Hearing impaired spouse taking a toll on our marriage...

[Anonymous]

Anyone else have this? What are some issues that impact your day to day life? For me, it's the noises he makes but can't hear (clanking his silverware on plate, slurping noises, chewing gum noises, loud mouth breathing, stomping through the house, TV so loud I wear noise cancelling headphones...). I want to have empathy, but, wow, it's hard in the moment. I hardly talk anymore because repeating myself is just too much. Would love to hear your coping strategies. By the way, he has researched hearing aid, but until he finds the right ones, there won't be any.

[Anonymous]

It's tough, OP, that's all I can say.

[Anonymous]

At least he has researched hearing aids. My dh fails the hearing test every year when he gets his physical. He does not think he has a hearing problem. The kids and I talk to fast, too softly, do not enunciate, do not open our mouths enough, mumble, etc. He sees us as the problem. He cannot hear certain tones like the kitchen timer if he is one room away, but everyone else can hear it from every room in the house. We are frustrated. I agree, it is tough. I wouldn't say we are coping. We are communicating less.

[Anonymous]

Point out the fact he can turn them off at will. One of the great things about hearing aids!

[Anonymous]

OP does he work? if so his issue will affect his job, and maybe THAT will motivate him to get hearing aids.

[Anonymous]

My FIL got hearing aids and it made a huge difference. Maybe you could encourage him to just get one set and then if they aren't good, he can upgrade later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least he has researched hearing aids. My dh fails the hearing test every year when he gets his physical. He does not think he has a hearing problem. The kids and I talk to fast, too softly, do not enunciate, do not open our mouths enough, mumble, etc. He sees us as the problem. He cannot hear certain tones like the kitchen timer if he is one room away, but everyone else can hear it from every room in the house. We are frustrated. I agree, it is tough. I wouldn't say we are coping. We are communicating less.

OP here. Thanks for sharing. I totally get it. The lack of communication and eventual isolation is what I'm most concern about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP does he work? if so his issue will affect his job, and maybe THAT will motivate him to get hearing aids.
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Nope, he's retired.

[Anonymous]

He needs to man up and get a hearing aid. My dad just got some (he hadn't realized how bad it had gotten) and he's in love. It's a whole world of sounds he'd missed out on: footsteps, birds chirping, sound of running water... He got great ones at Costco that are blue tooth enabled and hook up to his iphone.

[Anonymous]

He definitely needs hearing aids. They can make them so small and discreet these days no one need know.

I think your sanity and marriage may well depend on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs to man up and get a hearing aid. My dad just got some (he hadn't realized how bad it had gotten) and he's in love. It's a whole world of sounds he'd missed out on: footsteps, birds chirping, sound of running water... He got great ones at Costco that are blue tooth enabled and hook up to his iphone.

Hmmmm. I like this. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

One of my parents waited way too long to get hearing aids. I have a very mild hearing loss, and tinnitus that has made me hypersensitive to noise. my audiologist recommended hearing aids, and I have gotten them. make a positive difference. not huge, but good to have, and I do not want to repeat the mistake of my parent and wait. Audiologist said "you'll need aids eventually, should get used to them now".

There was a 30 day fully refundable trial period. Audiologist said that she has helped many clients recover from "Costco disasters" with some specific horrid stories. The difference is that Costco hearing aid techs "take a weekend course" and she has an advanced degree with years of study.

Mine were about $3,000. At Costco might be half or a third that price.

[Anonymous]

Time together, time apart. It sounds like you may have too much time together. Many things will start to bother you. If you are going to be together this much, you yourself may need to be less available. And ironically, I highly suggest you wear earplugs. It's very calming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my parents waited way too long to get hearing aids. I have a very mild hearing loss, and tinnitus that has made me hypersensitive to noise. my audiologist recommended hearing aids, and I have gotten them. make a positive difference. not huge, but good to have, and I do not want to repeat the mistake of my parent and wait. Audiologist said "you'll need aids eventually, should get used to them now".

There was a 30 day fully refundable trial period. Audiologist said that she has helped many clients recover from "Costco disasters" with some specific horrid stories. The difference is that Costco hearing aid techs "take a weekend course" and she has an advanced degree with years of study.

Mine were about $3,000. At Costco might be half or a third that price.

I don't know about this. DH has had them for a long time due to congenital hearing loss. He typically spent a lot of money on them, and the last time went to Costco and got the in-ear version. he's very very happy with it and had a good experience with the audiologist. In this case, the person was a real audiologist, not just a Costco tech.

Hearing aids are notorious for their markup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time together, time apart. It sounds like you may have too much time together. Many things will start to bother you. If you are going to be together this much, you yourself may need to be less available. And ironically, I highly suggest you wear earplugs. It's very calming.

You sound like you have never dealt with someone with hearing loss. When every conversation results in frustration and increasing anger on his part because he can't hear you (because "you're mumbling"), it doesn't matter how much time you spend together, unless the amount is zero.