to have an awkward conversation with you about "well, john hasn't had as many opportunities as you, and he did a really good job on that business plan, so i thought it was his turn" he just made a lame joke.

Possibly - but I do know I've been turned down for countries like Saudi Arabia (obviously), so it's on his mind.

[Anonymous]

maybe- but let this one pass.
If he does it again, tell him you are willing to travel anywhere (but before you do, think about if you really want to spend frequent time in countries that may be unsafe for women)

[Anonymous]

Talk to him. In his mind, he may be doing the right thing. if you are not afraid to travel to countries that some may deem unsafe to women, tell him that.

[Anonymous]

Which country

[Anonymous]

Shouldnt you be thanking him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have said to him right when he made the comment "Thank you for considering my safety, but as an adult, I am confident in my ability to make my own decisions about my safety."

+1 million.

And follow up in writing: "Dear Larlo, following up on your explanation for why I was not sent to Latvia, (my husband would not allow it) I would like to memorialize that I am available for all foreign travel regardless of destination and that my spouse plays no role in my decision making or availability. I look forward to being given the very next complex travel assignment of my choosing." And cc: HR and his boss.

OP, this is clearly discrimination.

[Anonymous]

It's inappropriate for him to make lame jokes.
It's inappropriate for him to make decisions about your safety. If you decide your safety is at risk and don't want to go -- that's your decision to make. You are an adult. He is not your father, he is your boss.
He cannot pre-empt your travel for you. You should be offered the assignment and have the opportunity to turn it down should there be travel safety considerations. And, in this age of Skype and Linx, there is no reason you cannot "visit" an unsafe destination.

[Anonymous]

I travel 50% for work, much of which is international. An assignment came up that would require travel to a place that was not the safest local, especially as a woman traveling alone. My boss brought it up and mentioned that he wouldn't recommend I take it, I agreed, and I was very appreciative that I didn't have to ask for a travel exemption.

Truth is there are still many places in the world that are unsafe to travel as a woman alone. Trust me, your boss was doing you a favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have said to him right when he made the comment "Thank you for considering my safety, but as an adult, I am confident in my ability to make my own decisions about my safety."

+1 million.

And follow up in writing: "Dear Larlo, following up on your explanation for why I was not sent to Latvia, (my husband would not allow it) I would like to memorialize that I am available for all foreign travel regardless of destination and that my spouse plays no role in my decision making or availability. I look forward to being given the very next complex travel assignment of my choosing." And cc: HR and his boss.

OP, this is clearly discrimination.

+100.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have said to him right when he made the comment "Thank you for considering my safety, but as an adult, I am confident in my ability to make my own decisions about my safety."

+1 million.

And follow up in writing: "Dear Larlo, following up on your explanation for why I was not sent to Latvia, (my husband would not allow it) I would like to memorialize that I am available for all foreign travel regardless of destination and that my spouse plays no role in my decision making or availability. I look forward to being given the very next complex travel assignment of my choosing." And cc: HR and his boss.

OP, this is clearly discrimination.

+100.

I agree with this. But the reason was speculation : "that you believed my husband would not allow it"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I travel 50% for work, much of which is international. An assignment came up that would require travel to a place that was not the safest local, especially as a woman traveling alone. My boss brought it up and mentioned that he wouldn't recommend I take it, I agreed, and I was very appreciative that I didn't have to ask for a travel exemption.

Truth is there are still many places in the world that are unsafe to travel as a woman alone. Trust me, your boss was doing you a favor.

No, her boss was not doing her a favor. Boss can bring it up as something for OP to consider and let OP make the call but refusing to allow her an opportunity based on her gender is discrimination.