In -Laws who don't accept you

[Anonymous]

Do you care if they ignore you? Do you care if you even have a relationship with them? It's one thing to have a "meh" relationship, but what if they are jerks to you? How do you handle it? I usually ignore it in person and then tell my partner about whatever ridiculous behavior happened afterwards... Though I am tempted to give them some of their own medicine now and then!

Tell me your war stories!!!

[Anonymous]

Not my ILs, thank goodness, but my SIL. For some reason, she actively dislikes us. I am convinced that deep down, there is some petty jealousy there. So we are politely distant to each other in public, and she finds reasons not come to family reunions or vacations with the rest of the family, which is sad because I like my BIL, her husband, and their children.

[Anonymous]

My father is indifferent to my SIL and my mother dislikes her because SIL is more successful than my mother ever was.

SIL ignores my mom's passive-aggressive and/or weird comments and actions for the most part. They roll off her back. But my brother and I both basically encourage this. My mom's a nutter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Not my ILs, thank goodness, but my SIL. For some reason, she actively dislikes us. I am convinced that deep down, there is some petty jealousy there. So we are politely distant to each other in public, and she finds reasons not come to family reunions or vacations with the rest of the family, which is sad because I like my BIL, her husband, and their children.

Ah the old jealousy saw. I see that so much here on DCUM. She doesn't like me so she must be jealous. Every time I read that I lose all sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Not my ILs, thank goodness, but my SIL. For some reason, she actively dislikes us. I am convinced that deep down, there is some petty jealousy there. So we are politely distant to each other in public, and she finds reasons not come to family reunions or vacations with the rest of the family, which is sad because I like my BIL, her husband, and their children.

Ah the old jealousy saw. I see that so much here on DCUM. She doesn't like me so she must be jealous. Every time I read that I lose all sympathy.

You can believe what you want, my dear PP. DH and I (and his mother) have racked our brains to guess why she would hold us in contempt, despite the fact that we have asked nothing from her and have always been polite. She's more successful professionally, has wonderfully accomplished kids, a great husband... yet I suspect that she wants all the attention, and since I came into the family, am much younger than she is, and dared to have kids, she's not getting all of it. Plain and simple.

[Anonymous]

I'll admit that it hurts my feelings a bit that my MIL never even attempted to get to know me and instead either ignores me or makes passive-aggressive comments toward me. She's openly admitted that she feels threatened by me because DH is an only child and she doesn't want to let go of his childhood. I'm actually a nice person who is madly in love with her son and feels lucky to be married to him every single day...I feel like that should be a mother's dream come true for her little boy. But she'd apparently rather have him be single and living in his hometown and catering to her every whim.

I cope by telling DH all the ridiculous stuff she says when she's not around, and then telling my sister and a few close friend about her craziness. We all have a good laugh about it, and most of the time that's enough and I don't let it bother me anymore. But I confess that at times it does sting that she's so uninterested in having me be part of her family.

[Anonymous]

I will never accept my DIL because she's rude and looks like an ugly duck. My son could have done so much better but I feel he was desperate to marry. Hopefully the marriage falls apart.

Someone asked me if she and I were related. I said no, don't know her. I cannot own that ugly girl. I just can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will never accept my DIL because she's rude and looks like an ugly duck. My son could have done so much better but I feel he was desperate to marry. Hopefully the marriage falls apart.

Someone asked me if she and I were related. I said no, don't know her. I cannot own that ugly girl. I just can't.

My god. Perhaps she has inner beauty that your son loves? What does she do that makes her rude? Why do her looks matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will never accept my DIL because she's rude and looks like an ugly duck. My son could have done so much better but I feel he was desperate to marry. Hopefully the marriage falls apart.

Someone asked me if she and I were related. I said no, don't know her. I cannot own that ugly girl. I just can't.

This post speaks volumes about how ugly and rude you are.

[Anonymous]

The ugly duck person is a fiction writer. Thanks for entertaining us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll admit that it hurts my feelings a bit that my MIL never even attempted to get to know me and instead either ignores me or makes passive-aggressive comments toward me. She's openly admitted that she feels threatened by me because DH is an only child and she doesn't want to let go of his childhood. I'm actually a nice person who is madly in love with her son and feels lucky to be married to him every single day...I feel like that should be a mother's dream come true for her little boy. But she'd apparently rather have him be single and living in his hometown and catering to her every whim.

I cope by telling DH all the ridiculous stuff she says when she's not around, and then telling my sister and a few close friend about her craziness. We all have a good laugh about it, and most of the time that's enough and I don't let it bother me anymore. But I confess that at times it does sting that she's so uninterested in having me be part of her family.

I could have written this, except I do not/cannot share her behavior with my DH. You are fortunate in that. My MIL is so cold to me, and I am a great DIL! Good mom, work FT, help the kids write thank you letters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will never accept my DIL because she's rude and looks like an ugly duck. My son could have done so much better but I feel he was desperate to marry. Hopefully the marriage falls apart.

Someone asked me if she and I were related. I said no, don't know her. I cannot own that ugly girl. I just can't.

Is she overweight? Or you don't like her face? My DH could have done better too, I know my MIL feels this. He could have had anyone.

[Anonymous]

OP, I used to worry about it. Until my husbands sister got married. Now I know it's not me, it's whoever is married to MILs kids. 2 more are coming up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The ugly duck person is a fiction writer. Thanks for entertaining us.

Could be, but it's not so different from how my MIL feels about me. She's told me, when no one else is around. In her eyes, my first crime is that I'm not of the same culture and race. My second crime is that I am not very attractive. She's a narcissist, so in her twisted mind, all of her children and their spouses only exist as a reflection of her, and obviously I make her look bad. My third crime is that I don't let her run my life, and I've supported her son in getting intensive therapy so he stops seeing himself as her sick projection and can free himself of some of that crippling baggage.

I accept that certain in-laws will never accept me. That's their issue. It's not personal, so I've learned not to take it personally. Does it hurt on some level? Yes, of course. Can't change them, though. I can only take the high road and treat everyone well. I've given them all a million chances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you care if they ignore you? Do you care if you even have a relationship with them? It's one thing to have a "meh" relationship, but what if they are jerks to you? How do you handle it? I usually ignore it in person and then tell my partner about whatever ridiculous behavior happened afterwards... Though I am tempted to give them some of their own medicine now and then!

Tell me your war stories!!!

I was at a funeral when our son was 1.5 yrs old. We were at the cemetery and my husband told me to sit in one of the chairs so I didn't have to hold him. Most chairs were empty since people had to sit at the long church ceremony. This was my mil funeral btw. His two sisters told me to get up after he left to talk to someone. I was beyond shocked and ignored them. Finally they quit when I wouldn't look their way.

I don't have anything to do with most of them, kept my children away and it's worked out great. Would not want my kids around their sickness. My husband goes and visits them on occasion and sometimes I do have to see them at an obligation event, we are now all cordial.

Oh and thankfully back then when call forwarding came around I jumped on the band wagon. I would forward their calls to a number I knew at a large company that would just ring! Worked great, kept them from disturbing our "family" time.