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[quote=Anonymous]ok, so I know this is not necessarily the obvious solution, but I'm going to put in a plug for "don't talk" - yet.    I dunno if maybe I'm terrible at this whole marriage thing but I find that when we are grating each others last nerve and I am hating my husband, our conversations turn into a laundry list of complaints, then defensiveness, then digging in, occasionally devolving into  namecalling.  And while taking care of a (newish?) baby, it is not entirely likely that some of my anger was not entirely rational, ya know?   But even outside crazy infant year, things work far better for our marriage if I get myself some space or blow off some steam, try to remind myself that he's not a complete douchenozzle all the time, identify some constructive talking points, try to imagine where he's coming from, and THEN talk to him.  now, lord knows where a couple with 3 kids finds space to meditate or blow off steam.  I barely manage it even occasionally with 2.

also, I think my DH sunk into a depression after the birth of each of our children.  in my own postpartum funk both times, I thought it was a bit of a dick move.  (still do, to be honest.)  after all, I just had a BABY.  but just a note that it's worth keeping an eye out for the menfolk having rough transitions too.  [/quote]

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