How would you feel about "friends" who haven't contact you while you are separated?

[Anonymous]

However, they continue to socialize with your ex? The "friends" are a couple we used to socialize with as a family and they have not contacted me once to see how I was doing during the separation. We are at year 2 of the separation.

[Anonymous]

They made a choice. Move on.

[Anonymous]

I would be reflecting on what I did/said to make them chose the ex. Did you constantly discuss your problems?

Make new friends. Don't air issues.

[Anonymous]

Op here. No, I never discussed our problems with the "friends". I have made new friends and would not be comfortable again in their presence.

[Anonymous]

My ex was annoyed with the friends who socialized with me after we separated. He felt that they were choosing sides, and he was miffed that they didn't choose his side (I was the one who left).

In reality, I was the one who maintained those relationships. I was the one who made the plans, and I didn't stop making plans with friends when we split up. As far as I know, he didn't ever try to get together with them - just complained to me that they were choosing me.

Has the spouse who is feeling spurned tried to hang out with the friends and been rejected? If so, then yes. Move on and make new friends. If not, be proactive.

[Anonymous]

So you haven't reached out to them at all in two years, or you've reached out and had your overtures rebuffed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. No, I never discussed our problems with the "friends". I have made new friends and would not be comfortable again in their presence.

So who cares then?

Your reply indicates you've moved on. Why are you posting?

[Anonymous]

Have you contacted them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. No, I never discussed our problems with the "friends". I have made new friends and would not be comfortable again in their presence.

So who cares then?

Your reply indicates you've moved on. Why are you posting?

OP here. I thought I was being too harsh in my attitude towards them. Our kids are the same age, so when my ex socializes with them, he takes our child along. If for a hypothetical reason, my ex and I were to ever reconcile and get back together, I don't think I could ever invite them over nor go over to their house. I thought maybe I was being too petty.

thanks for your response.

[Anonymous]

OP. I hear you! I am newly separated and I have to fight back anger at everyone who chooses to socialize with my separated spouse. When I had friends who were thinking of separating it was all I could do to counsel them to stay together. So when people go out with my separated spouse it pisses me off that I know they are trying to set her up and stuff. She tells me this because we still stay in touch. If we ever reconciled I would hate those people.

[Anonymous]

OP here. The "friends" are aware why we separated. My ex had an affair and a child with his homewrecker of a whore. To me this is doubly hurtful. I feel like they just left me in the cold.

During my ex's affair and when he moved out, I was reeling and not very strong emotionally to reach out to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The "friends" are aware why we separated. My ex had an affair and a child with his homewrecker of a whore. To me this is doubly hurtful. I feel like they just left me in the cold.

During my ex's affair and when he moved out, I was reeling and not very strong emotionally to reach out to anyone.

It's possible they thought you didn't want to be bothered with them. You don't know what your husband told them, so why hold it against them? And not to be unkind, but another possibility is that they cared for your husband more than you and would rather be friends with him. Unless you were under the impression that you were super close to them personally, it's disappointing but not really a reason to be angry- those things happen.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hate to say it, but if you keep talking to your friends about a "homewrecker of a whore" you may be sending off a lot of bitter vibes and wanting to talk about things that they don't. I'm not saying you don't have legitimate reasons to feel hurt, but people don't want to feel uncomfortably in the middle of things.

[Anonymous]

After my divorce, I found all mutual friends chose sides. I think sometimes couple friends go with the guys because men usually don't have a ton of friendships so if your husband was buddies with this guy, the wife might just go along with sustaining that. Plus, if your ex recoupled, it's easy enough for them to continue doing couple things with the new woman. Nice? No-- but easy. And most people want easy because they don't want to get stuck in the middle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hate to say it, but if you keep talking to your friends about a "homewrecker of a whore" you may be sending off a lot of bitter vibes and wanting to talk about things that they don't. I'm not saying you don't have legitimate reasons to feel hurt, but people don't want to feel uncomfortably in the middle of things.

+1
This is very well stated.