Would This Bother You
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Anonymous
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I have a terrible relationship with my mother. She was an absent parent. She still is absent. We never talk. She never calls. We do not see each other and she rarely sees my children. I sent her a text wishing her luck before a big work event she was heading into. Her response to me was to begin raving about one of her younger (age 30, gay male) co-worker. She has this thing with the education, wealth, details of other people - it's all she wants to talk about. If I begin to tell her I am sick or say something about her grandchildren she immediately starts to rant and rave about a co-worker, thus I limit my exchanges with her because it's draining. Anyway, I am wishing her luck and she tells me this co-worker is "hard not to love", "has 20 mothers in the office", and "she can't help but dote on him"... My response was that I really did not care and I ended the exchange.
I know it should not have bothered me, but this is a woman who never bothered with me. Never sees me. Never calls. When we do speak she does not want to hear about her grandchildren or me. I text her to wish her good luck and she launches into a rant about her surrogate office child she can't help but love. For the life of me I can't figure out why she doesn't want to see my kids or hear about them, but has the time and energy to "adopt" random office people. |
Anonymous
| Your mother is a jerk. Sorry, OP. Some of us are just unlucky with who we get as parents. Stop wasting your energy on her, mourn the loss of hope for a good mother, and focus on the good people in your life who bring you positivity. |
Anonymous
Thank you, she is a jerk. |
Anonymous
| Yes, it would bother me. My mother was a totally absent Grandmother. When pregnant she told me "this is not the second coming" and refused to babysit the kids even for 15 minutes if I needed to run to the store. Meanwhile she would talk non-stop about her neighbors' children who are the same age. "Sammy just learned to ride a bike; Larla and I put together a birdfeeder" etc. Bugs the crap out of me. |
Anonymous
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I have to believe these people do it on purpose. They must get a kick out of it somehow. The best way to respond is to ignore them. Limit contact to sending an email for major holidays. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like her work is her life, and her family. Totally understandable that it bothers you OP. How hurtful. |
Anonymous
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She is not the mother you deserve, but she is the one you got. Agree w mourning the loss and understand she is never going to be what you need. Stop punishing yourself by subjecting yourself to her and trying to have a relationship with her.
I'm sorry, OP. I have a shitty mother too. I haven't talked to her in almost 10 years. I feel like I am protecting my family from her and her loony behavior. |
Anonymous
+1 Also, counting down to the crazy poster who shows up in these kinds of threads shaming people for not putting up with abusive family members. 3, 2, 1... |
Anonymous
| OP here. Are these moms narcissists? Borderline Personality Disorder? I've been told that I ruined her life and that she should have not had me. Most of my childhood she slept - all day, all night. All I can remember is her sleeping. And yes, she is very into everyone else's kids, just not mine. She does not want them in her house because they make noise, lol. |
Anonymous
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My mother is (NPD). It's interesting how many similarities there are between these types of people. I was going to a support group for children of narcissists and it was crazy how many people had been told that exact same thing - that their parent wished they had never been born.
In the end, it doesn't matter too much what the diagnosis is, although it is helpful to have a framework to process their behavior. What matters is that you protect yourself and your family from the toxicity. |
Anonymous
| My mom is like this, kind of. It is draining and exhausting and hurtful. I'm sorry, OP. You're not alone. |
Anonymous
| Yes, it would absolutely bother me, I think it would bother most people. I'm so sorry, OP. |
Anonymous
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OP...and other people with moms like OPs....you'll enjoy reading this
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/narcissistic-mother-dictionary/ |
Anonymous
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Yes, OP, my mother is exactly like this. Absent regarding me and anything to do with my kids, always focusing, doting on, and talking about whoever she favors at the time. She's 75 now and has never and will never change. My advice to you is accept this, grieve, and start being your own loving mother to yourself. She doesn't act this way because there's anything wrong with you.
I'd say my mother has a lot of NPD going on, with a streak of BPD behaviors. These labels really only matter in that they can help you find support and understanding online, because as you read the web sites and forums, you find so many who share the experience, and you can start to see it wasn't YOU, it was and is HER, so you can start detaching a bit and work on healing. Probably by no small coincidence, my husband's mother is NPD to the max. He and I are like refugees, building a healthier life together. |
Anonymous
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My dad is similar. Completely uninterested in me or my sibling or our families. But plays father figure with everyone else in his life, especially at his workplace. It's so hurtful but I've come to terms with it.
Sounds like your mom was also emotionally abusive. I'm so sorry, op. Some people just should not be parents. |