Anyone skip having a baby shower?

[Anonymous]

I've never been a huge fan of baby showers and am considering not having one. Did anyone else do this? If so, did you regret it? I'm sure my work colleagues will do a small one whether I'd like it or not, so I mean a shower with friends and family.

A little backstory on me is that besides the whole not wanting to be the center of attention thing, I lack a big group of girlfriends In DC. Most of my closest friends and family live out of town. Also, full disclosure is that I'm still smarting a bit from the experience of planning my own bachelorette party--all of my out of town bridesmaids showed up in force, but most of my local DC friends (save two) couldn't make it, which really embarrassed me (my bridesmaids were really wanting to meet my DC friends) and hurt my feelings badly. I am also in the midst of organizing a baby shower for another friend that is going to be huge and cost me a considerable amount of time and money, and I really don't want anyone to have to go through that on my behalf. I know family and friends will send us gifts regardless so it's not like I need a shower for purposes of obtaining baby things.

Any thoughts?

[Anonymous]

1. You don't have a baby shower -- someone throws one for you. So you can turn it down if you don't want one.
2. You need to make better friends in DC if you plan to live here long-term and raise children here. Put more effort into friendships here than your old friends back home. It will pay off, particularly when you are PPT and need support and mommy friends.

Good luck

[Anonymous]

Didn't have a shower for either of my two DC. Figured people had already come to our wedding two years prior to my first, and didn't think it was necessary to have them fly out for a baby shower. That being said, I am generally low key about these things. I didn't have a bachelorette party either, and in general haven't made an effort to go to my out of town friends 'event' parties (other than weddings). I was 32 pregnant with my first and 35 pregnant with my second. That may have something to do with my attitude.

[Anonymous]

Daughter #1 arrived early, so the planned baby shower ended up being very different because she was in the NICU. It turned out much less stressful -- I made it co-ed, kept it informal, vetoed any games, and didn't open any presents at the party. It was basically an excuse for friends to get together. Another option is to have a "Sip and See" after the baby is born.

Agree with PP that you'll find out quick which of your DC friends (non-married, no kids) will make the effort to stay in touch once your life changes with a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. You don't have a baby shower -- someone throws one for you. So you can turn it down if you don't want one.
2. You need to make better friends in DC if you plan to live here long-term and raise children here. Put more effort into friendships here than your old friends back home. It will pay off, particularly when you are PPT and need support and mommy friends.

Good luck

I'm the OP. To clarify, I do have about a dozen closer friends here. But I see them sporadically due to work schedules, living all over the DMV, work travel, and being in different life situations (some are single and dating, others are at home with a new baby, etc). I have put in the effort--and unfortunately have had to say goodbye to a lot of friends I've made since we've lived here who have left for various reasons--moving home, deployment, grad school, new jobs, etc. The constant churn of people in and out of the city can make lasting friendships hard. And I am planning on joining PACE and some mom's groups as I get farther in the pregnancy to meet other moms. I realize people throw a shower for you--and a few of my friends have already asked if someone is planning on doing that (I've told them no).

[Anonymous]

You can decline having a baby shower if someone offers to have one for you.

I reluctantly went along with having bridal shower as a family peacemaking gesture but headed off any offers for a baby shower except at work where coworkers planned a small joint shower for me and another woman due around the same time. Small condo helped as did being in a Jewish family where some people are superstitious about preparing too much before the baby arrives.

[Anonymous]

I didn't want a baby shower either, op. I was new to this area and only had a few friends, no close friends. I don't like being the center of attention anyway and esp felt that way since I didn't know very many ppl in this area very well. However, one of my friends wanted to give me a baby shower. I thanked her but I told her how I felt about it. She understood but still wanted to do something so decided she would organize a small group to go out for brunch and just casually mention to all invited that this was a brunch to celebrate the baby/me but not really call it a baby shower or make a big deal out of it at all. It worked out well...it was just a nice brunch w 8 people. I really preferred that to a more traditional baby shower. Maybe if your family/friends want to host a shower for you, you could kind of suggest something similar--brunch, afternoon tea, etc just to have a time to kind of celebrate the baby w family and friends

[Anonymous]

I'm not really a fan OP either. We can afford anything for baby that we want so I feel bad about the gift grab aspect. We were married 5 years ago, so our bridal shower was far enough away that I wouldn't care.

We're planning a big party when baby is about 4-6 weeks old like a sip and see. So our family and friends can visit baby and share in our joy (the way they would for a baby shower) but no gifts required.

[Anonymous]

Similarly ambivalent about a shower, but people keep asking/offering, so I think we're going to do a co-ed gathering-- more of a party/chance to see friends before we get bogged down with exhaustion and new baby stuff. I think if you make it about both you and DH, and less of a true "shower" (with games/present opening/etc.) you may find it less stressful and more fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Similarly ambivalent about a shower, but people keep asking/offering, so I think we're going to do a co-ed gathering-- more of a party/chance to see friends before we get bogged down with exhaustion and new baby stuff. I think if you make it about both you and DH, and less of a true "shower" (with games/present opening/etc.) you may find it less stressful and more fun.

My friends threw something like this for us, and it is one of my happiest memories ever. I thought I didn't want a shower, but two of my friends wanted to throw one, and I'm so glad I accepted! It's been almost 6 years now, and I still feel so happy any time I think of it. DH had a blast as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Similarly ambivalent about a shower, but people keep asking/offering, so I think we're going to do a co-ed gathering-- more of a party/chance to see friends before we get bogged down with exhaustion and new baby stuff. I think if you make it about both you and DH, and less of a true "shower" (with games/present opening/etc.) you may find it less stressful and more fun.

We did this. It was really just a huge party. I am pretty antisocial but it was great meeting his childhood friends, extended family, etc. Kids were invited to come, as we set them up in the playroom. We also had drinks. The guys loved this. We chat the entire time. We did a couple games. The onsie decoration was a big hit! We didn't open gifts. I hate doing that. Instead, we personalized a thank you note with a picture of our newborn in the onsie the person made.

[Anonymous]

Didn't want a baby shower with either of my 2 kids, and didn't have one. I find them antiquated and weird personally, unless you have a big family that lives nearby. I didn't mind my wedding shower, but that was really for my mother and her friends, with a few of my childhood friends thrown in for good measure.

[Anonymous]

Me! I can't stand baby showers never go to them and def wouldnt subject other people to one!

[Anonymous]

I didn't have one. I don't like being the center of attention, and was superstitious about other people buying stuff for the baby before he was born.

[Anonymous]

If you don't want to have a shower because you don't like them, then absolutely don't have one. But it sounds like you're worried that there wouldn't be a good turnout or you're not worthy of the effort from your friends that it takes to put one together -- " am also in the midst of organizing a baby shower for another friend that is going to be huge and cost me a considerable amount of time and money, and I really don't want anyone to have to go through that on my behalf" -- that's bumming me out. I've thrown showers for people before and honestly it always costs more than I think it will when I offer, but it's worth it because it's a way of telling your friend "we want to help make this new stage of your life as easy and fun as possible because we love you." If you have friend offering, then sure, tell them no if you really don't want a shower. Please don't tell them no because you don't think you're worth the effort or expense.

Like some PP's have said you can alter the format a bit so you're not so much the center of attention -- 90% of the showers I've been to in the last 5 years have been some version of co-ed/no games/no present opening/casual cookout/you get the idea.