Is this a deal breaker?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| My Dh left his laptop on and open overnight and I saw that he participated in a sex chat with (I assume) a woman. Nothing freaky regular BJ and HJ type of fantasies. I am obviously very hurt. I know he looks at porn, he does not make a secret out of it. But participating in a chat is taken it to a whole new level. I printed out some screenshots but have not confronted him yet. There are other issues in the marriage that we are workin on, but now I am so grossed out that I don't know if I will ever move pass this. Anyone BTDT? Is chatting the new cheating? Or am I making a big deal out of it, and chatting is the 21st century porn? |
Anonymous
| Immediate step before cheating!!! Nip this in the bud now! |
Anonymous
|
Yes.
Kick his nasty ass to the curb. Adios, perv. |
Anonymous
|
I don't know if I would divorce over that alone, but it is a serious thing for me For me it would be a symptom that there's a break down between us somewhere. If that were the chat were the only thing I might be able to work on it counseling etc.
You say there are other issues in your marriage not knowing what they are it's hard to say. |
Anonymous
| My husband did that. I considered it cheating. He didn't. I said fine, let me find a guy online to get off with. See ya. That freaked him out enough that he actually listened to my side. I'm fine with porn. But not interactive with another live human. |
Anonymous
| YES! |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't care...anonymous chat? Meh. |
Anonymous
Why would you be okay with porn when it is usually violent and degrading towards women? |
Anonymous
| How are you "working on" these other issues? Are you seeing a couples therapist? If not, I highly suggest that you do, and that these chats become one of the issues you discuss. I think I could see how a man might see them as "not really cheating." But it obviously disturbs you. You guys have to talk about why he's doing this, what it means, how you both feel. I would approach it from a perspective of being curious about what this means to him and sharing with him, honestly, how you feel. Which I assume is not just distress that he is doing this but what it says about the lack of closeness between you. These kinds of talks are extremely difficult. I speak from experience here. A good counselor has helped me and my DH talk about very stressful, emotional things in a constructive way that I seriously doubt we would have been able to achieve on our own. |
Anonymous
| Save all those screenshots to your comp. Email them to yourself and make sure they are safe. Just in case you decided to get a divorce, either soon or one day in the future. |
Anonymous
|
Op did you offer to fulfill his bj fantasies? Let me guess....
|
Anonymous
Hell no! Why would she? As a reward for cheating? Men really are delusional. |
Anonymous
Thats the best kind noe go make a baby or something. |
Anonymous
Go cry into your fleshlight. |
Anonymous
It might be something guys who cheat do before they have a physical affair, but not every guy who has an online sex chat will have a physical affair. Most don't. Sort of like every square is a rectangle but not every rectangle is a square. I'd insist on therapy. You have other problems, you're both aware of them. Maybe they're not resolving as well as you think they are. Not to place blame, but are you withholding sex while you work things out, or are the problems sexual in nature? If everything is fine in your sex life (fine for both of you) and he's doing that, I'd be far more concerned. |