S/o collecting alimony...post nuptial agreements

[Anonymous]

The thread above got me thinking. I am pregnant with our fifth child (we planned on three, then BC failed, then tubal ligation failed). We are both considering me staying a home after this baby is born. We have a nanny and a housekeeper right now, but I am still not thrilled with the way they do things, and I still find it difficult to manage work and home and give kids one on one attention, arrange sports and play dates, etc. my husband is all for this. Right now he is not quite as flexible with his job as he would like to be (there are times when I have to work and the nanny is off, and he has to provide childcare, and I am not willing to move because of my job), but mostly he feels like his kids aren't being taken care of as well as they could be. He also misses his privacy at home. It is a lot to have people working inside your home every day.
Anyway, I will be leaving a fairly high earning career to do this. And I am wondering if we should look into a post nuptial agreement before i make this decision? I am not really concerned about divorce, but it is a social reality.
Has anyone done this or know anyone who has done this?

[Anonymous]

Read up on it and the laws in your state. They are not enforceable everywhere.

Read about Heidi Klum and Seal's divorce. She made much more and it protected her from him getting his hands on her wealth.

They are expensive and involve lawyers, but it will give you more security.

Either way, protect yourself. Have your own money socked away somewhere. When I got married I had a rental home beforehand. I get income from that and the house is now almost paid off. It will be retirement money someday. fyi I stayed home to raise our kids and never went back to work, we are happily married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thread above got me thinking. I am pregnant with our fifth child (we planned on three, then BC failed, then tubal ligation failed). We are both considering me staying a home after this baby is born. We have a nanny and a housekeeper right now, but I am still not thrilled with the way they do things, and I still find it difficult to manage work and home and give kids one on one attention, arrange sports and play dates, etc. my husband is all for this. Right now he is not quite as flexible with his job as he would like to be (there are times when I have to work and the nanny is off, and he has to provide childcare, and I am not willing to move because of my job), but mostly he feels like his kids aren't being taken care of as well as they could be. He also misses his privacy at home. It is a lot to have people working inside your home every day.
Anyway, I will be leaving a fairly high earning career to do this. And I am wondering if we should look into a post nuptial agreement before i make this decision? I am not really concerned about divorce, but it is a social reality.
Has anyone done this or know anyone who has done this?

Holy cow, congratulations!

It seems like a no-brainer to me. Get DH on board, then consult lawyers and get to it.

[Anonymous]

I dont belive that both BC and tubal ligation failed.

So, congrats.. You found a sucker. Take him for every dollar you can.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids? I'd imagine that your older ones will become more independent and will need less direct supervision, so your nanny would really have the younger ones to care for-that is if you'd rather not leave your job. Or could you go part time? I just know too many women who stay home until their DCs are in high school and then can't get a job because they've been out of the loop for so long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont belive that both BC and tubal ligation failed.

So, congrats.. You found a sucker. Take him for every dollar you can.

My mother had her tubes tied and them had my brother. My friend in h.s. had 5 kids got her tubes tied at 22 got pregnant a few months later. She miscarried st 6 weeks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont belive that both BC and tubal ligation failed.

So, congrats.. You found a sucker. Take him for every dollar you can.

It wouldn't matter if it did or didn't. Apparently he wasn't using birth control, which is equally the man's responsibility.

[Anonymous]

You're fertile Myrtle!! I sort of love this story! Makes me wonder how many children you would have had 100 years ago?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? I'd imagine that your older ones will become more independent and will need less direct supervision, so your nanny would really have the younger ones to care for-that is if you'd rather not leave your job. Or could you go part time? I just know too many women who stay home until their DCs are in high school and then can't get a job because they've been out of the loop for so long.

You can always get a job no matter how old, be for reals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont belive that both BC and tubal ligation failed.

So, congrats.. You found a sucker. Take him for every dollar you can.

Lol...are you implying that I faked the surgery or that I am faking the baby? And is the sucker really the one who spends his days in a quiet office working and getting respect and awards and lots of money? I honestly think I am the sucker giving that up to take care of his children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read up on it and the laws in your state. They are not enforceable everywhere.

Read about Heidi Klum and Seal's divorce. She made much more and it protected her from him getting his hands on her wealth.

They are expensive and involve lawyers, but it will give you more security.

Either way, protect yourself. Have your own money socked away somewhere. When I got married I had a rental home beforehand. I get income from that and the house is now almost paid off. It will be retirement money someday. fyi I stayed home to raise our kids and never went back to work, we are happily married.

Thanks for the advice! And Heidi Klimt is sheikhs lay superwoman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont belive that both BC and tubal ligation failed.

So, congrats.. You found a sucker. Take him for every dollar you can.

Lol...are you implying that I faked the surgery or that I am faking the baby? And is the sucker really the one who spends his days in a quiet office working and getting respect and awards and lots of money? I honestly think I am the sucker giving that up to take care of his children

So get a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont belive that both BC and tubal ligation failed.

So, congrats.. You found a sucker. Take him for every dollar you can.

Lol...are you implying that I faked the surgery or that I am faking the baby? And is the sucker really the one who spends his days in a quiet office working and getting respect and awards and lots of money? I honestly think I am the sucker giving that up to take care of his children

So get a job.

I have a job. The one I referenced above with the quiet office and awards and lots of money. But I am kind of losing my mind, kids aren't doing that great, and I have an unexpected pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

OP, 15 years ago I was a PM at a well known company. I had female leadership mentors. Then I had our first. I stayed home. Had our second and third and continued staying at home. Finances were tight, but me staying home was our priority. I was a full time Sahm for 7 years. Then I was an adjunct 1 day a week at a local college, then it became 3 days a week. About 12 hours of work a week. Today I teach about 16 hours a week/32 weeks a year. Our kids are older ES/MS. I'll keep my very part time work until the youngest begins college. It's what we want. DH asked me to look for full time work. I did. I was offered, he asked me to not take it because who would be there for the kids after school? Sports? Doctors? What about summer? I'm not kidding. These were his concerns. I said ok.

Our family is our priority. It's all about choices. If we ever split, I would assume/expect alimony and I bet he'd oblige willingly. Whenever I bring up full time, the kids ask me not to and DH says it's my choice, but then in private tells me he's glad I'm usually home.

[Anonymous]

I would think that the person seeking the post-nup would be the higher earning spouse and/or a spouse with assets to protect. In my case, I was always the lower earning spouse -- which is why I ended up SAH. It would be costly for you to each hire a lawyer and hammer out a post-nup now.

Also, if you do a post-nup and then your DH's earnings rise dramatically (this is often what happens -- men with SAH partners often earn more), then I'd be worried that a post-nup would lock you into the current situation. Perhaps it would protect you from the downside, but you might not benefit from the upside.