Online dating/dating etc

[Anonymous]

I've been in a very casual relationship for the past 6mths with someone. We have not been exclusive but things have been comfortable, not weird etc. I did not care if he was seeing other people mostly because it was not being flaunted in my face and he was always responsive to me....until the last few weeks. I brought up the fact he wasn't consistent and I wanted some consistency (note-I wasn't asking for commitment). I don't think this went over well and I started seeing him active on a dating site. Should I be insanely annoyed on days he claims he is busy with work? Or should I walk the talk? I feel like he has the best of all worlds--and I'm not sure how to feel about it or if I should walk away. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you want different things. Maybe time to move on. There are other fish in the sea.

[Anonymous]

You will need to lower your expectations of him if you want to stick it out. You say you don't need commitment but you do want more than he is offering, which is a purely casual connection. Don't stay in something that makes you feel bad.
You keep dating, too.

[Anonymous]

If after six months he can't commit to you or even see you regularly, he's not the one. Move on.

Women need to stop putting up with this crap from men. If they did, men would have to treat women better.

[Anonymous]

"If after six months he can't commit to you or even see you regularly, he's not the one. Move on.

Women need to stop putting up with this crap from men. If they did, men would have to treat women better."

If after six months neither of them is clear that s/he wants to date exclusively, they both need to move on. No need to throw it on the men - if OP hasn't wanted or asked for an exclusive relationship, that's not her guy's fault.

-A woman

[Anonymous]

OP here-neither one of us wants a classic relationship since we are both coming out fresh from divorces. In my case, my divorce isn't stamped yet. But, as one pp pointed out, it doesn't meant I need to feel bad about things. Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"If after six months he can't commit to you or even see you regularly, he's not the one. Move on.

Women need to stop putting up with this crap from men. If they did, men would have to treat women better."

If after six months neither of them is clear that s/he wants to date exclusively, they both need to move on. No need to throw it on the men - if OP hasn't wanted or asked for an exclusive relationship, that's not her guy's fault.

-A woman

I wasn't saying it was. Women put up with this crap from men. They need to stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here-neither one of us wants a classic relationship since we are both coming out fresh from divorces. In my case, my divorce isn't stamped yet. But, as one pp pointed out, it doesn't meant I need to feel bad about things. Right?

Of course not. Wanting a commitment, or "consistency" or whatever you want to call it does not make you a bad person. Him NOT wanting it does not make him a bad person, either. You're just not a match. You can't compel him to want what you want. You're just wasting time. Find someone else who shares your goals.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would have a headache dating a woman like you where dating has to go through "stages" that have to be hyperanalyzed.

[Anonymous]

Women want a mate. Men want a harem (at low cost). The Merry go round continues!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Women need to stop putting up with this crap from men. If they did, men would have to treat women better.

What about the good men who put up with womens crap, does your comments apply to them also?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would have a headache dating a woman like you where dating has to go through "stages" that have to be hyperanalyzed.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been in a very casual relationship for the past 6mths with someone. We have not been exclusive but things have been comfortable, not weird etc. I did not care if he was seeing other people mostly because it was not being flaunted in my face and he was always responsive to me....until the last few weeks. I brought up the fact he wasn't consistent and I wanted some consistency (note-I wasn't asking for commitment). I don't think this went over well and I started seeing him active on a dating site. Should I be insanely annoyed on days he claims he is busy with work? Or should I walk the talk? I feel like he has the best of all worlds--and I'm not sure how to feel about it or if I should walk away. Thoughts?

You asked for what you wanted but you had to know that there was as much a chance of him saying no to your request as there was to him saying yes. You got no. You can get annoyed about him saying he is busy with work, but it would be a waste of time and energy. He MAY be busy with work or he may be doing something else but either way he is not with you and HE is good with that.

So now, if you asked for what you wanted and didn't get it, you can accept what is or go out and pursue something that will be what you want.

[Anonymous]

Don't lie to yourself; you'll just be wasting your time. I don't know what 'consistency' means but, assuming you want more of a commitment than he's willing to give, you have to decide if you would be happy if things never changed. If the answer is no, then don't lie to yourself and just find someone else before you become more emotionally invested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been in a very casual relationship for the past 6mths with someone. We have not been exclusive but things have been comfortable, not weird etc. I did not care if he was seeing other people mostly because it was not being flaunted in my face and he was always responsive to me....until the last few weeks. I brought up the fact he wasn't consistent and I wanted some consistency (note-I wasn't asking for commitment). I don't think this went over well and I started seeing him active on a dating site. Should I be insanely annoyed on days he claims he is busy with work? Or should I walk the talk? I feel like he has the best of all worlds--and I'm not sure how to feel about it or if I should walk away. Thoughts?

You asked for what you wanted but you had to know that there was as much a chance of him saying no to your request as there was to him saying yes. You got no. You can get annoyed about him saying he is busy with work, but it would be a waste of time and energy. He MAY be busy with work or he may be doing something else but either way he is not with you and HE is good with that.

So now, if you asked for what you wanted and didn't get it, you can accept what is or go out and pursue something that will be what you want.

This is 100% true.