How to handle other people's kids when parents not around??

[Anonymous]

I was at the local playground with my 22 month old yesterday. There were a few neighborhood children there, including a 4 year old and his 2-3 year old brother. They did not have a parent with them, but their house is just a few feet from the park, so they may have had a parent watching from a window (then again, maybe not).

My toddler wanted to play with rocks, and was toddling around picking up rocks and tossing them into a larger pile of rocks. After a few minutes of this, the 4 year old came over and told my toddler that the rocks were "his rocks" and every time my child picked up a rock the 4 year old would grab it out of his hands. I told the 4 year old not to do this several times and explained to him that there were enough rocks for everyone and told him to get his own rocks. The 4 year old told me to shut up and continued grabbing my son's rocks. This was clearly upsetting my son, who was doing his best to clutch the rocks to his chest but was no match for the larger child.

I handled this by just removing my son from the situation and taking him to a different area to play.

I felt bad about it because my son didn't understand why we were leaving the park and was very upset, but only for a few minutes until he realized we weren't going home and could continue to play outside.

I was just wondering if I did the right thing? I would not have been comfortable being much firmer with another person's child - I think the next step would have been to physically try to prevent him from his behavior, and I don't see that as my responsibility - but I was wondering if I should have contacted his parents? It seems so trivial and petty to knock on his parent's door to say "your 4 year old is teasing my 2 year old."

What would others have done?

[Anonymous]

I would have done the same thing. I try to let my DD (18 months) work it out on her own when something like this happens, but if it goes too far and the other parents aren't stepping in I just ask the other child to stop what they are doing (in a nice "let's all be friends" tone). That's about it. After that, it's time to help your child find another place to play. Yes, it stinks. However, if you think about it, it's not a bad lesson to learn. "Sometimes you just have to walk away."

[Anonymous]

4 and 3 seem awfully young to be alone at the park. Are you positive one of the other parents there wasn't supposed to be watching them?

Honestly I think that's too young to be alone at the park. I would have taken them back home, with the attitude of "These kids must have slipped out of the house while you were in the shower."

If the parents say, no I sent them there alone, I don't know what you would do -- I still think it is too young, but I don't know if you call the police for something like this.

Even so, if the parents send the kids back without accompanying them, I would have no hesitation speaking very directly to the 4 year old about the rocks. "Look, kid, these rocks belong to MY child. You may not take them. I'm worried that you might get hurt. My kid is still little and doesn't know not to throw things. ANds I"m going to stand right here and make sure you don't get hurt. You need to go away now."

I wouldn't touch the child. But the whole situation sounds pretty neglectful to me; if it happens a lot, i'd be very concerned about those kids.

[Anonymous]

I just can't get over their lettung a 4 year old and a 2 to 3 year old play alone. I think they should expect other adults to interact with their kids if they are doing this, and they were lucky it was only you and not someone dangerous. I wouldn't have felt bad about being firmer-the parents brought the situation on themselves.

[Anonymous]

Mine is now six and I have been in the same situation around the same age as your child, OP. First, I talked and said something similar to you. When that did not work, I asked, "Where are your parents? I think they need to address how rude and poorly behaved you are." When I got nothing, I stood up and called out to all of the people within earshot, "Is anyone here with this little boy/girl? I need to speak to a parent or caregiver about his/her poor behavior!" When I still got nothing, I turned back to the kid and said in a firm and angry tone, "Stop what you are doing. Get away from my kid NOW. Your parents aren't here and my next step is to call the police. Go home." Generally that works -- I have been in the situation more than once. I have only had to take out my cell phone once.

Also, I have been at the park when kids have been doing dangerous things and intervened. Little boys swinging huge long sticks like baseball bats in small crowded play areas or in the sandbox over the tops of other kids heads is my favorite example. I don't hesitate to tell them to stop and if they don't and a parent doesn't intervene, I take the stick away, break it and throw the pieces away or in the woods if there are any.

[Anonymous]

You people are all nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine is now six and I have been in the same situation around the same age as your child, OP. First, I talked and said something similar to you. When that did not work, I asked, "Where are your parents? I think they need to address how rude and poorly behaved you are." When I got nothing, I stood up and called out to all of the people within earshot, "Is anyone here with this little boy/girl? I need to speak to a parent or caregiver about his/her poor behavior!" When I still got nothing, I turned back to the kid and said in a firm and angry tone, "Stop what you are doing. Get away from my kid NOW. Your parents aren't here and my next step is to call the police. Go home." Generally that works -- I have been in the situation more than once. I have only had to take out my cell phone once.

It's never gotten this far with me (my kid's now seven), but I like your answer.

[zumbamama]

OMG! I wouldn't let a 4 year old tell me to shut up! I'd tell him/her exactly what I thought of the comment, and to go ask his mom if he can play with the rocks, and that DC can play with the rocks if he/she so chooses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is now six and I have been in the same situation around the same age as your child, OP. First, I talked and said something similar to you. When that did not work, I asked, "Where are your parents? I think they need to address how rude and poorly behaved you are." When I got nothing, I stood up and called out to all of the people within earshot, "Is anyone here with this little boy/girl? I need to speak to a parent or caregiver about his/her poor behavior!" When I still got nothing, I turned back to the kid and said in a firm and angry tone, "Stop what you are doing. Get away from my kid NOW. Your parents aren't here and my next step is to call the police. Go home." Generally that works -- I have been in the situation more than once. I have only had to take out my cell phone once.

It's never gotten this far with me (my kid's now seven), but I like your answer.

i think this response makes sense to me. but i also feel kind of sorry for the misbehaving kid. it is sad that a 4 year old needs to be reprimanded by a stranger this way. the fact that the kid is unsupervised and telling an adult to "shut up" makes me think his life at home probably involves being told to "shut up" a lot as well.

[Anonymous]

This is 8:56 posting again. I completely agree with the posters who expressed that it is sad that these kids were unsupervised and may be parroting what is said to them at home (i.e. "shut up"). However sad it may be for the kids in question, my belief was always that I did not want to show my child that her following the rules and sharing, taking turns, playing safely, etc. would be rewarded by having to stop when other kids were not following the rules. So I generally chose to enforce the rules despite the inherent discomfort I had to show my kid that people who misbehave are the ones who lose out on all the fun. I just always felt that if I did not address situations like these my kid would learn to behave like the kids behaving badly and getting their way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is 8:56 posting again. I completely agree with the posters who expressed that it is sad that these kids were unsupervised and may be parroting what is said to them at home (i.e. "shut up"). However sad it may be for the kids in question, my belief was always that I did not want to show my child that her following the rules and sharing, taking turns, playing safely, etc. would be rewarded by having to stop when other kids were not following the rules. So I generally chose to enforce the rules despite the inherent discomfort I had to show my kid that people who misbehave are the ones who lose out on all the fun. I just always felt that if I did not address situations like these my kid would learn to behave like the kids behaving badly and getting their way.

Or they would learn that other people were allowed to treat them badly like this.

[Anonymous]

Good god, what kind of loser lets a 3 yr old play at a park unsupervised?

[Anonymous]

new poster here. How is standing up for your child and telling another unsupervised child their behavior is inappropriate treating a child badly? Seriously???? The PP didn't say she disciplined the child - but she made it clear that certain behaviors are unacceptable.

When I was a child other adults (even those I didn't know) had no qualms telling me if I was out of line. I wasn't spanked or otherwise disciplined - just verbally told to quit my behavior and straighten up. Sure - it might have been embarrasing - but it got me to act appropriately. Their actions didn't cause any long term (or really short term) harm. I knew that I couldn't get away with things. I knew if I kept it up, my parents would be told.

Why can't we tell other children "no" if we see them doing something that is clearly wrong and their parents/guardians do not seem to be near?

[Anonymous]

08:22 here-- I completely disagree that having your child play somewhere else when a stranger's child is being a bully is teaching them that bad behavior gets rewarded, unless of course, you are sending that message all the time and in other situations. Give kids some credit-- they can learn to distinguish between different situations. Sometimes it's best to walk away. I'm 32 and have a job that sometimes requires that I confront "bullies." I STILL find that some people just aren't worth dealing with and, (I'll say it again) it's best to walk away. And, what about learning that "life isn't always fair?"

[Anonymous]

These aren't just random children, right? This is a community park in your community. These kids are your neighbors.

I think there are two separate issues -- what do you say to have a pleasant play experience for your own child, and secondly, what is going on with these preschool aged children who are out at a playground alone? The second issue is more important than the first one to me.

If a daycare center left 2 preschoolers outside on the playground while all the teachers went inside for lunch, wouldn't they be cited? Fined? fired? It isn't acceptable for children that young to be without supervision at the playground. Even if the parents are inside the house, looking out every so often, it still isn't OK.