First grader hates school and activities

[Anonymous]

My first grader dd has started hating school. She says it's boring and too much work all day. It's not that the material is easy - if anything she struggles a little more than her peers. Dd has also started refusing to do after school activities. She says she just wants to do art. When she doesn't do an afterschool activity she is constructive drawing pictures for about 20-30min then spends the rest of her time complaining that her younger sister is bothering her and frankly not being nice to her sister. She refuses to do her homework until the morning before school.
I'm sort of at the end of my rope and this is only first grade. She's completely unmanageable - I've tried being strict and she just rebels. I've tried being nice and her behavior is downright disrespectful. Are there some kids that just need an alternative learning environment ? Should I be looking at private schools - if so what type ?

Thanks !

[Anonymous]

Try problem solving with her to get to root of the problem. Try talking to her teacher to get more insight into what is going on.

[Anonymous]

It might be good to get some academic testing.

[Anonymous]

Op here - thanks pp - will do. Her teacher isn't very welcoming - I've brought concerns up with her and she hasn't been helpful.
Also, I forgot to mention, dd has so much anger for unknown reasons. She just says it's due to her toddler sister ruining her life.

[Anonymous]

Do the girls share a room? Is there some way you can create a little space for your older daughter? Is she expected to include her in everything ? Because that's not reasonable.

I think you need to tackle this problem first and then the school issues.

Its okay to do homework in the mornings, if there is time and its ok not to sign up for every after school activity if you don't want to do them.

First grade is the start of some serious independence and you have to adapt to that, as a parent.

[Anonymous]

No, HW in the morning is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, HW in the morning is ridiculous.

With many elementary schools starting at 9am or 9.25 no, its a practical use of the morning.

[Anonymous]

Try giving her 20 min of focused attention from you everyday. Do it somewhere with no interruptions from phone or younger DD.

[Anonymous]

We can't improve your situation. Try talking with your DD's teacher.

[Anonymous]

Hi, Op

Does she need to do after school activities? Maybe she is tired from her long day? If possible, maybe let her skip the activities and go to the playground or let her draw at home. Sometimes, when kids are struggling than they are unhappy being there. This has been true for my niece who struggles in school and has to work much harder than her younger brother. I would echo talking to the teacher to see where the struggles lie and then look into testing.

[Anonymous]

Could it be anxiety? My son often complains of not liking things and it took us a awhile to realize he was worried all the time. Maybe with a younger sibling she has lost time to unwind? Or maybe it has brought on anxiety. Anxiety often looks like misbehavior. Even ehen my son was at his worst, the teachers did not see a thing.

Start talking about worries, worries you have. Does she ever ever worry about anything, etc. once we did this I was completely shocked to hear how many worries my son had.

[Anonymous]

I was bored in school pretty much until law school.

Does she have any place she can go to be alone at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try giving her 20 min of focused attention from you everyday. Do it somewhere with no interruptions from phone or younger DD.

This.

Also, she sounds like she could use some physical activity to help with the anger issues and raise her self esteem. What about girls on the run?

Also, she sounds like she's procrastinating doing things that are difficult. If this is a public school, write a short email to the teacher expressing your concerns and ask for educational testing. Legally, she can't ignore this.

[Anonymous]

How many after school activities is she doing op? DS was struggling a few months ago and we dropped down from activities three evenings a week to just once. What an amazing difference it made! Kids need unstructured downtime. They work so hard in school to keep it together, and even fun after school stuff still requires focus and energy. Try scaling waaaaay back on structured stuff and just send her outside to play or provide her with
Lots of craft materials and leave her be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could it be anxiety? My son often complains of not liking things and it took us a awhile to realize he was worried all the time. Maybe with a younger sibling she has lost time to unwind? Or maybe it has brought on anxiety. Anxiety often looks like misbehavior. Even ehen my son was at his worst, the teachers did not see a thing.

Start talking about worries, worries you have. Does she ever ever worry about anything, etc. once we did this I was completely shocked to hear how many worries my son had.

This was my thought, too.

I highly recommend this book. It helped my 1st grader put some words around the feelings, which in turn helped us work through them together:

http://www.amazon.com/What-When-You-Worry-Much/dp/1591473144