Daycare Experiences

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have the option of taking unpaid leave for six months, I recommend that. I'm not sure going part-time makes a lot of financial sense.

I also recommend seeing whether you can find a smaller at-home day care. We lucked out and found a place that was really amazing for both our kids, well run, and the kids got a lot of attention. It's more like a large family, with kids of different ages acting like older siblings.

Actually, long-term it makes incredible financial sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I second a lot of the wonderful thigns PPs have said about daycares.

But about the above suggestion for an at-home place, I'd be wary. I felt much more comfortable with the greater instututional support for the teachers, and the greater structure, at a center. The lack of in-home licensing in VA terrifies me, though I think DC and MD are better. But I actually really liked having multiple eyes and hands on my kids, felt that it was better for safety and they got a lot from having so many loving caregivers.

As for the bonding thing, I've always kept with me something I read when my first was young -- the more people who love your child, the better.

PP--just missed reading your post. Love isn't a zero-sum game. Kids don't love you less because they also love other people. They just love...more. And the more people who love them, the more they are loved.

[Anonymous]

What?! Non way that attachment is "primary." Just go to a daycare and watch dropoffs and pickups. The kids at ours liked the teachers, but parents are in a different category.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you so much for your responses.

Currently looking into working PT, which could help us a little. I'm not loving my current job, it's actually very stressful and I usually would come home stressed out. I know that's not going to be healthy.

I don't want to look back and regret missing things. I also want to keep the special bond we have now but it seems scary with us being apart 40 hours a week.

Daycare moms - did you notice your kids were sick often? Maybe I'm paranoid, but I noticed many of the kids had watery eyes and runny noses when we toured the facility.

*sigh* This is one of the hardest decisions.

Mine actually wasn't sick all that much. Depends on your kid.

Also, being in daycare will not weaken your bond with your baby. I promise. Babies love their mothers. Period, full stop. Being in daycare is not going to change that. My daughter and I have a very close and affectionate relationship.

[Anonymous]

sorry, 14:33 here, i was responding to 14:31. i don't know how you'd back up your assertion that the daycare/nanny attachment is "primary," that's completely counter to anything i've ever seen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you so much for your responses.

Currently looking into working PT, which could help us a little. I'm not loving my current job, it's actually very stressful and I usually would come home stressed out. I know that's not going to be healthy.

I don't want to look back and regret missing things. I also want to keep the special bond we have now but it seems scary with us being apart 40 hours a week.

Daycare moms - did you notice your kids were sick often? Maybe I'm paranoid, but I noticed many of the kids had watery eyes and runny noses when we toured the facility.

*sigh* This is one of the hardest decisions.

Yes, they get sick. My DS had minor colds as an infant but it wasn't a big deal. It was when he was more mobile that he got RSV, HFM, Roseola...but my friends with kids in preschool have dealt with the same maladies. I don't think they're entirely unavoidable, even if I admit it's much harder to manage sick children when you have to stay home from work and/or figure out an alternate care situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not a bad thing for your child to attach to daycare providers or other adults! They are not going to replace you, OP.

True, but children do form a primary attachment and when you go back to work that's either a daycare worker or a nanny. It's okay, but it's true.

No, it's not. Really, unless you are never with your kid, their primary attachment is going to be with you. Babies know who their mothers are, and that attachment is amazingly strong. Think about it this way--there are kids who are terribly abused by their parents, and they still love their parents more than anything in the world. If love can withstand that, it's not going to be dented by 8 hours a day in daycare. I love my kid, and I never once felt like I was replaced in her affection by anyone. Kids are capable of attaching to more than one adult, but no one is going to replace Mommy.

[Anonymous]

The first two years can be a little rough in terms of bugs while kids build up their immunity, but since then my kids rarely get sick. Good daycares provide wonderful environments for structured activities and socializing. No negative impact whatsoever on bonding. We had a great experience. My only advice is to choose one that suits your child--probably too early to tell right now, but my elder DC was not happy in play-based programs, needed more structured activities to thrive. Based on my DH and my own inclinations, this made sense in hindsight!

[Anonymous]

DD was sick for the first year what seemed like a lot - croup, HFM, pink eye, you name it, she had it. BUT after that first year the instances of anything beyond a runny nose have been few and far between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not a bad thing for your child to attach to daycare providers or other adults! They are not going to replace you, OP.

True, but children do form a primary attachment and when you go back to work that's either a daycare worker or a nanny. It's okay, but it's true.

This is actually not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you so much for your responses.

Currently looking into working PT, which could help us a little. I'm not loving my current job, it's actually very stressful and I usually would come home stressed out. I know that's not going to be healthy.

I don't want to look back and regret missing things. I also want to keep the special bond we have now but it seems scary with us being apart 40 hours a week.

Daycare moms - did you notice your kids were sick often? Maybe I'm paranoid, but I noticed many of the kids had watery eyes and runny noses when we toured the facility.

*sigh* This is one of the hardest decisions.

Yes in a public one that's a given. Do you have any friends or know any other mother's that would watch yours p/t in their home? A relative?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have the option of taking unpaid leave for six months, I recommend that. I'm not sure going part-time makes a lot of financial sense.

I also recommend seeing whether you can find a smaller at-home day care. We lucked out and found a place that was really amazing for both our kids, well run, and the kids got a lot of attention. It's more like a large family, with kids of different ages acting like older siblings.

+1

[Anonymous]

Well, my daughter ended up a Cowboys fan because of her daycare provider. So there's that.

In all seriousness, both my kids thrived in daycare and loved it. They're both super social, and being with other kids all day was fantastic for them. For me, being able to have an adult life and a career separate from them was what I needed. Daycare made me a better mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not a bad thing for your child to attach to daycare providers or other adults! They are not going to replace you, OP.

True, but children do form a primary attachment and when you go back to work that's either a daycare worker or a nanny. It's okay, but it's true.

Oh my god, are you kidding me. The primary attachment is to their parents, unless the parents are completely neglectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not a bad thing for your child to attach to daycare providers or other adults! They are not going to replace you, OP.

During the first years of life, babies and toddlers require care that is:

1. Stable
2. Competent
3. Loving

For most children, the parent is the best person who can provide all three components.

Like many stressed out nurses, daycare workers don't have the time to love your child, even if she wanted to. Other babies are crying to be fed, changed, and picked-up. Just observe in any one of these places for yourself. Invest a few hours of watching with your mouth closed and your eyes and ears open. See for yourself.