If you have a sibling that suddenly became rich...

[Anonymous]

Did they change? For the better or worse?

I am trying to cope with my own sibling changing for the worse (at least for me) after coming into a lot of money. We hardly talk anymore, he assumes everyone is looking for a handout or favor, he's now somewhat of a know it all when it comes to politics etc. and can be downright rude. They bought a huge house and now demand all the holidays are held at their house instead of our mom's - personally I enjoy spending time at the home I grew up in on the holidays! They now have cleaners and nannies for their kids. Their lives are just totally different than even last year this time. I'm happy for them that they're now living a very comfortable lifestyle but I miss how close we used to be and how much time we used to spend together. They used to invite us over to hang out virtually every weekend whereas now we haven't been invited in ages - last weekend we got a last minute invite and I was excited for the family time but arrived to find they had friends over and we were kind of an afterthought. Before I had a kid of my own I spent a ton of time with their kids and that has not been reciprocated whatsoever. I know they're busy but it still sucks. Just a vent a guess because I don't have anyone else to say it to. Its selfish of me to say but I just wish things could go back how they were.

[Anonymous]

After our parents passed, my siblings and I inherited a good amount of money - about 2mill/each.

One of my siblings changed. For the rest of us, I think we were always pretty grounded. The money helped towards some practical like buying a (decent, but still humble) home, and allowing peace of mind in case of real emergencies. We clean our own homes. Do our own laundry. Aren't below using a coupon or shopping at TJ Maxx or Ross. I don't think we've changed, and we realize that we are extremely lucky.

But one of our siblings is a lot like yours. Outsource everything. Nannies. GIANT house (and not proportional to the space/people in it). Luxury cars. Vacations 5x a year. It's not just the spending, it's also the mindset of feeling like they're above others in the brands they buy, the places they go, the restaurants they frequent, the activities they do.

It's sad. It's weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did they change? For the better or worse?

I am trying to cope with my own sibling changing for the worse (at least for me) after coming into a lot of money. We hardly talk anymore, he assumes everyone is looking for a handout or favor, he's now somewhat of a know it all when it comes to politics etc. and can be downright rude. They bought a huge house and now demand all the holidays are held at their house instead of our mom's - personally I enjoy spending time at the home I grew up in on the holidays! They now have cleaners and nannies for their kids. Their lives are just totally different than even last year this time. I'm happy for them that they're now living a very comfortable lifestyle but I miss how close we used to be and how much time we used to spend together. They used to invite us over to hang out virtually every weekend whereas now we haven't been invited in ages - last weekend we got a last minute invite and I was excited for the family time but arrived to find they had friends over and we were kind of an afterthought. Before I had a kid of my own I spent a ton of time with their kids and that has not been reciprocated whatsoever. I know they're busy but it still sucks. Just a vent a guess because I don't have anyone else to say it to. Its selfish of me to say but I just wish things could go back how they were.

Maybe he does have people coming to him for a handout.

[Anonymous]

Yes but it was more gradual. Every year it got worse. Like now that he's rich, he doesn't have to be polite or considerate. He feels like he can judge my choices because he's 1% and I'm middle class. We still get along though, when he's not in judgment mode. He's still in there.

[Anonymous]

OP, can you find time to talk to your brother alone to let him know how you feel, from the perspective of how much you miss him and certain prior aspects of your relationship? In a way that won't put him on the defensive. Maybe his SO is driving some of the changes you have seen.
I mean this with no snark - could there be some pre-conceived notions you have about people who come into a lot of money that when he or his wife do certain things, you are assuming the motive is due to those?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes but it was more gradual. Every year it got worse. Like now that he's rich, he doesn't have to be polite or considerate. He feels like he can judge my choices because he's 1% and I'm middle class. We still get along though, when he's not in judgment mode. He's still in there.

Are they hanging around a new crowd/new friends/joined a country club? Sometimes people pick up the behavior of those they socialize with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did they change? For the better or worse?

I am trying to cope with my own sibling changing for the worse (at least for me) after coming into a lot of money. We hardly talk anymore, he assumes everyone is looking for a handout or favor, he's now somewhat of a know it all when it comes to politics etc. and can be downright rude. They bought a huge house and now demand all the holidays are held at their house instead of our mom's - personally I enjoy spending time at the home I grew up in on the holidays! They now have cleaners and nannies for their kids. Their lives are just totally different than even last year this time. I'm happy for them that they're now living a very comfortable lifestyle but I miss how close we used to be and how much time we used to spend together. They used to invite us over to hang out virtually every weekend whereas now we haven't been invited in ages - last weekend we got a last minute invite and I was excited for the family time but arrived to find they had friends over and we were kind of an afterthought. Before I had a kid of my own I spent a ton of time with their kids and that has not been reciprocated whatsoever. I know they're busy but it still sucks. Just a vent a guess because I don't have anyone else to say it to. Its selfish of me to say but I just wish things could go back how they were.

1) It is relatively recent, so there is a chance they make wake up and realize and go back to being nice.
2) Money really has no bearing on the discrepancy between the time you spent with their children and the lack of time they are spending with yours. Almost everyone experiences this.
3) They may get tired of always being the host.
4) SInce you are not spending as much time with them you can visit your mom more often.

[Anonymous]

Surely, I hope the impossible. I would be ecstatic if my siblings have some money. Then, they won't bother me. Then again, they will probably spend it all and go back to where they started, which is pathetic.
Sorry, I'm not of any help, huh.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if it was "suddenly" rich, but he earns a great salary plus extravagant bonuses and other perks. He certainly sacrifices a lot for it though. He has worked in some pretty terrible locations--including a stint in Siberia where he had to take multiple trains/helicopters/etc. just to get to "camp."

He is extraordinarily generous. He has paid my way for vacations (especially when I have come to visit him in foreign locations like Shanghai) and gives my children (for a long time, his only nephews/nieces--and he had no kids of his own) nice gifts.
He is also kind to strangers--once at an airport he overheard that a woman on his flight was going to be given the last available seat assignment--it was a middle seat in the last row. She was visibly pregnant and he knew she'd be uncomfortable. He offered her his first class seat and took that middle seat in coach instead.
He is amazing!

FWIW, a few weeks ago, there was a thread where the OP didn't want to hear about her parents vacation. I posted that my parents also took lavish vacations, yet "talked up" a vacation they wanted to take my kids on, but when it came time to book airfare, asked me for money knowing we couldn't afford it--my brother ended up giving the money for the airfare. He is so kind.

[Anonymous]

My advice is to be forgiving and patient. They will come around. Maybe talking to him just like the PP said. Nonjudgmental and not tying it to money, but I miss you and the kids, etc.

All is well. He does sound like a good guy.

[Anonymous]

If my siblings became suddenly rich, they would do something nice for my parents, siblings, their ILs and kids and me. We all would share the wealth around. We are that kind of family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if it was "suddenly" rich, but he earns a great salary plus extravagant bonuses and other perks. He certainly sacrifices a lot for it though. He has worked in some pretty terrible locations--including a stint in Siberia where he had to take multiple trains/helicopters/etc. just to get to "camp."

He is extraordinarily generous. He has paid my way for vacations (especially when I have come to visit him in foreign locations like Shanghai) and gives my children (for a long time, his only nephews/nieces--and he had no kids of his own) nice gifts.
He is also kind to strangers--once at an airport he overheard that a woman on his flight was going to be given the last available seat assignment--it was a middle seat in the last row. She was visibly pregnant and he knew she'd be uncomfortable. He offered her his first class seat and took that middle seat in coach instead.
He is amazing!

FWIW, a few weeks ago, there was a thread where the OP didn't want to hear about her parents vacation. I posted that my parents also took lavish vacations, yet "talked up" a vacation they wanted to take my kids on, but when it came time to book airfare, asked me for money knowing we couldn't afford it--my brother ended up giving the money for the airfare. He is so kind.

It's nice to hear that there are people like this in the world. Your brother reminds me of my BIL - not as rich, though, but similarly kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my siblings became suddenly rich, they would do something nice for my parents, siblings, their ILs and kids and me. We all would share the wealth around. We are that kind of family.

This may be true if they win the lottery, but in my sibling's case, it was a large promotion with perks and stock options and signing bonus....stuff he earned by working. I have never taken money from him, nor has he offered. And that's perfectly fine.

[Anonymous]

My brother and his wife always thought they were better than others. Everything had to be their way or no way. They never did anything for anyone unless there was something in it for them.

A few years ago my husband and I had a streak of good luck and we no longer struggled. Guess who caught wind and wanted to be friends ?

I no longer speak to him and I am not sorry about it either.

[Anonymous]

My neighbor's aunt won the lottery 5 years ago and she often talks about how her aunt and uncle have isolated themselves since b/c of relatives coming out of the woodwork asking for hand-outs. I would definitely not want anyone to know if we came into a lot of money all of a sudden.