Daycare Experiences

[Anonymous]

I'm currently on maternity leave and had fully planned to return to work after.... only now, I'm not so sure. The thought of leaving our baby in daycare at 12 weeks old scares me. I don't want to miss all the milestones, have her attach to the daycare teachers, etc. However if I stayed home, things would be really tight financially. But I think we could make some large cutbacks for a bit. I know I'm not alone with these concerns... but can anyone share their experiences with putting a young baby in daycare to return to work? Did you regret it? Or, SAHM, what made you confidently decide to stay home?

[Anonymous]

Have you tried searching the board? This topic comes up millions of times, and it's not really like posts would go out of date on this topic.

[Anonymous]

I left both of my children at day care when they were 16 weeks each. It was really awful and hard to do with baby #1, but was much easier with baby #2. Honestly, I just don't think I could have provided the necessary socialization and other activities for my little one staying at home - yeah, I guess I could have with a lot of work and thinking - but I have been very happy with day care. Each kid is different and each family is different - but for me, I've enjoyed seeing how my kids have grown, how they react to other people and learn to do things on their own without me, how they do activities that I would never think to do with them. At times, day care has pushed them to milestones earlier than I would have wanted - in some cases (like moving to one nap or getting rid of the bottle), I have not been happy with it. But in other cases (like potty training), I really appreciated their expert advice and consistency at school. Good luck. If you decide to do day care, then think about phasing it in over a week or so -- sort of for your baby, but especially for you. It's a tough first week - give yourself a break and just know that it's tough but gets easier.

[Anonymous]

We were in what sounds like a similar situation and I decided to SAH for 1 yr. Well, 1 yr passed and it worked out well for everyone so now I am continuing. I personally think its better for a 0-12 MO to be at home with mom (or dad), but I also think you don't want to dig yourself a financial grave by staying home. For us the compromise was that we only saved a modest amount into a 401K but that was it, and for me this was a very worthwhile tradeoff to stay home. If we had my income we also would have been closer to purchasing a house. Other factors involved in the decision was that I really, really wanted to stay home and I didn't love my old job. My husband got a large raise this year so I am continuing to stay home bc we have extra cushion.

You can also go back and see how it goes for a month?

[Anonymous]

Our son was in daycare and it was a wonderful experience for all of us. He loved his daycare providers but didn't bond with them more than me. He started at 4 months and went until 4 years. If I had to do it over again I would.

I am still his mom and daycare didn't change that one bit.

At his 5 year check up recently the doctor asked how his socialization skills are I know that there are kids in his class who are struggling never being in a group environment like he was. We have had no problems.

And yeah, I will be the first to admit I supported the daycare providers lead with potty training and I don't mind that one bit.

[Anonymous]

It is not a bad thing for your child to attach to daycare providers or other adults! They are not going to replace you, OP.

[Anonymous]

My older son started daycare at about 3.5 months (stayed until he was 3 yo when he switched to public preschool) and my 8 month dd just started at 6.5 months. In my opinion, starting later made a huge difference. Obvs they are different people, but I think the adjustment for both her and me was easier because of the extra 3 months. Can you extend your maternity leave a little?

[Anonymous]

We *love* our daycare. A few differences that I totally respect and that may make my experiences not applicable to you:
1) I didn't want to be a SAHM
2) My DD started daycare at 7 months

Honestly - she ADORES daycare. She loves her teachers and does so many activities. And I go off and do adult stuff and use my brain and YAY. And then we see each other at the end of the afternoon and we are both so excited. She loves it when her dad and I walk through the door, but we also many times have come in and she hasn't noticed and we've been able to watch her just do her thing and be happy.

I guess what I'm saying is that it's very hard and anxiety-inducing to contemplate this, but there are also many wonderful benefits to daycare. Additionally, I have friends who stayed home with their kids and then sent them to daycare when they were older (1-2) and the transition for the kid was actually WAY harder.

I guess the other thing is that in this economy and environment it's very hard to leave a career and then resume it without negative effects. It shouldn't be that way but it is.

[Anonymous]

Even if you are confident in your decision to WOH and happy to return, it's still hard. I don't regret it though. I found that the infant age (say <1 year) was easier than the young toddler age; they were sleeping a lot of the day and their needs were more easily met. Our experience with the teachers in the young infant room was great and they doted on our kids. I never felt like they were more attached to the daycare teachers, though. We went through rough times with constant illness, nap transitions, separation anxiety, but that didn't happen until more of the 12-18 month age. Now that they are preschool age, they look forward to seeing their teachers and friends and it's just part of their daily life. We've made friends with other parents and feel part of a community, and that makes me feel validated in my choice to WOH. I'm sure if we had a negative experience I'd feel differently.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thank you so much for your responses.

Currently looking into working PT, which could help us a little. I'm not loving my current job, it's actually very stressful and I usually would come home stressed out. I know that's not going to be healthy.

I don't want to look back and regret missing things. I also want to keep the special bond we have now but it seems scary with us being apart 40 hours a week.

Daycare moms - did you notice your kids were sick often? Maybe I'm paranoid, but I noticed many of the kids had watery eyes and runny noses when we toured the facility.

*sigh* This is one of the hardest decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you so much for your responses.

Currently looking into working PT, which could help us a little. I'm not loving my current job, it's actually very stressful and I usually would come home stressed out. I know that's not going to be healthy.

I don't want to look back and regret missing things. I also want to keep the special bond we have now but it seems scary with us being apart 40 hours a week.

Daycare moms - did you notice your kids were sick often? Maybe I'm paranoid, but I noticed many of the kids had watery eyes and runny noses when we toured the facility.

*sigh* This is one of the hardest decisions.

Yep, your kid will get sick a lot the first winter. It's ok. It passes and they have to go through this eventually. Better when they are young and not missing out on instructional days at school!

[Anonymous]

If you have the option of taking unpaid leave for six months, I recommend that. I'm not sure going part-time makes a lot of financial sense.

I also recommend seeing whether you can find a smaller at-home day care. We lucked out and found a place that was really amazing for both our kids, well run, and the kids got a lot of attention. It's more like a large family, with kids of different ages acting like older siblings.

[Anonymous]

I second a lot of the wonderful thigns PPs have said about daycares.

But about the above suggestion for an at-home place, I'd be wary. I felt much more comfortable with the greater instututional support for the teachers, and the greater structure, at a center. The lack of in-home licensing in VA terrifies me, though I think DC and MD are better. But I actually really liked having multiple eyes and hands on my kids, felt that it was better for safety and they got a lot from having so many loving caregivers.

As for the bonding thing, I've always kept with me something I read when my first was young -- the more people who love your child, the better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not a bad thing for your child to attach to daycare providers or other adults! They are not going to replace you, OP.

I never worried that they would replace me. I'll always be her mother. In my view, the more people who loved my baby, the better. Yes, she attached to her daycare providers. She still smiles and gives hugs when she sees the infant room teachers in the hallway.

Yes, it was and is hard to leave her everyday, but that's really my loss. She's thriving--her social skills are great, she's learning a lot, she has fun, and she's a happy, healthy kid. And I don't feel guilty about working--it's what pays for the roof over her head, the food she eats, and her medical care. It will pay for her education and activities. It pays for us to be able to visit our extended families so that she can have a close relationship to her grandparents and cousins. It will pay for our retirement so that we won't be a burden on her. I miss her during the day, but I don't worry about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not a bad thing for your child to attach to daycare providers or other adults! They are not going to replace you, OP.

True, but children do form a primary attachment and when you go back to work that's either a daycare worker or a nanny. It's okay, but it's true.