What kind of relationship do you have with your surrogate?

[Anonymous]

Do you go to all appointments? Do you visit outside of medical/legal appts? We're you in the delivery room?

[Anonymous]

I'd love to know this too! Just got matched with a carrier.

[Anonymous]

An adversarial one, unfortunately. Had I known that she was the sort of person to try to use emotional manipulation to get out of contract terms she now regrets, I never would have worked with her. Too late now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An adversarial one, unfortunately. Had I known that she was the sort of person to try to use emotional manipulation to get out of contract terms she now regrets, I never would have worked with her. Too late now.

Do tell.

[Anonymous]

16:30 here- she has all the leverage, since she could hurt my baby. So when I ask her to do something that's in the contract, she claims she has hurt feelings because I don't trust her, and she is so honest, blah blah blah. Her feelings aren't hurt, she just finds it inconvenient to follow the contract now because the restrictions (that she knowingly agreed to) interfere with her lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16:30 here- she has all the leverage, since she could hurt my baby. So when I ask her to do something that's in the contract, she claims she has hurt feelings because I don't trust her, and she is so honest, blah blah blah. Her feelings aren't hurt, she just finds it inconvenient to follow the contract now because the restrictions (that she knowingly agreed to) interfere with her lifestyle.

She wouldn't do tests? Can you threaten to sue her or not pay the full amount?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16:30 here- she has all the leverage, since she could hurt my baby. So when I ask her to do something that's in the contract, she claims she has hurt feelings because I don't trust her, and she is so honest, blah blah blah. Her feelings aren't hurt, she just finds it inconvenient to follow the contract now because the restrictions (that she knowingly agreed to) interfere with her lifestyle.

I'm sorry about what you are going through.
How did this fall through the cracks? I apologize if this doesn't come across the right way, but the lawyer and clinic were big about the psychological part. We are waiting to be matched. Is there anything in retrospect that might have raised red flags?

[Anonymous]

We each did individual psych screening, but somehow avoided the joint psych screening (I had to do that with my previous failed surrogate match). At the time, I let it go, because it saved me money, after spending so very much on this-- but now I wish we'd done it. I am just hoping she doesn't hurt my baby and counting the days until she delivers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We each did individual psych screening, but somehow avoided the joint psych screening (I had to do that with my previous failed surrogate match). At the time, I let it go, because it saved me money, after spending so very much on this-- but now I wish we'd done it. I am just hoping she doesn't hurt my baby and counting the days until she delivers.

How is she going to hurt your baby?

[Anonymous]

pp how did you find your carrier? Through an agency? Sounds like a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Through an agency. It is run by a former surrogate, who always takes the surrogate's side. I would definitely recommend not using an agency run by a former surrogate. Find one run by a former intended parent or a lawyer or something.

[Anonymous]

Yikes, I'm sorry, PP. Can you seek any recourse for her not abiding to the contract? Is she local or elsewhere? Were you able to get much sense of her personality prior to the contract phase at all? Or was there just not enough contact to gauge her character?

[Anonymous]

PP How can she hurt the baby? Its not that easy to hurt the baby after the first trimester... IP here

[Anonymous]

For pp with adversarial relationship with surrogate...just curious, what kind of "restrictions" in the contract won't she abide to?

[Anonymous]

I'm waiting to be matched now. Any advice?