Dealing with critical parent
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| My mom has always been critical, but it's getting worse. My kids are getting older and suddenly she is "just asking" all sorts of questions that are really critiques in disguise. (When are you going to give them more chores? When are you going to do xx? When is he going to learn to do xx?). It is driving me up the wall. When I try to call her on it she gets super upset and says she was asking a question and didn't mean anything by it or that I'm too sensitive. For various reasons, keeping my distance won't work. Anyone have tips for changing this dynamic? |
Anonymous
| Stop answering her questions like they are serious or the start of a discussion. "I don't know!" or "Hmm, interesting". Then move on. |
Anonymous
This, the worst are the xx grandkids are doing xxx. |
Anonymous
| Show her your oost |
Anonymous
| post |
Anonymous
That's what I was trying to do last time but then she starting in asking my husband and later my son the same questions, which made DH mad. I think I have to do it more boldly next time. 
|
Anonymous
| I don't know, but please let me know when you figure it out. My dad does the same. The worst is how he plays the victim when I call him out on it -- "I can't say anything!" |
Anonymous
When you stop asking about it. 
If she says you're too sensitive ask why, if she KNOWS you're sensitive she keeps doing something she knows hurts you. You wouldn't do that to her, so why is she doing it to you? |
Anonymous
Exactly. The more I call her out on it, the worse she plays the victim. Often she'll bring my siblings or my 92 year old grandma into it and they'll tell me they agree with me but can't I just put up with it to keep the peace? I'm the only one with kids. |
Anonymous
| My mom pulled this on me recently b/c I've let DS wear snow boots to school daily for 2-3 months. I told her I pick my battles and I offer daily him to wear different shoes. I feel like she has no clue how stressful it is to get out the door in the AM to get to work on time after dropping kids off at school/daycare. Either ignore your mom's questions/comments or find a way to nicely ask her to stop asking critical questions. |
Anonymous
| My mom pulled this on me recently b/c I've let DS wear snow boots to school daily for 2-3 months. I told her I pick my battles and I offer daily him to wear different shoes. I feel like she has no clue how stressful it is to get out the door in the AM to get to work on time after dropping kids off at school/daycare. Either ignore your mom's questions/comments or find a way to nicely ask her to stop asking critical questions. |
Anonymous
+1 Act like they are really just questions. To any other comments or suggestions, just say, "Well, I'll have to think about that." Or, "That's interesting. We'll give it some thought." Don't engage, just be polite and non-committal. |
Anonymous
|
This will work.
"Is it important to you that they have jobs?" If she says yes then you can ask her why it's important to her. The point of this is to keep her on the defensive instead of the offensive. If she says no then just laugh and move on, or say "me neither". Let's practice: Her: when is your son going to learn to do his laundry? You: is that important to you? Her: yes and it should be important to you too. You: why is it important to you? Why should it be important to me? Her: everyone should know how to do their laundry. You: by what age should people know how to do their laundry ? You get the picture. Just keep asking her questions. I do this with my mother-in-law and it works like a charm, she now knows she's not going to get anywhere with me when she asks inane questions. |
Anonymous
OMG! You are the parent. Make those boots disappear and so your DS can stop looking ridiculous! The teachers are talking about him! |
Anonymous
|
This is my MIL exactly.
|