Hating my husband
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Anonymous
| My husband has been driving me crazy since the birth of my third child. He's a great dad, but lately everything he's doing is driving me mad!!! Just want to vent. |
Anonymous
| Hormones? |
Anonymous
| Time to sit with him and rant. |
Anonymous
| We need details to see if a)he's an ass or b) you're irrational or c) a bit of both |
Anonymous
| op...when I feel this way, it helps me to make a list (either mentally or actually written down) of all of his good qualities and try to focus on those. hopefully, what you are feeling now is largely hormonal and will pass soon. if it's more than just postpartum hormones/stress of adjusting to having 3 kids then talk to your husband about it calmly and rationally and work through it together. communication is important. don't let it stew and get angrier and angrier about it. |
Anonymous
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Don't hate, talk.
Why does every woman here find talking to their husbands so hard ? He's not a mind reader. |
Anonymous
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ok, so I know this is not necessarily the obvious solution, but I'm going to put in a plug for "don't talk" - yet. I dunno if maybe I'm terrible at this whole marriage thing but I find that when we are grating each others last nerve and I am hating my husband, our conversations turn into a laundry list of complaints, then defensiveness, then digging in, occasionally devolving into namecalling. And while taking care of a (newish?) baby, it is not entirely likely that some of my anger was not entirely rational, ya know? But even outside crazy infant year, things work far better for our marriage if I get myself some space or blow off some steam, try to remind myself that he's not a complete douchenozzle all the time, identify some constructive talking points, try to imagine where he's coming from, and THEN talk to him. now, lord knows where a couple with 3 kids finds space to meditate or blow off steam. I barely manage it even occasionally with 2.
also, I think my DH sunk into a depression after the birth of each of our children. in my own postpartum funk both times, I thought it was a bit of a dick move. (still do, to be honest.) after all, I just had a BABY. but just a note that it's worth keeping an eye out for the menfolk having rough transitions too. |
Anonymous
| You both sound like you could benefit therapy separetely or together. From your actions and behavior, it seems like he could written this thread in reverse. |
Anonymous
| Tell him that you feel irritable and on edge, apologize that you know you are hormonal and snippy, thank him for all he is doing, and then ask for one practical thing he could actually do that would help. |
Anonymous
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You may not need therapy or to talk. It may be just that you're still hormonal, and very tired.
After all, he's fulfilled his "function" by impregnating you and now is in the way of you taking care of the child. This was how I felt and it passed. |
Anonymous
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Does her at least agree how tough the current two years will be with toddler and baby? Can he modify his schedule somehow?
Having two young kids can wreck havoc on a marriage if only one spouse is managing everything and the other is operating like a single person calling in a paycheck. You both should be concerned about your current path, it absolutely breeds resentment and arguments. |
Anonymous
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I remember reading in a lot of the humorous pregnancy help books about how your husband gets dumber after the arrival of your child. My girlfriends and I joke about it. Needless to say, I think a lot of us have been there.
My thought is that it's a combination of several things: sleep deprivation (on both your parts), hormones, a complete and total change of lifestyle (the stress associated with that!), a whole lot less sex (for me, anyway) and the fact that your husband no longer has 100% of your attention. Hang in there. Try talking to him when you're not upset to let him know how you're feeling. You guys will get through this. It was about 9MO postpartum that my husband and I finally started to click again. |
Anonymous
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I know one angry night I once googled "I fucking hate my husband" just to see who else was out there hating their husbands.
It got better. =) |
Anonymous
| Do i sense any projection, here? |
Anonymous
+1 |