DH binge drinker/alcoholic? Endangers our children. Now he wants divorce.

[Anonymous]

I have long thought of leaving him, but have been told by several lawyers that even though he has a history of drinking and driving both with and w/o the kids in the car, among other things, he will get overnight with the kids. At least living in the same house, I can keep tabs and intervene when I can. If we split, best case scenario is ignition interlock on his car and temporary urine testing and commitment to not drink when kids are with him. After some time 'dry' he will have unsupervised/monitored custody. I have known him for 20 years. He is not physically dependent in the classic sense. He can stay 'dry' long enough to get past any court supervision and then it will be up to me (and the kids?) to monitor if he drinks around them and keep them safe. Also, one of our children is autistic and needs 24/7 supervision. I want to try one more time to get him help. Maybe an intervention? Please recommend your best therapists, counselors, interventionists, rehab clinics, etc. It's my last shot to try to keep my kids safe from his drinking.

[Anonymous]

priest?

[Anonymous]

who else in the family knows his situation.

[Anonymous]

Isn't there some kind. Of medical rapid detox? Would that help?

[Anonymous]

He has a history of drinking and driving with the kids in the car and he'd still get overnight custody? That's insane! I'm so sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps encourage him to drink and then send him on an errand by car, at night, maybe on Friday?

Sorry, I know that's not right - he could kill someone else beside himself.

[Anonymous]

NP: I would totally use iPhone GPS (if you have it) to see when he was leaving a bar, then call 911 and report his car to be swerving. It sounds like he probably drives drunk-- you'd just be helping him to experience the consequences of his actions. And it would create a paper trail of his drinking problem.

P.S. If he is an alcoholic, he will eventually not be able to abstain when he wants to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't there some kind. Of medical rapid detox? Would that help?

I don't think he is physically dependent, so he doesn't need to detox.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:who else in the family knows his situation.

All of the family knows he has a history of drinking and driving. Most know he still does on occasion. His parents know he has driven with the kids, although they don't know how much b/c if they don't want to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP: I would totally use iPhone GPS (if you have it) to see when he was leaving a bar, then call 911 and report his car to be swerving. It sounds like he probably drives drunk-- you'd just be helping him to experience the consequences of his actions. And it would create a paper trail of his drinking problem.

P.S. If he is an alcoholic, he will eventually not be able to abstain when he wants to.

Oh, he definitely drives drunk. I haven't use iPhone GPS, but I have done this and called the cops many, many times over the course of at least 10 years, location, plate number, etc. Nothing has come of it. I pray that it would for exactly the reasons you mention, but also because it is dangerous as hell, of him of course, but also for everyone else on the road. It's been my experience that MoCo cops do not put a lot of resources toward DUI enforcement. I called when he was at a known location, about to leave and completely impaired. I told the cops and asked if they could follow him. They said no; all they could do is go talk to him and 'check on his welfare'.

[Anonymous]

You'll need to prove it. You telling the judge he drinks and drives isn't enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You'll need to prove it. You telling the judge he drinks and drives isn't enough.

How is she supposed to do that when the cops don't even want to get off their lazy ass?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP: I would totally use iPhone GPS (if you have it) to see when he was leaving a bar, then call 911 and report his car to be swerving. It sounds like he probably drives drunk-- you'd just be helping him to experience the consequences of his actions. And it would create a paper trail of his drinking problem.

P.S. If he is an alcoholic, he will eventually not be able to abstain when he wants to.

Also, I agree with about the alcoholic part...he may be on that road. Maybe I don't know enough about addiction or maybe he is drinking more often than I think and hiding it exceptionally well, although I think I am pretty good at hearing small changes in his speech and mannerisms when he has been drinking. I snoop and look for hidden alcohol and empties, too. He doesn't seem to be trying very hard to hide b/c I do find stuff. It seems to line up with what I am seeing, as far as I can tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP: I would totally use iPhone GPS (if you have it) to see when he was leaving a bar, then call 911 and report his car to be swerving. It sounds like he probably drives drunk-- you'd just be helping him to experience the consequences of his actions. And it would create a paper trail of his drinking problem.

P.S. If he is an alcoholic, he will eventually not be able to abstain when he wants to.

Oh, he definitely drives drunk. I haven't use iPhone GPS, but I have done this and called the cops many, many times over the course of at least 10 years, location, plate number, etc. Nothing has come of it. I pray that it would for exactly the reasons you mention, but also because it is dangerous as hell, of him of course, but also for everyone else on the road. It's been my experience that MoCo cops do not put a lot of resources toward DUI enforcement. I called when he was at a known location, about to leave and completely impaired. I told the cops and asked if they could follow him. They said no; all they could do is go talk to him and 'check on his welfare'.

New poster here: SVO: supervised visitation only!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You'll need to prove it. You telling the judge he drinks and drives isn't enough.

Agree. And I would love to be able to prove it. But it's not predictable. It's not like he has drinking 'routine' so that I know he will be at X bar on X night or anything. It's not even everyday. I would love to hire a PI but I can't afford to have him followed all day every day until he drinks and drives. It's not something I see everyday. Besides, a PI won't necessarily be able to get him arrested.