Advice on how to handle neighbor situation

[Anonymous]

My 7 yo DS is not a super sporty kid by any stretch, but he does like playing basketball. We have a hoop set up in our driveway, which is attached to our backyard. Every time I go outside to shoot hoops with DS, our neighbor's son, who is the same age comes over, which would be fine, except he doesn't like to play basketball. So he either just stands there, or repeatedly asks DS to go off and do something else, until he agrees. And this happens literally every single time we go out to shoot hoops. I don't want to be difficult, and don't have anything against the kid, but I feel like we have a right to play basketball at times without him making it awkward. I have thought about telling him that he can either play, watch quietly, or leave. Would I be a bitch for doing that?

[Anonymous]

So long as you say it very nicely, you wouldn't be a bitch for doing this, and are well within your rights.

[Anonymous]

Find a way to include the kid... and set a time for them to go off to play other things.

Hey Frank, help us out -- you pass the ball to Joe and he can practice his layups. Then in 20 minutes you guys can go play Minecraft.

[Anonymous]

I think it would be fine to say, "hey Joe, we're playing basketball now." Why don't you come over some other time to play with Timmy."

[Anonymous]

Ditto 13:40

[Anonymous]

Op it's fine. Neighbor kid is interrupting you so you can say anything you want (within reason) and you should expect that the kid compiles. Now your son could get embarrassed. Lots of time kids don' t want their parents to risk not being liked, thus having them look bad (they think)

[Anonymous]

Totally fine op. I do this all the time. I do understand how everyday can get annoying. Good luck!

"Hi Larlo, we are going to play a game of basketball right now then if you like you boys can play together after ok. It will be thirty minutes, so feel free to watch or play or come back at 4pm."

"The more you talk to him, the less annoying it is for you.
Hi Larlo, Johnny has to practice free throws for twenty minutes and then he has homework and lessons. Come back at 5. See ya later buddy!"

"Hi Larlo, how is your day? Great! We will be finished in about ten minutes."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ditto 13:40

There is a tie for both. Give him 15 minutes. Set a timer. Clearly the other kid is lonely. Is he unsupervised?

[Anonymous]

How is this even a problem? Teach your child to say:

1. "Larlo, I'm playing basketball right now."

2. "No thanks."

3. "."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
How is this even a problem? Teach your child to say:

1. "Larlo, I'm playing basketball right now."

2. "No thanks."

3. "."

This, or say I'd be happy to play what you want later, tomorrow, etc. but right now I'm playing basketball with mom. Parents are looking for a free babysitter and probably send him out specifically for that.

[Anonymous]

How is this even a problem? Teach your child to say:

1. "Larlo, I'm playing basketball right now."

2. "No thanks."

3. "."

DS is never going to say anything like that. He is agreeable and nice to a fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
How is this even a problem? Teach your child to say:

1. "Larlo, I'm playing basketball right now."

2. "No thanks."

3. "."

DS is never going to say anything like that. He is agreeable and nice to a fault.

That's why I said you need to teach him, OP. Many children don't want to antagonize and confront. I had to teach my son too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How is this even a problem? Teach your child to say:

1. "Larlo, I'm playing basketball right now."

2. "No thanks."

3. "."

DS is never going to say anything like that. He is agreeable and nice to a fault.

"Nice" doesn't mean "doing anything anybody wants you to". It is not inherently mean to say no. You can model this for him by saying to the neighbor boy, "Larlo, we are playing basketball right now. Would you like to play with us?" Or "Larlo, we are playing basketball right now. We'll be done in half an hour. Please come back then." Or even, "Larlo, no, we are playing basketball right now."

[Anonymous]

OP my son doesn't read social cues well, and is self conscious because he's uncoordinated at sports. He's also lonely because of social awkwardness and because he's an only child.

Anyway, DS would run outside every time the neighbor boy is out if I let him-- then try to manipulate it so he doesn't have to play sports. We're vigilant and don't allow him to be intrusive.

What helps my son is direct, concise language that does not humiliate him. Even better if it comes from another kid. Inclusion in a positive, encouraging way helps too- maybe showing the kid how to play or shoot a basket if you have time/ patience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How is this even a problem? Teach your child to say:

1. "Larlo, I'm playing basketball right now."

2. "No thanks."

3. "."

This, or say I'd be happy to play what you want later, tomorrow, etc. but right now I'm playing basketball with mom. Parents are looking for a free babysitter and probably send him out specifically for that.

Oh please. It could be like the other poster said that the neighbor kid would be bugging your kid every chance he could if the parents let him. Neighbor parents could have said to the kid - you cannot bug neighbor-kid all the time. You can ask if he wants to play with you ONLY IF you see him outside playing. Otherwise DON"T bug them.

So you see the neighbor kid as coming around every time you're playing basketball, but it could be that neighbor kid is limiting his interactions to only times he sees your kid outside playing.