First grader hates school and activities

[Anonymous]

She sounds overtired to me. If school is hard for her, she may not have any energy left at the end of the day. Can you cut out activities and have her rest (maybe in her room with an audio book, or something) so she has downtime after school? In my house we start homework within half an hour of getting home after school. Any later and it becomes a struggle. You need to build a routine where you get home, have a high-protein snack, start homework, and then structure some downtime. She's 6 - she doesn't get to choose not to do HW at night.

[Anonymous]

At this age your kid may be realizing her academic skills are lacking compared to many of her classmates and is lashing out. Also a good chance she is not getting enough wriggle and dreaming time at school. Sounds like she might be creative? I agree with the PP who suggested more downtime.
Maybe the school has a counselor who can work with you and the teacher. There are creative activities that re-enforce the pathways of the brain your DD will need to succeed in school. Also once she is doing better and becomes more confident of her abilities the misbehavior may peter out.
Also I gotta say it does NOT sound like whatever discipline you've been using is working. If you fold now she will walk all over you to her own detriment later in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first grader dd has started hating school. She says it's boring and too much work all day. It's not that the material is easy - if anything she struggles a little more than her peers. Dd has also started refusing to do after school activities. She says she just wants to do art. When she doesn't do an afterschool activity she is constructive drawing pictures for about 20-30min then spends the rest of her time complaining that her younger sister is bothering her and frankly not being nice to her sister. She refuses to do her homework until the morning before school.
I'm sort of at the end of my rope and this is only first grade. She's completely unmanageable - I've tried being strict and she just rebels. I've tried being nice and her behavior is downright disrespectful. Are there some kids that just need an alternative learning environment ? Should I be looking at private schools - if so what type ?

Thanks !

My DS is similar to your D. I finally had him tested and turns out he has adhd. His dislike from school is because he was not 'getting' it because he was distracted and not paying attention (daydreaming) so when he had to do the work he struggled. Struggling made him hate school. It's a nasty cycle. It's just one possibility.

[Anonymous]

About a month back, my daughter went through a similar phase, except it was Kindergarten. I talked to the teacher, during parent-teacher conference, and it turned out she was misbehaving in school. As we talked, it occurred to me that the problem was that she was feeling lonely. With all the work they do, there wasn't enough time to socialize, and because I work, she goes to aftercare and we don't do afternoon play dates.

Once her teacher moved her to a different table so that she could sit next to a friend, the anxiety/outbursts diminished, she stopped saying she hates school, and stopped acting out at home. Probably what helped, too, was my daughter knowing that there was a problem and talking about it. What didn't help was being strict and punishing her for misbehaving.

[Anonymous]

There are lots of things that could be going on. Schedule a conference with the teacher and keep an open mind about a neuropsych exam. The psychologist is trained to distinguish Anxiety from ADHD from learning disabilities. Our very bright dd started hating school in 1st grade, and these steps helped us get clarity. Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could it be anxiety? My son often complains of not liking things and it took us a awhile to realize he was worried all the time. Maybe with a younger sibling she has lost time to unwind? Or maybe it has brought on anxiety. Anxiety often looks like misbehavior. Even ehen my son was at his worst, the teachers did not see a thing.

Start talking about worries, worries you have. Does she ever ever worry about anything, etc. once we did this I was completely shocked to hear how many worries my son had.

This was my thought, too.

I highly recommend this book. It helped my 1st grader put some words around the feelings, which in turn helped us work through them together:

http://www.amazon.com/What-When-You-Worry-Much/dp/1591473144

This book is fantastic. My son loves it. There is another one about what to do when your temper flares, and it is also good.

[Anonymous]

+ 2 to one-on-one time with you every day. It can be as little as 15 minutes, but it needs to be her choice of activity, with you following along happily, not saying things like "why don't you do it this way." It's called "Time-In" with your child (as opposed to time out).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was bored in school pretty much until law school.

Does she have any place she can go to be alone at home?

Until law school ? Law is boring as shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, HW in the morning is ridiculous.

Homework worked very well for us. I always left it as an option for my kids. My middle child felt like he never had enough play time or me time after school, so he opted for morning homework. It made his life so much happier and he always had it done by the deadline. Nothing ridiculous about it at all.

OP, two things jumped into my mind (besides that it's ok to do morning homework). Are there issues with the kids and is she needing more time from you? If the teacher isn't helpful, I think the only thing you can do is talk to your daughter or maybe see if the school counselor has any ideas.

[Anonymous]

It's true that first grade is not very fun anymore, if it ever was. My dd goes to a dcps school and they do a ton of work all day, 15 mins recess, if that, lunch where they have to remain quiet, and she goes to afterschool. She also adores art, so that is what she does during free time. Our school doesnot have many afterschool activities, mostly homework help or drawing. Luckily she loves drawing. Now that she can read, she smuses herself that way. We do the homework in three cram sessions over the wkd. Not ideal, but it works for us. We are not doing any other activities at the moment, with school so long and structured, and me working FT. Your child might benefit from a more creativity or playbased program, like many charters or private schools. Academic pressure at this age stinks.

[Anonymous]

She might be too tired for homework in the afternoon. In our house, what takes an hour and a half in the evening is an easy-breezy 15 min in the morning. No-brainer.