Teens and depression/anxiety/Avoidant personality disorder

[Anonymous]

I am the parent of a 16 year old with social phobia, and depression. For the most part I think her depression is fueled by the anxiety/social phobia: she is too anxious to do things like ask someone to hang out (stems from social phobia/Avoidant Personality Disorder) or go to a basketball game, but then sits at home and hears about the fun people have and thinks, "God, why am I so pathetic?" and it's a cycle. It's interesting, too, that she is totally fine in highly structured situations- no problems giving say, a presentation or speech, always very articulate and relaxed, not nervous. Even interviews she does fine in. But ask her to just sit around and freely socialize with those people she just gave a presentation to? Nope.

The hard part for me is that she does just fine in school, is involved with a few things (cross country, some clubs, holds a leadership position in one) and because she's functioning at a pretty normal level, I think most people think she's just a shy, introverted kid (which is true, to an extent) without a big social life. So, on the outside things seem to be just fine but I know mentally she's not "there"...she gets home on Fridays and just wants to stay in her room/at home. She does exercise, loves to run (alone), and does like to spend time with us, but doesn't have a group of friends to hang out with. She's always been a bit of a homebody, but it seems like over the past few years it's progressively gone from "I like to spend time at home" to "I can't leave home. Too much work."

We've tried several different medications (Zoloft, Lexapro, Prozac) that seem to lift her out of a cloud for a few months, but then things kind of shift back to where they were and we're back in square one.

She is not a behavior problem at all. She is a wonderful, kind young woman whom I absolutely adore spending time with. She cares a lot about the world around her, and says she wants to go out an make a difference, but I think it's kind of one of those "How can you help others if you can't help yourself?" Never been in trouble at school- a teacher's dream. But, it's just so hard for me to know she's kind of ...imploding on the inside. Ie her first day of spring break was today- I texted her from work asking her if she had ran to Target to get the things I'd asked her to and what else she was up to and she texted back, "I'm unable to get out of bed. not feeling well." and I asked, "oh, are you sick?" and she said "No, I just can't bring myself to face the day." and just generally stuff like that.

We've also brought up the idea of getting a job this summer, and she was on board (she'll always tell you what you want to hear, not how she's actually feeling), but then confessed a few days later that the idea of even just showing up to a job sounds so exhausting as to be impossible.

Kind of just ranting, but also wondering if anyone's BTDT and what advice maybe you could give.

[Anonymous]

This might sound odd, but my friend and I were talking about this the other day (remembering high school). There is a Japanese therapy ( do not recall name) but it follows this line: you are too shy to call, call anyway. You are afraid to go, go anyway. You know your issue, and face it by doing (not talking, not meds). It helped me years ago. Time and practice. Wish I recalled the name of tgerapy type.

[Anonymous]

www.todoinstitute.org
Look for morita therapy
I never did this therapy but read about it and took the message

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This might sound odd, but my friend and I were talking about this the other day (remembering high school). There is a Japanese therapy ( do not recall name) but it follows this line: you are too shy to call, call anyway. You are afraid to go, go anyway. You know your issue, and face it by doing (not talking, not meds). It helped me years ago. Time and practice. Wish I recalled the name of tgerapy type.

Thanks. I think the problem is she HAS done that- she's put herself out there quite a bit and it usually doesn't go well (in her mind, at least) or she doesn't enjoy herself and she's too scared to try again for fear of rejection or whatnot.

[Anonymous]

I was a little like that, although I always had a job. It was much easier to go in to work each day and socialize with coworkers than to figure out plans for the weekends.

But not being able to get out of bed is a classic symptom of depression. Sometimes it takes several more tries to get the meds right. Has she tried Wellbutrin? It's the one med that actually works for me and pulls me out of lethargy. Does she see a real therapist or is she getting prescriptions through a general practitioner?

Does she have one friend she can hang out with? Or there's really nobody for afterschool hours?

[Anonymous]

Oh that is hard. Good for her for putting herself out there. Maybe broaden circle of friends or have someone to talk to (therapist). My daughter dies, has helped a lot. Wishing her progress and success

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh that is hard. Good for her for putting herself out there. Maybe broaden circle of friends or have someone to talk to (therapist). My daughter dies, has helped a lot. Wishing her progress and success

My daughter does! Not dies. Hate autocorrect!!

[Anonymous]

Ps your daughter does sound wonderful and depressed. Therapist definitely. If she is in a running club have a celebratory dinner at your house, volunteer, have her have some teammates over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a little like that, although I always had a job. It was much easier to go in to work each day and socialize with coworkers than to figure out plans for the weekends.

But not being able to get out of bed is a classic symptom of depression. Sometimes it takes several more tries to get the meds right. Has she tried Wellbutrin? It's the one med that actually works for me and pulls me out of lethargy. Does she see a real therapist or is she getting prescriptions through a general practitioner?

Does she have one friend she can hang out with? Or there's really nobody for afterschool hours?

she is getting meds from GP, and sees a therapist (LCSW)...maybe it is time to think about a psychiatrist? I have thought about Wellbutrin, and did bring it up to the doctor, but she advised against it for those with anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a little like that, although I always had a job. It was much easier to go in to work each day and socialize with coworkers than to figure out plans for the weekends.

But not being able to get out of bed is a classic symptom of depression. Sometimes it takes several more tries to get the meds right. Has she tried Wellbutrin? It's the one med that actually works for me and pulls me out of lethargy. Does she see a real therapist or is she getting prescriptions through a general practitioner?

Does she have one friend she can hang out with? Or there's really nobody for afterschool hours?

she is getting meds from GP, and sees a therapist (LCSW)...maybe it is time to think about a psychiatrist? I have thought about Wellbutrin, and did bring it up to the doctor, but she advised against it for those with anxiety.

I would definitely try a psychiatrist. You may be able to layer meds for a more lasting effect. Also, is her therapist any good? I have a DS with a similar personality and we went to 4 different therapists until we found one he connected with.

[Anonymous]

OP,

When exactly was her diagnosis made? I wonder if she has ADHD. I could always "perform" on the spot, did well in school, but struggled with interpersonal relationships. Avoidance may not be part of her personality, more a coping mechanism.

I would suggest CBT to help break her negative thought processes. Also, she may need a combination of meds to help with the anxiety. There are teen social skill groups too. GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the parent of a 16 year old with social phobia, and depression. For the most part I think her depression is fueled by the anxiety/social phobia: she is too anxious to do things like ask someone to hang out (stems from social phobia/Avoidant Personality Disorder) or go to a basketball game, but then sits at home and hears about the fun people have and thinks, "God, why am I so pathetic?" and it's a cycle. It's interesting, too, that she is totally fine in highly structured situations- no problems giving say, a presentation or speech, always very articulate and relaxed, not nervous. Even interviews she does fine in. But ask her to just sit around and freely socialize with those people she just gave a presentation to? Nope.

The hard part for me is that she does just fine in school, is involved with a few things (cross country, some clubs, holds a leadership position in one) and because she's functioning at a pretty normal level, I think most people think she's just a shy, introverted kid (which is true, to an extent) without a big social life. So, on the outside things seem to be just fine but I know mentally she's not "there"...she gets home on Fridays and just wants to stay in her room/at home. She does exercise, loves to run (alone), and does like to spend time with us, but doesn't have a group of friends to hang out with. She's always been a bit of a homebody, but it seems like over the past few years it's progressively gone from "I like to spend time at home" to "I can't leave home. Too much work."

We've tried several different medications (Zoloft, Lexapro, Prozac) that seem to lift her out of a cloud for a few months, but then things kind of shift back to where they were and we're back in square one.

She is not a behavior problem at all. She is a wonderful, kind young woman whom I absolutely adore spending time with. She cares a lot about the world around her, and says she wants to go out an make a difference, but I think it's kind of one of those "How can you help others if you can't help yourself?" Never been in trouble at school- a teacher's dream. But, it's just so hard for me to know she's kind of ...imploding on the inside. Ie her first day of spring break was today- I texted her from work asking her if she had ran to Target to get the things I'd asked her to and what else she was up to and she texted back, "I'm unable to get out of bed. not feeling well." and I asked, "oh, are you sick?" and she said "No, I just can't bring myself to face the day." and just generally stuff like that.

We've also brought up the idea of getting a job this summer, and she was on board (she'll always tell you what you want to hear, not how she's actually feeling), but then confessed a few days later that the idea of even just showing up to a job sounds so exhausting as to be impossible.

Kind of just ranting, but also wondering if anyone's BTDT and what advice maybe you could give.

A lot of people I knew were like this in high school. High school is a complicated social environment that is often not very pleasant . Do you not remember this from high school? I found a big state school to be a lot more fun -you could always find 'your' social group - and blossomed socially there.
Do we really have to medicate everyone who is a bit different nowadays? Is everything a disorder? She sounds pretty on the normal spectrum to me.
You are sentencing her to a lifetime of medication at a very young age and I'm not sure why really.

I have a teen DD who does some of these things and I would never consider taking her to a psychiatrist for medication for this. If she wanted someone to chat with sure - CBT would be fine. But a huge cocktail of drugs for an introverted young teen? Why?

Is it that wrong to hike yourself up for a few days in break? That's what my teen DD is doing.... Again I think you are pathokogizing something that's pretty normal?

Help her find a summer job that has short shifts. 4 hours long? That way she can ease into it and the idea of it won't stress her out too much.
What does she like to do? I know that you can find short shifts working at a snack bar. If she has more energy and likes kids how about some camp counselor stuff? At the JCC they even have special needs camp counselors so I could see them being willing to work in your DD- It's a joyful place.
She might really enjoy the summer job - try to get her out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the parent of a 16 year old with social phobia, and depression. For the most part I think her depression is fueled by the anxiety/social phobia: she is too anxious to do things like ask someone to hang out (stems from social phobia/Avoidant Personality Disorder) or go to a basketball game, but then sits at home and hears about the fun people have and thinks, "God, why am I so pathetic?" and it's a cycle. It's interesting, too, that she is totally fine in highly structured situations- no problems giving say, a presentation or speech, always very articulate and relaxed, not nervous. Even interviews she does fine in. But ask her to just sit around and freely socialize with those people she just gave a presentation to? Nope.

The hard part for me is that she does just fine in school, is involved with a few things (cross country, some clubs, holds a leadership position in one) and because she's functioning at a pretty normal level, I think most people think she's just a shy, introverted kid (which is true, to an extent) without a big social life. So, on the outside things seem to be just fine but I know mentally she's not "there"...she gets home on Fridays and just wants to stay in her room/at home. She does exercise, loves to run (alone), and does like to spend time with us, but doesn't have a group of friends to hang out with. She's always been a bit of a homebody, but it seems like over the past few years it's progressively gone from "I like to spend time at home" to "I can't leave home. Too much work."

We've tried several different medications (Zoloft, Lexapro, Prozac) that seem to lift her out of a cloud for a few months, but then things kind of shift back to where they were and we're back in square one.

She is not a behavior problem at all. She is a wonderful, kind young woman whom I absolutely adore spending time with. She cares a lot about the world around her, and says she wants to go out an make a difference, but I think it's kind of one of those "How can you help others if you can't help yourself?" Never been in trouble at school- a teacher's dream. But, it's just so hard for me to know she's kind of ...imploding on the inside. Ie her first day of spring break was today- I texted her from work asking her if she had ran to Target to get the things I'd asked her to and what else she was up to and she texted back, "I'm unable to get out of bed. not feeling well." and I asked, "oh, are you sick?" and she said "No, I just can't bring myself to face the day." and just generally stuff like that.

We've also brought up the idea of getting a job this summer, and she was on board (she'll always tell you what you want to hear, not how she's actually feeling), but then confessed a few days later that the idea of even just showing up to a job sounds so exhausting as to be impossible.

Kind of just ranting, but also wondering if anyone's BTDT and what advice maybe you could give.

A lot of people I knew were like this in high school. High school is a complicated social environment that is often not very pleasant . Do you not remember this from high school? I found a big state school to be a lot more fun -you could always find 'your' social group - and blossomed socially there.
Do we really have to medicate everyone who is a bit different nowadays? Is everything a disorder? She sounds pretty on the normal spectrum to me.
You are sentencing her to a lifetime of medication at a very young age and I'm not sure why really.

I have a teen DD who does some of these things and I would never consider taking her to a psychiatrist for medication for this. If she wanted someone to chat with sure - CBT would be fine. But a huge cocktail of drugs for an introverted young teen? Why?

Is it that wrong to hike yourself up for a few days in break? That's what my teen DD is doing.... Again I think you are pathokogizing something that's pretty normal?

Help her find a summer job that has short shifts. 4 hours long? That way she can ease into it and the idea of it won't stress her out too much.
What does she like to do? I know that you can find short shifts working at a snack bar. If she has more energy and likes kids how about some camp counselor stuff? At the JCC they even have special needs camp counselors so I could see them being willing to work in your DD- It's a joyful place.
She might really enjoy the summer job - try to get her out there.

That's 'hole' herself up. My teen DD has been chilling in her room for a few days on her break. Break is for doing what you want not doing what others expect of you.
And if you really wanted to see her shine on her break you should have taken her some place tropical for a real break. I'd highly recommend that - see if she perks up some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the parent of a 16 year old with social phobia, and depression. For the most part I think her depression is fueled by the anxiety/social phobia: she is too anxious to do things like ask someone to hang out (stems from social phobia/Avoidant Personality Disorder) or go to a basketball game, but then sits at home and hears about the fun people have and thinks, "God, why am I so pathetic?" and it's a cycle. It's interesting, too, that she is totally fine in highly structured situations- no problems giving say, a presentation or speech, always very articulate and relaxed, not nervous. Even interviews she does fine in. But ask her to just sit around and freely socialize with those people she just gave a presentation to? Nope.

The hard part for me is that she does just fine in school, is involved with a few things (cross country, some clubs, holds a leadership position in one) and because she's functioning at a pretty normal level, I think most people think she's just a shy, introverted kid (which is true, to an extent) without a big social life. So, on the outside things seem to be just fine but I know mentally she's not "there"...she gets home on Fridays and just wants to stay in her room/at home. She does exercise, loves to run (alone), and does like to spend time with us, but doesn't have a group of friends to hang out with. She's always been a bit of a homebody, but it seems like over the past few years it's progressively gone from "I like to spend time at home" to "I can't leave home. Too much work."

We've tried several different medications (Zoloft, Lexapro, Prozac) that seem to lift her out of a cloud for a few months, but then things kind of shift back to where they were and we're back in square one.

She is not a behavior problem at all. She is a wonderful, kind young woman whom I absolutely adore spending time with. She cares a lot about the world around her, and says she wants to go out an make a difference, but I think it's kind of one of those "How can you help others if you can't help yourself?" Never been in trouble at school- a teacher's dream. But, it's just so hard for me to know she's kind of ...imploding on the inside. Ie her first day of spring break was today- I texted her from work asking her if she had ran to Target to get the things I'd asked her to and what else she was up to and she texted back, "I'm unable to get out of bed. not feeling well." and I asked, "oh, are you sick?" and she said "No, I just can't bring myself to face the day." and just generally stuff like that.

We've also brought up the idea of getting a job this summer, and she was on board (she'll always tell you what you want to hear, not how she's actually feeling), but then confessed a few days later that the idea of even just showing up to a job sounds so exhausting as to be impossible.

Kind of just ranting, but also wondering if anyone's BTDT and what advice maybe you could give.

A lot of people I knew were like this in high school. High school is a complicated social environment that is often not very pleasant . Do you not remember this from high school? I found a big state school to be a lot more fun -you could always find 'your' social group - and blossomed socially there.
Do we really have to medicate everyone who is a bit different nowadays? Is everything a disorder? She sounds pretty on the normal spectrum to me.
You are sentencing her to a lifetime of medication at a very young age and I'm not sure why really.

I have a teen DD who does some of these things and I would never consider taking her to a psychiatrist for medication for this. If she wanted someone to chat with sure - CBT would be fine. But a huge cocktail of drugs for an introverted young teen? Why?

Is it that wrong to hike yourself up for a few days in break? That's what my teen DD is doing.... Again I think you are pathokogizing something that's pretty normal?

Help her find a summer job that has short shifts. 4 hours long? That way she can ease into it and the idea of it won't stress her out too much.
What does she like to do? I know that you can find short shifts working at a snack bar. If she has more energy and likes kids how about some camp counselor stuff? At the JCC they even have special needs camp counselors so I could see them being willing to work in your DD- It's a joyful place.
She might really enjoy the summer job - try to get her out there.

That's 'hole' herself up. My teen DD has been chilling in her room for a few days on her break. Break is for doing what you want not doing what others expect of you.
And if you really wanted to see her shine on her break you should have taken her some place tropical for a real break. I'd highly recommend that - see if she perks up some.

Yes, it is normal for a teen just to want to chill on break. it is NOT normal for a teen to be unable to even get out of bed and pick something up at Target.

[Anonymous]

Don't know your daughter's situation specifically, but it is very common for social anxiety and depression to go hand in hand--and often the social anxiety comes first and fuels the depression. Try to find an *experienced* CBT therapist who does a thorough diagnostic evaluation and who can really work with her on exposure therapy (gradual exposure to increasingly difficult/anxiety-provoking situations at a pace that is specific to each individual). This person will often be a clinical psychologist, although there are some well-trained LCSWs too. Ask any therapists you're considering about their treatment philosophy, and whether they would consider themselves to have a CBT approach. It won't work for everyone, but in the hands of an experienced and well-trained clinician who is able to develop good rapport with your daughter (this is also key), it can be very helpful for motivated patients. I'm in the field (although not seeing patients in the DC area) so speaking from experience. Good luck.