Is it appropriate for me to correct another child talking bad about friends?

[Anonymous]

7yo DS has a friend over for a play date. They have a lot of friends in common. One child is special needs and speaks with a slur and delayed. DS's friend was making fun of him. I don't know if he was trying to be malicious but he was laughing at him and imitating the way he talks. I would absolutely not tolerate if DS did that. He would be punished instantly. I obviously did not punish DS's friend but I said that is not nice and he should not talk about his friends that way.

I normally let kids play on their own but I really didn't think it was appropriate. I did not want my child to repeat. I plan to have a talk with DS later about sticking up for friends after his friend leaves.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Intervene without a doubt.

[Anonymous]

Oh yes, I've had to intervene when DS and his friends get together. It's an instinctual part of bonding to reject others not perceived to be in the present group - and children have to learn to fight this urge otherwise they keep doing it as adults (and I've seen plenty of adults behaving in this way too!).

Keep up the good work, OP.

[Anonymous]

I think you should say something, mildly at first. I would say, "I think it would hurt X's feelings if he heard you" (the child who is being made fun of). Maybe say, "You know that X cannot help talking how he does. How would you feel if someone wasn't nice about something you can't control?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Intervene without a doubt.

+1 good work, OP.

[Anonymous]

Yes, appropriate to intervene.

[Anonymous]

Yes, please as that easily could have been my kid. I have said something to kids at my child's school when they were giving my or another child a hard time about something. If the teacher or parent is not going to do it, I will. Most kids are looking for a reaction and attention and I tell them if they want attention there are far better ways to do it as they are not going to like the attention they get. For a friend visiting, I would tell them that if they cannot be respectful in our home, they will not be welcomed back. We enjoy having him but that behavior is to acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you intervene. Especially in your own house.

[Anonymous]

I did it recently, only not about something as egregious as mocking a child's speech impediment. I was volunteering at my kids' school and one boy said to his small group (totally apropos of nothing--we were slicing vegetables!) "Larla is really bossy." No one responded, and he said, "Don't you think Larla is bossy?" I told him not to say unkind things about his friends behind their backs, and he stopped.

Anyway, I think it's good to speak up and then drop it, provided the behavior stops.

[Anonymous]

I would shut him down. "In this house, we don't make fun of people, ESPECIALLY for things they can't help."

[Anonymous]

You're a good mom to be thinking about this. That is definitely not okay.

Something similar happened to our DC last year. DS was playing with a friend who was saying unflattering things about a classmate's disabilities. DS did not engage in the conversation but he didn't speak up for the classmate either. I was very upset and had a long talk with DS about it afterwards.

I wasn't sure how much sunk in but a few weeks later I saw DS and the classmate with the disability on the playground and the classmate was being teased by some older boys. DS got in the middle of it and told them to stop and told them they were being mean for no reason. The older boys slunked away looking guilty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would shut him down. "In this house, we don't make fun of people, ESPECIALLY for things they can't help."

+1

This, delivered in a quiet but firm tone other than an angry one.

I'm disappointed that you would "punish" your son for talking this way. This kind of speech needs a correction for sure. But a punishment is less likely to leave a door open for future communication about compassion and respecting others. JMO. I teach first grade FWIW.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Absolutely.

Among other things, it's very important that your son sees you speaking up like you would if he said it. Consistency is so important. You don't want to send him mixed messages. That gets confusing.

I always enforce our house rules when friends are over. Simply and clearly, but without drama. something like, "That's not nice. We don't make fun of people in our house."

I'd expect other parents to do the same if my kids behaved I appropriately at their houses. I'd never fault another parent for being too strict (or kind!) in their house. It takes a village.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're a good mom to be thinking about this. That is definitely not okay.

Something similar happened to our DC last year. DS was playing with a friend who was saying unflattering things about a classmate's disabilities. DS did not engage in the conversation but he didn't speak up for the classmate either. I was very upset and had a long talk with DS about it afterwards.

I wasn't sure how much sunk in but a few weeks later I saw DS and the classmate with the disability on the playground and the classmate was being teased by some older boys. DS got in the middle of it and told them to stop and told them they were being mean for no reason. The older boys slunked away looking guilty.

Wow. I love hearing that. We're trying to teach our second grader to do the same, but it's hard to know how much is sinking in.

[Anonymous]

Not OP, but I have a question: do you tell the kid's mom of her son? Or only if she mentions it. It's possible that her son might end up telling his own mom.
I wouldn't have a problem defending my actions to correct any kids behavior if they are disrespectful but you know how some moms can be. "My son, my problem. Stay out of it."