Should I see this as a red flag?

[Anonymous]

I've been seeing this guy for a few months. This is the first person I've dated since my divorce. I met some of his friends over the weekend. One of them is a woman that he's known since childhood. She was a little flirty with him and kept tickling him and was very touchy feely. I asked him about it later and he said that was his really good friend and she's like a sister to him. To me, I got the impression that there was something else going on. Should I see this as a red flag or let it go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been seeing this guy for a few months. This is the first person I've dated since my divorce. I met some of his friends over the weekend. One of them is a woman that he's known since childhood. She was a little flirty with him and kept tickling him and was very touchy feely. I asked him about it later and he said that was his really good friend and she's like a sister to him. To me, I got the impression that there was something else going on. Should I see this as a red flag or let it go?

Something in between. You should keep your eyes open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been seeing this guy for a few months. This is the first person I've dated since my divorce. I met some of his friends over the weekend. One of them is a woman that he's known since childhood. She was a little flirty with him and kept tickling him and was very touchy feely. I asked him about it later and he said that was his really good friend and she's like a sister to him. To me, I got the impression that there was something else going on. Should I see this as a red flag or let it go?

Something in between. You should keep your eyes open.

+1. She'd love for it to be more, he's either undecided or in denial about what he's doing with her.

[Anonymous]

Red flag. Wtf, tickling among adults? Give me a break, I have a real brother and I haven't tickled him in 20 years since we were 10 and 4 so the "like a sister" argument always blows my mind if you aren't acting as real siblings do.

If he really cared, he could have assuaged your feelings by telling you he'd ask her to keep the touching to a minimum if it made you uncomfortable.

Not saying dump the guy, but just know this woman is probably going to be a thorn further down the line if he lets her.

[Anonymous]

It depends. Was is a french tickler??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Red flag. Wtf, tickling among adults? Give me a break, I have a real brother and I haven't tickled him in 20 years since we were 10 and 4 so the "like a sister" argument always blows my mind if you aren't acting as real siblings do.

If he really cared, he could have assuaged your feelings by telling you he'd ask her to keep the touching to a minimum if it made you uncomfortable.

Not saying dump the guy, but just know this woman is probably going to be a thorn further down the line if he lets her.

That's what I'm afraid of. My marriage ended because my husband left me for another woman so I'm overly cautious about other women when it comes to dating.

[Anonymous]

One of my then BFs, now DHs, friends was sort of like this the first few times I met her. She wasn't romantically interested in DH but she was territorial about him. I think she wanted to let me know that she was more important to him and could have him anytime she wanted. So similar stuff, trying to hang on him, cuddle him, whatever. Things that aren't off the wall awful but definitely not really normal behavior for platonic friends, particularly in front of a new romantic partner.

Thankfully, DH saw it for what it was and didn't indulge her behavior. By DH setting boundaries with her, he showed me he respected me AND he showed her she couldn't behave that way. She stopped and they were able to maintain their friendship.

[Anonymous]

so her behavior is a red flag about him? This is more girl-on-girl territorial stuff. She is one of those girls that doesn't really want him but like to get attention from him and is doing this in front of you to mark her territory. Why not blame her and go have a girl-power "we hang together" talk with her rather than blaming your new bf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so her behavior is a red flag about him? This is more girl-on-girl territorial stuff. She is one of those girls that doesn't really want him but like to get attention from him and is doing this in front of you to mark her territory. Why not blame her and go have a girl-power "we hang together" talk with her rather than blaming your new bf.

I'm the 10:44 PP and yes, this is a red flag about the boyfriend. Her behavior isn't good but the fact that he doesn't seem to mind the negative impact it has on his girlfriend/date is not cool. He's the one in the relationship with OP so he is the one that has a responsibility to show respect and concern for her feelings.

[Anonymous]

They may have had something going on in the past. I'd push a little to find that out because it's something I would want to know, doesn't have to be a deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They may have had something going on in the past. I'd push a little to find that out because it's something I would want to know, doesn't have to be a deal breaker.

That's what I'm afraid of plus her possibly still having feelings for him or making trouble for us later.

[Anonymous]

It wouldn't be a deal breaker if he recognized it was a little off and could politely set a boundary. Or if I could nip it in the bud with her by getting my tickle on with her preemptively, saying "what... I'm your new friend and I demand tickles too!"

If he defends/says u r controlling/says its normal friend stuff, his cluelessness would be enough for me to break it off due to poor awareness/communication.

[Anonymous]

She likes him and has boundary issues. I think it's worth talking about with your guy, to make sure she isn't going to be an issue for you. I wouldn't want to pursue something if there's unresolved stuff there.

I once went on a date with a guy. After dinner, we went to meet some mutual friends at a local bar. We walked in together. A few minutes later, a woman in our group put her head on his shoulder and her arm around him. I knew her, but not very well. I was like WTF?? It completely killed any romantic vibe we might have had. I've gotten to know her better since that night and she's one of those women that is always on the prowl to find Mr. Right - it's always the priority when she goes out.

[Anonymous]

Grown ups make it clear where the boundaries are - especially if the person they're dating is present so that person doesn't get the wrong idea. I'd be worried that your guy wasn't able to do that. This isn't just about an old friend being too touchy feely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grown ups make it clear where the boundaries are - especially if the person they're dating is present so that person doesn't get the wrong idea. I'd be worried that your guy wasn't able to do that. This isn't just about an old friend being too touchy feely.

I agree with this. Would you do this with another guy in front of your date? Yeah, it's a red flag.