fat husband
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Anonymous
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I'm sure this has been posted a thousand times before, but I need to vent. DH is fat and gross. He was a bit overweight when we met, but it didn't bother me because we were very active and we enjoyed physically demanding hobbies (running, biking, etc.) We loved doing those things together and he even lost some weight and was pretty fit for many years.
Fast forward 15 years: he has become extremely lazy (physically), and any down time is spent laying down looking at the phone or reading. He has gotten REALLY fat. We never had great sexual chemistry, but now it is utterly gone. He is so fat and out of shape that he is even worse in bed - it's almost like it is too much effort to move around very much. He is practically listless when we try to have sex. And it makes his penis way smaller. And he smells, because I swear he cannot wipe his butt very well because he is too fat and out of shape. PHEW. He is otherwise a really wonderful husband and father. Good job, great with the kids, kind, supportive, generous, funny. I am fully committed to our marriage. We have also weathered many difficult trials together - major kid issues, death, illness, etc etc. We have been through a lot and he is rock solid and amazing. But this weight thing, my goodness! I would like to feel a little sexual attraction to this man and not be completely grossed out by him physically. I don't think there is much I can do. We have a mutually respectful relationship and I don't believe in nagging or trying to make other people do things they don't want to do. He knows he's overweight. He knows I don't like it. There's really not anything else to be done I don't think. |
Anonymous
| Is there something active you can do as a couple or a family? Cook healthier meals together? |
Anonymous
| How long has he been depressed? |
Anonymous
I cook extremely healthy meals. But he is a pig when he provides his own meals for himself (breakfast and lunch). And when he's on dinner duty (1-2 nights per week) he gets pizza or takes the kids out to fast food. |
Anonymous
| Can you start with taking walks together? For me exercise leads to my eating better as well. |
Anonymous
I don't know.....I worry about depression too. He has always had a few depressive tendencies, though overall he seems pretty healthy emotionally and mentally. The laying around getting fatter and fatter has really increased over the past 3 years, I'd say. He's always eaten a TON, so of course with dramatically decreased activity and aging (he's now late 40's) it just adds up. And, I think that lethargy feeds more lethargy - doesn't necessarily have to be classic depression. It's just sort of like physics. Once physical momentum has been lost, it's really hard to regain that. |
Anonymous
I should have made this clear in my OP - unfortunately I am battling some health issues and am very limited when it comes to physical activity. I can walk a slow mile, max. Not even every day. I think this is a huge part of the problem - he was always very responsive to me being the leader, so to speak. I can't do that now and it's not like I can wag my finger at him and tell him he needs to go work out every day. |
Anonymous
Why do you assume being fat means being depressed? Plenty of fat happy people. A study actually said that tall fat men earned more than their thin male counterpart |
Anonymous
| OP i don't think you will stay sexually attracted to him as he ages and as you both sag and get more gaunt (gauntness is more prevalent in thin people as they age) by the time you are beyond your 50's its not as much about sexual attraction but being comfortable yet sexual with the other. |
Anonymous
| How old are your kids? When we had a kid, DH shed serious pounds, because he wants to live longer for the sake of our child. (I wish I could say that for myself, but alas. No luck yet. But I did have a very emotionally difficult year, and its aftermath will take time to dwindle. Unfortunately, for me depressions is weight gain, because I am an emotional eater.) |
Anonymous
I do realize this. But, I want a sexual relationship with him. Doesn't have to be a lot. Part of the problem is that we never had great sex, so this is exacerbating it. It's gotten to the point that I am pretty much sexually repulsed by him. It makes me sad and angry, though I don't really even blame him. I realize people grow old and get fat, it happens to so many people. But his fat somehow equals extreme lethargy so it just makes the sex problems way worse. He can't even seem to kiss me with vigor - any physical effort is just too much for him. Is that just how it is as people age? |
Anonymous
Nope, this definitely isn't a kids issue. Kids are older, all older than 7. |
Anonymous
Oh, and, sorry about the bad year.  I think many couples struggle with emotional issues, relationship issues and weight gain when they have a new baby. It's hard, but hang in there, it does get better.
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Anonymous
Because it sounds like there's been a change in behavior that has contributed to the weight gain. I agree with OP though -- lethargy tends to begat lethargy. I sit on the couch binge-watching Netflix and I know I should get up and move some. But, the couch is just so cozy. Maybe tomorrow... Etc. OP, does your DH consume a lot of alcohol? |
Anonymous
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Do you give him time to hit the gym?
Or is it one more chore after another from you? |