Is your (grown) sibling competitive with you as an adult?

[Anonymous]

What do you do about it? What if one of you is doing better, so to speak (and the other sibling doesn't need help, but does have a hard time with the fact that the other sibling is doing better)? Do you pretend it doesn't exist? Do you hide your accomplishments?

[Anonymous]

Our salaries are public record.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you do about it? What if one of you is doing better, so to speak (and the other sibling doesn't need help, but does have a hard time with the fact that the other sibling is doing better)? Do you pretend it doesn't exist? Do you hide your accomplishments?

Yes to the bold. I go out of my way not to talk about certain things. Sibling still finds out, and usually gives a fake "omg why didn't you tell me?!" act but really they are so annoyed by it all it's clear why I didn't tell them.

It makes things strained at times. But the jealousy is also her problem, not mine. I am a good person, who works hard. But yeah, I don't need to brag about every little life goal achieved so that helps.

I'd stop looking to this sibling for positive feedback about certain things that happen.

[Anonymous]

My mother is like this with her siblings (and me, unfortunately). Always has to "one up" everyone around her, and will downplay/not acknowledge others accomplishments. I think her siblings just acknowledge that it's her issue, and share information in a normal fashion, but know she will have to make a point of listing her own accomplishments (or experiences, credentials, possessions, whatever).

[Anonymous]

My parents pit us against each other. It's a constant game of who is the better child. It's gotten pretty farcical in recent years because my brother is the favorite but he is a classic case of failure-to-launch post college. I have to hear constant assessments of how my brother is going to become more successful than me any day now. You know, when he gets into med school and becomes a famous doctor from his cozy spot on the couch. There are four siblings so my three sisters and I are constantly put in competition for the second most successful. I'm pretty darn happy with my life so I try not to engage, but it's hard to stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

My BIL is competitive with my DH. It's has probably been that way since DH was born and displaced BIL as the center of attention. His parents also talk about their kids' and grandkids' achievements all the time. They lmake comparisons all the time. DH says it is part of his culture (Jewish). My family is the opposite; you have to pry it out of us. I don't think DH and BIL will ever be close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents pit us against each other. It's a constant game of who is the better child. It's gotten pretty farcical in recent years because my brother is the favorite but he is a classic case of failure-to-launch post college. I have to hear constant assessments of how my brother is going to become more successful than me any day now. You know, when he gets into med school and becomes a famous doctor from his cozy spot on the couch. There are four siblings so my three sisters and I are constantly put in competition for the second most successful. I'm pretty darn happy with my life so I try not to engage, but it's hard to stay out of it.

You are awesome! I wish I knew you. Keep up the good attitude and have a laugh at you parents expense. Hehehe

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother is like this with her siblings (and me, unfortunately). Always has to "one up" everyone around her, and will downplay/not acknowledge others accomplishments. I think her siblings just acknowledge that it's her issue, and share information in a normal fashion, but know she will have to make a point of listing her own accomplishments (or experiences, credentials, possessions, whatever).

+1

OP here. THIS exactly! Sibling (I'll call them the "bad sibling") exaggerates their accomplishments. It's like a mental disorder. If I pay attention to it, it bothers me, so I try not to. Anything the successful sibling of ours does is *completely* dismissed (by the bad sibling). IRL, our extended family know (the other sibling) is amazing - both professionally and personally.

But it really bothers me, after all the (I'll call them "the good sibling") does - there is no reason for the bad sibling to try to make a game of it - but they do! The bad sibling (BS for short, haha) really takes the good siblings' accomplishments personally. BS can't even stand to be in the same room as GS - you can actually see it and feel it, when they are both present (the GS doesn't seem to care, but it hurts me to see it, somehow). It is like the bad sibling wants to be the good sibling - tries to switch places, or something - like a bad soap opera! It's crazy, the extremes the bad sibling goes to, to try to look "perfect".

Meanwhile, I'm thinking that the "good sibling" should step it up - and self promote much (much) more, because there is damn good reason to!

Do people see through this insane behavior of the bad sibling (who goes to extremes for appearance sake)? It's ALL about them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BIL is competitive with my DH. It's has probably been that way since DH was born and displaced BIL as the center of attention. His parents also talk about their kids' and grandkids' achievements all the time. They lmake comparisons all the time. DH says it is part of his culture (Jewish). My family is the opposite; you have to pry it out of us. I don't think DH and BIL will ever be close.

SIL is competitive with DH. DH is oblivious. It kills her.