In -Laws who don't accept you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Not my ILs, thank goodness, but my SIL. For some reason, she actively dislikes us. I am convinced that deep down, there is some petty jealousy there. So we are politely distant to each other in public, and she finds reasons not come to family reunions or vacations with the rest of the family, which is sad because I like my BIL, her husband, and their children.

I'm with ya, PP. I have a SIL like this. It is the weirdest thing I've ever experienced in my inter-personal relationships. She also has many wonderful qualities and accomplishments, so I find it hard to understand. I guess we never can really understand someone else's insecurities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you care if they ignore you? Do you care if you even have a relationship with them? It's one thing to have a "meh" relationship, but what if they are jerks to you? How do you handle it? I usually ignore it in person and then tell my partner about whatever ridiculous behavior happened afterwards... Though I am tempted to give them some of their own medicine now and then!

Tell me your war stories!!!

Move far away - it's the only way. Don't go to their home for holidays until they remove the sticks from their tuckuses - especially if you have kids.
War stories over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Not my ILs, thank goodness, but my SIL. For some reason, she actively dislikes us. I am convinced that deep down, there is some petty jealousy there. So we are politely distant to each other in public, and she finds reasons not come to family reunions or vacations with the rest of the family, which is sad because I like my BIL, her husband, and their children.

I'm with ya, PP. I have a SIL like this. It is the weirdest thing I've ever experienced in my inter-personal relationships. She also has many wonderful qualities and accomplishments, so I find it hard to understand. I guess we never can really understand someone else's insecurities.

x
maybe there was enough catty behavior at one point in the relationship that she keeps her distance now? did she ever try to be close to.you? maybe she is just aware there are different values at play between the families, and that there isn't much overlap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll admit that it hurts my feelings a bit that my MIL never even attempted to get to know me and instead either ignores me or makes passive-aggressive comments toward me. She's openly admitted that she feels threatened by me because DH is an only child and she doesn't want to let go of his childhood. I'm actually a nice person who is madly in love with her son and feels lucky to be married to him every single day...I feel like that should be a mother's dream come true for her little boy. But she'd apparently rather have him be single and living in his hometown and catering to her every whim.

I cope by telling DH all the ridiculous stuff she says when she's not around, and then telling my sister and a few close friend about her craziness. We all have a good laugh about it, and most of the time that's enough and I don't let it bother me anymore. But I confess that at times it does sting that she's so uninterested in having me be part of her family.

This describes mine , though she has been openly hostile and even outright aggressive towards me. I seldom complain directly to DH.
Her behavior has backfired on her big time. FIL, who was the sweetest soul, passed away unexpectedly last year. If she had made the slightest effort to be nice we would have been happy to have her visit whenever she wanted. DH instead goes to visit her once a year in her native Europe. He vetoed the idea of having her her for long stretches.

[Anonymous]

My mom is often openly rude to my brother's serious girlfriend. The rest of us, including my dad, are hoping they get married someday because she is a wonderful person. It is jealousy, pure and simple. She cannot bear to share her son with any woman. It just dumbfounds me how selfish she is. Just do your best to ignore it.

[Anonymous]

I do not like my SIL. I am not jealous of her. I am not insecure. I do not like her. Period. She has an unpleasant, rigid, cold, unwelcoming personality.

I wonder why posters on this thread believe that anyone who does not like them must be insecure and jealous? Let me ask you: when you do not like someone, do you believe that YOU are insecure and jealous? Hardly. You know that person rubs you the wrong way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not like my SIL. I am not jealous of her. I am not insecure. I do not like her. Period. She has an unpleasant, rigid, cold, unwelcoming personality.

I wonder why posters on this thread believe that anyone who does not like them must be insecure and jealous? Let me ask you: when you do not like someone, do you believe that YOU are insecure and jealous? Hardly. You know that person rubs you the wrong way.

I think my MIL is insecure and jealous of me because she's told me that she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is often openly rude to my brother's serious girlfriend. The rest of us, including my dad, are hoping they get married someday because she is a wonderful person. It is jealousy, pure and simple. She cannot bear to share her son with any woman. It just dumbfounds me how selfish she is. Just do your best to ignore it.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The ugly duck person is a fiction writer. Thanks for entertaining us.

The ugly duck person sounds like my Chinese MIL.

[Anonymous]

What if it is a pattern beyond one individual, a pattern that extends to the immediate family they grew up with... a control thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if it is a pattern beyond one individual, a pattern that extends to the immediate family they grew up with... a control thing.

Patterns can be broken.