6 months apart when your marriage isn't great

[Anonymous]

DH has been offered to opportunity to go overseas for 6 months. It's been strongly recommended that he agree, and it would help his career. The problem is, our marriage hasn't been in a great place since our child was born (I'm ashamed to say how long ago that was) and I'm not sure if this would affect is too negatively. I'm especially concerned because I honestly don't think that I'd miss him. Has anyone had a long separation like this when their marriage wasn't happy? How did it affect things?

[Anonymous]

There will likely be cheating involved, so go into the decision making process with open eyes, an open heart, and a good marriage counselor.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do it. Too dangerous for a weak marriage. Could he have the opportunity again at a future date?

[Anonymous]

I'm not worried about cheating, or anything on his end. I'm worried that I'll grow further apart from him.

[Anonymous]

Do you trust him OP? Could the 6m assignment be a good opportunity for you to rebuild? Or would it add stress. There are many factors that would influence my recommendation.

In general you can't lock a person down and not make them do what they are going to do. Either they are on board or they aren't.

What are the factors causing stress and the marriage to not be great? Hblow long has it been occurring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not worried about cheating, or anything on his end. I'm worried that I'll grow further apart from him.

Why? What would you (or he) critically need in 6 months that would make your love change?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder... I would encourage him to go

[Anonymous]

If you have a child and he leaves for 6 months, you might find you will miss him more than you think. My DH travels and there have been rocky times when I was fed up, then he was gone a week and when he came back I was in love again. Being a single parent is hard. If you're considering leaving it might be the clarity you need to confirm either way.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I trust him.

We've had separations like this before, and they've always been helpful, somehow. But this time, I feel like I need a break, which makes me wary of it.

We've been having trouble for a year and a half. He feels like I am his roommate and I feel like he isn't understanding of how much more I am dealing with now with a child and full time job. And that's not code for we're not having enough sex - although we're not. I'm somehow afraid to be emotionally intimate with him after a REALLY rough patch (not cheating).

[Anonymous]

We did it for 18 months and survived. There was no question of cheating on either end. Our marriage is in a better place these days, although the re-adjustment period when he gets home can be a little rough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I trust him.

We've had separations like this before, and they've always been helpful, somehow. But this time, I feel like I need a break, which makes me wary of it.

We've been having trouble for a year and a half. He feels like I am his roommate and I feel like he isn't understanding of how much more I am dealing with now with a child and full time job. And that's not code for we're not having enough sex - although we're not. I'm somehow afraid to be emotionally intimate with him after a REALLY rough patch (not cheating).

You complain about a full time job and dealing with the child but won't you be doing this when he is away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I trust him.

We've had separations like this before, and they've always been helpful, somehow. But this time, I feel like I need a break, which makes me wary of it.

We've been having trouble for a year and a half. He feels like I am his roommate and I feel like he isn't understanding of how much more I am dealing with now with a child and full time job. And that's not code for we're not having enough sex - although we're not. I'm somehow afraid to be emotionally intimate with him after a REALLY rough patch (not cheating).

You complain about a full time job and dealing with the child but won't you be doing this when he is away?

I don't see where I complained. My problem is his lack of understanding of the stresses in my life. If he's away, I get a break from his lack of understanding, at least, that's what's happened before.

[Anonymous]

My parents lived apart due to similar circumstances 2 or 3 times in their marriage -- and it worked wonders for them. I think that it saved their marriage on at least one occasion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I trust him.

We've had separations like this before, and they've always been helpful, somehow. But this time, I feel like I need a break, which makes me wary of it.

We've been having trouble for a year and a half. He feels like I am his roommate and I feel like he isn't understanding of how much more I am dealing with now with a child and full time job. And that's not code for we're not having enough sex - although we're not. I'm somehow afraid to be emotionally intimate with him after a REALLY rough patch (not cheating).

You complain about a full time job and dealing with the child but won't you be doing this when he is away?

I don't see where I complained. My problem is his lack of understanding of the stresses in my life. If he's away, I get a break from his lack of understanding, at least, that's what's happened before.

Well maybe you need him to get out of the picture for a while. I'd say to heck with it. If the marriage is on the rocks, do the sink or swim thing. You'll either come out of this stronger, or move on to better things.

[Anonymous]

We had our rocky phases when the kids were little. I found that travelling for work for a week helped us cool off and perhaps miss each other a bit. It was never six months though. It would help us, but we may be unique.

I know you say "living like roomates" isn't code word for not having enough sex, but as a man I read it that way. I know it's cliche, but once we started having sex again, all the resentment and hostility faded away or at least was dealt with much more kindness and empathy. I would definitely encourage you to try and find someway to reignite the sex life before he goes away.