Vent: IL visit

[Anonymous]

Just a vent. ILs are visiting and will be leaving tomorrow. Arrived here with niece (8) and nephew (6) last Thursday. I didn't have much say in this visit, since DH okay-ed it while I was out of the house (something about tickets going on sale). I WAH, so having them here on weekdays is a hassle, especially when DH has taken no extra time off to visit with his family. I normally have an office at home, but it's being used as the second guest room for niece and nephew. I don't mind encouraging ILs to visit, since DD (2) loves her cousins...but I'm just ready for this all to be over.

DD is normally in nanny care, but MIL suggested that we could let her take some time off since she'd be happy to care for the kids. Nanny was happy to leave early a couple of days, and somehow I've ended up caring for DD when she wakes up screaming from her afternoon nap. My bigger irritation, though, is niece and nephew. They are generally well-behaved, but very high energy. I've had to deal with constant disruptions from them (especially while DD is napping), including constant requests for me to just wake her up. ILs keep disappearing, despite the fact that they are supposed to be caring for/watching the kids. Not sure if this is a rules difference between me and SIL/BIL, but I also feel like I have to be a constant enforcer (please don't bounce balls in the house, please don't run on stairs/slippery marble floor, please put away toys, please don't wander around the house with orange soda or peeling an orange without a napkin etc). It's more nephew than niece that's causing issues, and I know some of this is age, but I also think it's MILs idea that boys are just so much worse behaved than girls you just have to accept it (she's been making this excuse for him since he was 3). It's extra annoying to me, since we're expecting #2 (a boy) this summer, and I'm dreading having to here her spout her double-standard BS about my kids and to my DD.

It's funny, because after hearing/reading about awful ILs, I think I'm pretty lucky since they are pretty decent and civil people. But it's gotten much harder to deal with them since I've had kids. MIL acts like DH is the second coming because he helps out at all at home (he's not bad, but we both work FT so it's reasonable he'd be doing dishes etc). MIL also refuses to pronounce DD's name correctly. It's an Indian name that also has a European pronunciation...but we use the Indian one (including DH). MIL acts like she can't say the Indian pronunciation, but it uses the exact same phonetics as my name which she pronounces correctly. This is really starting to grate on me for some reason...I think it's because she continues to act like I'm some exotic species picked out of Shangri-La instead of an American with a different ethnic background than hers (BTW, they go all out to celebrate their European heritage which is several generations more removed than mine, I'm first generation). FIL is nice enough, but he doesn't say/do much except create crumbs everywhere (he and MIL also bicker constantly over things like this).

Mornings this weekend went something like this. DH, MIL, and FIL all ended up chatting outside on the porch while I was left with 3 kids to entertain, keep safe, and then feed breakfast. MIL "apologized" profusely later, saying she just never gets to talk to DH, but didn't really do anything to help. On Sunday, they let me sleep in (sort of, kids screaming outside my door), and MIL took over cooking the breakfast I had planned...except made nothing for me to eat (I have some dietary restrictions this pregnancy). Well, actually, she made one thing I could eat, and when I suggested I would eat that, she told me she wanted to give it to the kids and she could make more if I'd like...right before sitting herself down to start to eat her breakfast. So I ended up cooking my own breakfast while everyone else ate, and was sitting down as they finished.

I'm annoyed at DH as well, since he really could do more to help. We talked about that briefly yesterday, and he got better...but we need to have another chat about his family visiting on weekdays if he's not going to come home earlier or help. ILs refuse to rent a car (or even drive) when they come, so they are reliant on us to do anything.

Anyway, almost through!

[Anonymous]

You're almost there!

Just a suggestion--don't let them stay with you when baby #2 comes along.

[Anonymous]

Yikes! Next time don't take your baby out of daycare/nanny care since you end up doing the work. You are almost there!

[Anonymous]

Sounds pretty awful. Next time you can arrange to have 'meetings' and work out of a library or starbucks so you can't be there to babysit, hopefully they won't leave the kids with your nanny. My DH doesn't time time off when my ILs visit and it's a little annoying, but my MIL is helpful with the kids and I SAH instead of having to work.

[Anonymous]

Yuck, leave the house next time and let DH have a rude awakening when he gets home first.

[Anonymous]

Day is the real problem, as you already know.

[Anonymous]

Don't want to pile on and repeat PPs, but let this be a lesson to you. Stand your ground. No more semi spontaneous visits without your DH full support and time to spend with ILs.

Somethng's gotta give here. Next time, they come without the cousins AND they stay in a hotel AND you work at Starbucks AND you keep your DC childcare nanny arrangements. Don't be a martyr and tell your DH of your revised plans ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Well you took DD out of daycare/nanny and her routine. Never trust in-laws to watch the kids. Like ever!

[Anonymous]

21:36 meant to say time to spend with HIS parents/your ILs.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I think you sound like a major PITA. Life is not perfect. Be thankful that they care enough about you that they want to visit.

[Anonymous]

what is PITA ? or what PITA means?

[Anonymous]

I have a cousin named Veronique, from Brussels. My grandfather always insisted on calling her Veronica. "Because in America, you Americanize!" My pointing out that America is the ultimate melting pot, that she's NOT an American, etc., didn't help.

I'm sorry about your DD's name.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a testament to how much you get along that this post was really not that vicious after a week
of in-laws and extra little ones, interrupting your life. You were very patient and accepting in a
really unpleasant circumstance, good job OP! I would inform DH the next time he invites people, he gets to
play host.

[Anonymous]

Sorry you had to deal with all of this. There is no way my husband would have his parents visit and still go to work. I can also commiserate on the nieces/nephews. My nieces are about that age and quite rowdy. When they come with their parents I find my childcare load doubles (my two are under 5). If you do this again it sounds like you need to keep the nanny and probably pay her more to deal with grandparents and extra kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I think you sound like a major PITA. Life is not perfect. Be thankful that they care enough about you that they want to visit.

I would lighten up on the cousins.

You have a toddler. First time moms of toddlers tend to have VERY unrealistic expectations of what is normal and appropriate behavior for any kids three or older.

Your niece and nephew sound very normal amd age appropriate in the behavior you described.