Marriage counselor recommendations - Fighting since LO was born, 8 months ago

[Anonymous]

Does anyone have a marriage counselor recommendation in NoVA area? My DH and I have been fighting so much since LO was born and it hasn't been getting better. Thanks in advance!

[Anonymous]

I don't have a recommendation, but do remember thinking about marriage counseling (both times) I had a 6-8 month old - They are starting to get more active, work is starting to ramp up (if you've gone back) and breastfeeding (for me) was getting way crazy demanding (like oh, add a pump session early am and one before bed..) and the bottles...you still have months of bottle cleaning to be grumpy about...I found that a vacation about that time helped us both reconnect and the baby getting a bit easier after that point REALLY helped us just be a bit more comfortable. Sending you good vibes and hope that your patterns are similar..

[Anonymous]

I don't have a marriage counselor either--but I want to second what the PP said.

Also, there's a nine month sleep regression, so if whether or not to sleep train is part of what's going on for you, do it now so you've got a good baseline going into the next transition.

Do everything you can so both of you get some decent sleep, whether that is giving yourselves each a night in the guest room or with ear plugs...whatever it takes, for you in particular. My baby was about that old when we found out I had post-partum depression, where a lot of my anger and despair stemmed from. Zoloft saved me--coupled with self-care, which actually had a chance to work thanks to the drugs.

[Anonymous]

When my kid was that age, I used to dream of my husband's early death. I think conflict with your husband is common after the birth of a child -- especially the first child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my kid was that age, I used to dream of my husband's early death. I think conflict with your husband is common after the birth of a child -- especially the first child.

Same. The veil of hell lifted right around the time my youngest turned 2. When he turned 1 and was sleeping through the night, things slowly improved.

Now at 3 and 5, I am so, so much happier. Being exhausted sucked and made me hate my DH. It was easier than hating the children for being life ruiners (joking of course).

[Anonymous]

Are you all fighting because of the child? Examples? Maybe we can help. We had it rough around that time and was planning on seeking help. We decided not to do so and here we are, happy and pregnant again. We still reflect back on that time

[Anonymous]

I found both of us having sleep exhaustion with DD #1 magnified every fault I could ever think my DH had. I think I hated him. With no real cause, of course.

With DD #2, I handled all the night feedings because I couldn't deal with that level of stress again. And it was a much smoother experience since I could deal with my exhaustion and resulting moodiness better than DH could.

All that is to say, How exhausted are the both of you?

[Anonymous]

I strongly recommend you look into a "parenting coordinator" instead. I say this after much useless marriage counseling during which the counselor only cared about keeping us coming back.

A parenting coordinator won't look into your childhoods or mental state, they simply enable you to figure out how to best take care of the child/children. No one can storm out because of perceived favoritism; instead it's all about the best interests of the child and how you two can agree to deal with the job of parenthood.

[Shineshelly]

It can be a challenging adjustment for a lot of marriages after welcoming a new baby into the world. Hang in there! If you call 1-800-A-Family, you will receive a one-time complimentary consultation over the phone and recommendations to counselors in your area if you would rather receive help locally. Prayers to you!

[Anonymous]

I've mentioned on here before that dr Jennie crim at Clinical Psycology Services in Fairfax
Is amazing. My husband and I have been going for years. We went for one issue premarriage and keep going because it has given us the best tools to have the happiest marriage. I think everyone should go to couples therapy.

[Anonymous]

We had similar problems and found counseling to be very helpful.

We had a good experience with Miriam Turner: http://www.miriamturner.org/

[Anonymous]

No suggestions, but as a lot of other posters have said, this is normal. My husband and I had a very rough year when our son was born. He's almost 3 now and everything is fine. It's a huge adjustment for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Nothing is ever fine. don't believe it, op

[Anonymous]

Thank you PPs for suggestions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my kid was that age, I used to dream of my husband's early death. I think conflict with your husband is common after the birth of a child -- especially the first child.

LOL this made me smile.. haha thanks for the laugh