Does the concept of "you reap what you sow" apply here?

[Anonymous]

Should one's responsibility to one's aging parents bear any relationship to the amount of help they did or did not provide with the grandchildren?

[Anonymous]

I don't think so. I think everyone should do what they can. Physically, financially, mentally/emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Relationships aren't math equations, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Should one's responsibility to one's aging parents bear any relationship to the amount of help they did or did not provide with the grandchildren?

Pathetic. What about the responsibility to your parents because they raised YOU? Are you looking to ditch your parents?

[Anonymous]

No. A closer formula would be how did they treat YOU.

My in laws live 5 min away and never spend time with their grandkids but they raised an awesome son and are great people.

[Anonymous]

And you're not even "counting" all they did to raise their own children?

how much do you want to bet that OPisnt talking about her parents; she's talking about her in-laws?

[Anonymous]

No, that is really petty.

But it may reflect whether they helped raise their children or not. If they did not financially support their own children and were never around, then no. The grandchildren are their parent's responsibility, not the grandparents.

[Anonymous]

No, not at all. I could see if they abandoned their own kids or were abusive then an adult child may want to step back, but it's kind off horrifying to think you wouldn't help an aging parent because of your judgement about their help with your kids.

[Anonymous]

Agree, if they were decent parents to you, that is good enough. Even that is hard to come by for a lot of people.

[Anonymous]

No.

But having lost both my parents (one as a child, the other as an adult, one to a long terminal illness, one suddenly) it's given me a lot of forgiveness for my parents, and letting go the idea of wanting/wishing them to be perfect. Especially being an adult and learning how hard things really can be sometimes.

If you want to be like your parents? Treat them as they did you.

If you want to be better than your parents were, then do & be better.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends. My grandmother did A LOT to help my mom when we (and especially me) were kids. I spent the night there often, she cared for me frequently until o went to school (I also went to an on home day care some too.) There were 7 of us kids and my grandma was a widow and didn't retire until around the time I was born (I'm the youngest) and she still did so much such as making school clothes, Christmas pajamas and birthday cakes. My mom has done very very little for her grandchildren (admittedly there are a lot) and has almost no relationship with any of them. It Is really baffling that she receive so much help and gave so little. If she had made more of an effort she would have all of these grandkids who could help her out in her old age but instead she has no one. It's really kind of sad. One brother and I occasionally go help her but she lives three hours away and I don't have a car so it's not that practical for me. My brother will take his kids up a couple times during the summer to help with yard work. But I think you do reap what you sow at least to some extent. My mom wasn't nurturing, often critical, distant geographically, always put my stepdad first etc and now none of us feel obligated to go out of our way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Should one's responsibility to one's aging parents bear any relationship to the amount of help they did or did not provide with the grandchildren?

This has to be a joke right? A joke by a 15 year old.
Please, let this be a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends. My grandmother did A LOT to help my mom when we (and especially me) were kids. I spent the night there often, she cared for me frequently until o went to school (I also went to an on home day care some too.) There were 7 of us kids and my grandma was a widow and didn't retire until around the time I was born (I'm the youngest) and she still did so much such as making school clothes, Christmas pajamas and birthday cakes. My mom has done very very little for her grandchildren (admittedly there are a lot) and has almost no relationship with any of them. It Is really baffling that she receive so much help and gave so little. If she had made more of an effort she would have all of these grandkids who could help her out in her old age but instead she has no one. It's really kind of sad. One brother and I occasionally go help her but she lives three hours away and I don't have a car so it's not that practical for me. My brother will take his kids up a couple times during the summer to help with yard work. But I think you do reap what you sow at least to some extent. My mom wasn't nurturing, often critical, distant geographically, always put my stepdad first etc and now none of us feel obligated to go out of our way.

Didn't your mom raise 7 kids -- SHE'S TIRED -- DAMN!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends. My grandmother did A LOT to help my mom when we (and especially me) were kids. I spent the night there often, she cared for me frequently until o went to school (I also went to an on home day care some too.) There were 7 of us kids and my grandma was a widow and didn't retire until around the time I was born (I'm the youngest) and she still did so much such as making school clothes, Christmas pajamas and birthday cakes. My mom has done very very little for her grandchildren (admittedly there are a lot) and has almost no relationship with any of them. It Is really baffling that she receive so much help and gave so little. If she had made more of an effort she would have all of these grandkids who could help her out in her old age but instead she has no one. It's really kind of sad. One brother and I occasionally go help her but she lives three hours away and I don't have a car so it's not that practical for me. My brother will take his kids up a couple times during the summer to help with yard work. But I think you do reap what you sow at least to some extent. My mom wasn't nurturing, often critical, distant geographically, always put my stepdad first etc and now none of us feel obligated to go out of our way.

Didn't your mom raise 7 kids -- SHE'S TIRED -- DAMN!!

It sounds like she offloaded everything on her mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends. My grandmother did A LOT to help my mom when we (and especially me) were kids. I spent the night there often, she cared for me frequently until o went to school (I also went to an on home day care some too.) There were 7 of us kids and my grandma was a widow and didn't retire until around the time I was born (I'm the youngest) and she still did so much such as making school clothes, Christmas pajamas and birthday cakes. My mom has done very very little for her grandchildren (admittedly there are a lot) and has almost no relationship with any of them. It Is really baffling that she receive so much help and gave so little. If she had made more of an effort she would have all of these grandkids who could help her out in her old age but instead she has no one. It's really kind of sad. One brother and I occasionally go help her but she lives three hours away and I don't have a car so it's not that practical for me. My brother will take his kids up a couple times during the summer to help with yard work. But I think you do reap what you sow at least to some extent. My mom wasn't nurturing, often critical, distant geographically, always put my stepdad first etc and now none of us feel obligated to go out of our way.

Didn't your mom raise 7 kids -- SHE'S TIRED -- DAMN!!

It sounds like she offloaded everything on her mother.

If you consider pajamas, and clothes and birthday cakes everything. SMH!