Help! my 10 yr old DD found porn on the internet

[Anonymous]

Help! my 10 yr old DD found porn on the internet! I thought we had parental blocks working but apparently not. I have no idea how to talk to her about this. What do I say?? She told me she searched for it and told me she found it. She feels terrible and I have no idea how to talk to her about it. She is in her room right now and I need to go in there and talk to her. We have had no conversations about sex. God, I am freaking out....

[Anonymous]

This happened to my niece. I talked to her about it months later and she was mostly upset because she thought sex looked awful.

I don't know what she saw, but I told my niece that a lot of grown women who like to have sex do not like porn - that there are many ways to have sex and porn often shows sex that many women don't like. I also told her at age ten it was normal to not want to have sex and it was fine she felt that way.

[Anonymous]

Well if you've never had a conversation about sex, this is a good time to open the lines of communication. 10 is OLD to start - parental blocks on a computer should not and cannot replace real life conversation and information given by people she trusts. Ask questions and really listen to the answers. Was she curious? Why did she decide to look it up? What does she know about sex? Express your concerns about porn (not a real representation of sex, etc.) but mostly vow to have more open conversations about sex and relationships. You can apologize to her for not bringing up the topic earlier, and tell her that you never meant for it to be a taboo. In the next couple weeks, you can research and buy a book or two on the topic and leave them in her room. But really, weave discussions into your day-to-day life and talk about it openly, so that she doesn't feel the urge to be sneaky (resulting in incorrect information that has the potential to be damaging to her).

[Anonymous]

I can't believe you waited until 10, but make she has basic information on where babies come from like "It's not the stork." Also, you may want to read up on the electronic access here: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/sex-and-media-tips

Not really related, but since you tend to put things off, get her the HPV vaccine when she's 11 before she becomes sexually active.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry. I read that the *average* age a boy first sees porn is 8.

I tell my 4yo DD how to act when she sees scary or upsetting pictures. She can walk away, turn it off. Tell me. Since it really happened to your 10 DS, I'm going to be following this post. So sad what our young kids have to witness in this era.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry. I read that the *average* age a boy first sees porn is 8.

I tell my 4yo DD how to act when she sees scary or upsetting pictures. She can walk away, turn it off. Tell me. Since it really happened to your 10 DD I'm going to be following this post. So sad what our young kids have to witness in this era.

I see now it was a D. just correcting myself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well if you've never had a conversation about sex, this is a good time to open the lines of communication. 10 is OLD to start - parental blocks on a computer should not and cannot replace real life conversation and information given by people she trusts. Ask questions and really listen to the answers. Was she curious? Why did she decide to look it up? What does she know about sex? Express your concerns about porn (not a real representation of sex, etc.) but mostly vow to have more open conversations about sex and relationships. You can apologize to her for not bringing up the topic earlier, and tell her that you never meant for it to be a taboo. In the next couple weeks, you can research and buy a book or two on the topic and leave them in her room. But really, weave discussions into your day-to-day life and talk about it openly, so that she doesn't feel the urge to be sneaky (resulting in incorrect information that has the potential to be damaging to her).

Np here. This seems like great advice.

[Anonymous]

From OP - I have had conversations about how babies do not come from storks but we haven't gotten into the mechanics of sex. I can't believe that 10 is too old to have waited to have a conversation like that. What did you tell your little girls about the mechanics of sex? How old were they??

[Anonymous]

There is a series of great books that we have around the house - Its not the Stork, Its so Amazing, Its Perfectly Normal.

These have been around the house and the kids pull it out and we may read a bit of the book before bedtime. You may want to invest in a few resources to help initiate the conversation.

Regarding your child doing a search - you may want to ask why she did the search, what she was looking for, if you can help her find something else etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe you waited until 10, but make she has basic information on where babies come from like "It's not the stork." Also, you may want to read up on the electronic access here: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/sex-and-media-tips

Not really related, but since you tend to put things off, get her the HPV vaccine when she's 11 before she becomes sexually active.

I do not tend to put things off. She knows that babies do not come from storks. I haven't had a conversation about what exactly happens during actual sex. I was actually planning that for this year, age 10. Your kids became sexually active at 11?

[Anonymous]

You definitely left it late to start. And what is all this about the stork? Please actually parent your child and talk normally about bodies, changes, mechanics of sex, desire, feelings. There is no shame in relying heavily on books, but there is definite shame in avoiding the realities. Here, I am shaming you. On purpose. DD has probably heard about sex from her peers and now you have to undo whatever misconceptions she has. Plus, you have already imbued it with something sordid, or something to be avoided.

[Anonymous]

I always say - talk to your kids about the things they need to know in 5 years.

When did you encounter certain things? Subtract 5 years, and teach them what do they need to know before they come across it. Drinking at parties, friends getting high, drunk driving, serious relationships. You don't teach them everything - just what they need to know when they encounter those things.

So my 4 year old really knows what cigarettes are about and what to do if she sees friends with them. ALL about her body's privacy, and what to do if someone touches her or asks her to touch them. And if she sees scary movies, pictures / or things where people are naked/showing body parts. How to speak up if she feels uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You definitely left it late to start. And what is all this about the stork? Please actually parent your child and talk normally about bodies, changes, mechanics of sex, desire, feelings. There is no shame in relying heavily on books, but there is definite shame in avoiding the realities. Here, I am shaming you. On purpose. DD has probably heard about sex from her peers and now you have to undo whatever misconceptions she has. Plus, you have already imbued it with something sordid, or something to be avoided.

From OP - What are you talking about? I never once mentioned storks to my DD. She knows that babies come from a man's sperm and a woman's egg, and that the baby grows inside the woman's womb. We have not talked about what exactly happens during sex. I've had lots of conversations with her about feelings, bodies, and what to expect as far as her changing body. I have not imbued it with something sordid. I do parent my child and I do talk normally about these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From OP - I have had conversations about how babies do not come from storks but we haven't gotten into the mechanics of sex. I can't believe that 10 is too old to have waited to have a conversation like that. What did you tell your little girls about the mechanics of sex? How old were they??

How can you explain to a kid where babies come from if you don't explain the mechanics? Name the parts, what goes where. She's obviously curious.

I've been having multiple conversations over the years from when my kid first asked around age 5 or 6.

[Anonymous]

FYI, I recently discovered that when my operating system updated to Windows 10, it totally messed up the parental controls. After googling, I discovered that this is a major problem without a current solution and a lot of people are pissed off at Microsoft. So, don't upgrade to Windows 10 if you can avoid it!