Husband takes his stress out on me during sex

[Anonymous]

I know sex is good stress relief., and we've never had a tender or gentle style, he's always been a little bit rough with me which is fine. Problem is lately it's become painful like leaving me raw and sore, and he kind of brushes it off when I tell him it hurts. I mean he'll stop for a bit but go right back to it or do it again the next time.

I'm starting not to enjoy oir time together, which is a problem, because he says he can't enjoy it if i'm not into it enough.

Like I said I don't mind it being a little rough, but I don't want to hurt or feel like an object after which is what I've been feeling lately or like I'm being punished for something.
I'm just not sure how to let him know he's hurting me without making him feel bad or that I want him to completely change his style, or make him feel like I don't care about his needs.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. Both of you have problems.

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh, tell him he's hurting you! If he loves you and he's a good person, he will stop! Come up with a word you can say during sex to let him know he's hurting you and that he has to stop being so rough. Let him know it's making you not enjoy sex! It sounds awful and honestly, a little bit scary!

[Anonymous]

My first marriage was like this. Eventually, I lost all desire for him.

[Anonymous]

I've told him it hurts both during and at other times. During he'll stop for a bit, but goes back eventually. Later he says he was just caught up in the moment and he says he''s sorry, he promises to try to do better. But, things haven't improved.
It still feels a little good sometimes, but mostly I dread it when I think he wants sex and feel like throwing up after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've told him it hurts both during and at other times. During he'll stop for a bit, but goes back eventually. Later he says he was just caught up in the moment and he says he''s sorry, he promises to try to do better. But, things haven't improved.
It still feels a little good sometimes, but mostly I dread it when I think he wants sex and feel like throwing up after.

I'm not trying to be overly dramatic, but I think this is abusive. You feel like throwing up afterward. That must be traumatic. I am so, so sorry! Please don't question yourself for even a minute. this has to stop.

[Anonymous]

Cut him off. Tell him no until therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've told him it hurts both during and at other times. During he'll stop for a bit, but goes back eventually. Later he says he was just caught up in the moment and he says he''s sorry, he promises to try to do better. But, things haven't improved.
It still feels a little good sometimes, but mostly I dread it when I think he wants sex and feel like throwing up after.

This is one of the worst things I've read about sex in a marriage.

It isn't right, and you need to put a stop to it. I agree with PP, cut him off. Tell him it's too rough and no longer enjoyable for you. Sex is not just about poor little him.

[Anonymous]

You sure this isn't an issue with you needing more lubrication? I've never had painful sex but that's because I have almost too much lubrication.

[Anonymous]

I don't think so, he's been rushing the foreplay too so maybe. I've only noticed the pain the last month or so when he's been rougher than normal.


I don't want to do anything drastic to upset him or make things worse.

I love him and our relationship is otherwise good . I don't want this to ruin things.
Maybe I should just tell him that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've told him it hurts both during and at other times. During he'll stop for a bit, but goes back eventually. Later he says he was just caught up in the moment and he says he''s sorry, he promises to try to do better. But, things haven't improved.
It still feels a little good sometimes, but mostly I dread it when I think he wants sex and feel like throwing up after.

Does he work out? I'd have him work out a few hours before you have sex. See if that helps? Also, TELL HIM when you're not in bed, "You keep hurting me and being too rough even though I've told you several times. Now I dread having sex with you because of how much it hurts and I'm losing respect for you since you're not respecting my body. Where do we go from here? Because I want to WANT to have sex with you, but I don't now. Shall I schedule a few sessions of marital counseling so we can get on the same page and get this cleared up?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've told him it hurts both during and at other times. During he'll stop for a bit, but goes back eventually. Later he says he was just caught up in the moment and he says he''s sorry, he promises to try to do better. But, things haven't improved.
It still feels a little good sometimes, but mostly I dread it when I think he wants sex and feel like throwing up after.

I'm not trying to be overly dramatic, but I think this is abusive. You feel like throwing up afterward. That must be traumatic. I am so, so sorry! Please don't question yourself for even a minute. this has to stop.

Exactly. He's a very sick and evil person. Do you know his family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've told him it hurts both during and at other times. During he'll stop for a bit, but goes back eventually. Later he says he was just caught up in the moment and he says he''s sorry, he promises to try to do better. But, things haven't improved.
It still feels a little good sometimes, but mostly I dread it when I think he wants sex and feel like throwing up after.

I'm not trying to be overly dramatic, but I think this is abusive. You feel like throwing up afterward. That must be traumatic. I am so, so sorry! Please don't question yourself for even a minute. this has to stop.

I agree with this 100%.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is abusive, whether he means it to be or not. This is traumatizing you. One of my first boyfriends was like this and a decade later, I'm still dealing with the trauma of feeling ignored and objectified by him during sex in this exact same manner. It really messed me up, and this will mess you up. He is not listening to you, and actively hurting you.

Stop having sex with him and get into counselling stat (couples and/or individual, but you both need it). I'm so sorry What he is doing is absolutely not okay. He is not treating you in a respectful or humane manner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've told him it hurts both during and at other times. During he'll stop for a bit, but goes back eventually. Later he says he was just caught up in the moment and he says he''s sorry, he promises to try to do better. But, things haven't improved.
It still feels a little good sometimes, but mostly I dread it when I think he wants sex and feel like throwing up after.

This is one of the worst things I've read about sex in a marriage.

It isn't right, and you need to put a stop to it. I agree with PP, cut him off. Tell him it's too rough and no longer enjoyable for you. Sex is not just about poor little him.

+1

This makes me feel sick. You need to protect yourself right now OP.