Number of school grades between your kids - pros and cons?

[Anonymous]

How many grades are between your kids in school (for example: K and 3rd, Pre-K, 1st and 5th)
Do you sometimes wish they were closer together or further apart in grades? Did it have any pros and cons, that you didn't anticipate?

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

The younger ones always like being in the school with the older, unless the older pissed off teachers. Easier for parents to deal with logistics of kids being at same school.

[Anonymous]

I have 5th 4th, 2nd and K. I love it. They are very close and are pretty much in similar "stages" at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Two grades apart - now PreK, 1st, and 3rd.

It's nice because for now they're all in the same building and I get to know the teachers in each grade.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if there's an ideal but I have definitely formed a preference.

I have 8th, 6th and 2nd. The spacing works for us although the 8th and 2nd grader are clearly interested in very different things. My middle moves seamlessly between them but that is probably just his personality.

I knew I wanted my kids at least 2 grades apart. My sister and I were just one grade apart and I hated it because there was competition and I always felt inferior. Not as old, not as fast, not as smart, not as coordinated...and then there was the competition for friends (bad in the early years and again in HS). My mom thought we'd be best friends being close in age. I think it actually backfired.

In our circle, I've seen it work for some and not for others. It's especially rough on those with parents that decide it's a good idea to put their kids into activities/on teams together. We have 3 pairs of siblings on one of my son's teams. Makes it easy for the parents but so hard for the kids. In once case, the younger sib can't keep up and is miserable. In another, the younger sib outplays the older and the older gets upset. I also know two families where the younger child is ahead of the older in school and the older's self-esteem has taken a hit.

Of course, you can avoid the extracurricular competition by steering your kids to different activities and not signing them up together. Not much you can do about the academic piece though.

[Anonymous]

2nd and 6th. They go to private PK12, so they're at the same school, which is nice, but if they finish college in 4 years, they won't be in at the same time, which is a relief.

[Anonymous]

1 grade between. I love it.

I have a 2nd grade boy and a 4th grade boy. We are going on 3rd year of same drop-off/pick-up. It's cute to hear them talk about shared friends, many of their friends ha e siblings in each other's grades.

My siblings (3 of us) all had 1 grade between us. I loved going through school with a sibling. I was youngest and my older brother was very popular so it made my life very easy. Also--you felt like somebody always had your back.

[Anonymous]

Four grades between each kid. Pros - the obvious of not having two in college at the same time. Also, as the older ones get older, you have time to really focus on helping them get ready for adulthood - job hunting, school visits, etc., because you only have one to focus on at a time. Cons - parenting for a very long time, youngest is quite precocious due to constant exposure to high school kids by first grade, slow down in activity at around age 5-7 for youngest (too big for a backpack or stroller and not physically capable of keeping up with the rest of us. But, overall, the spacing works for us.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 3.5 years apart but because of DD's November birthday, 4 grades apart.

I LOVE the age difference in years (although it wasn't our original plan), but it makes me sad to think they'll only overlap in the same school for 2 year (4th and K, 5th and 1st). I liked having shared experiences with my sister, that we can look back and laugh at today (2 years apart but 1 grade).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine are 3.5 years apart but because of DD's November birthday, 4 grades apart.

I LOVE the age difference in years (although it wasn't our original plan), but it makes me sad to think they'll only overlap in the same school for 2 year (4th and K, 5th and 1st). I liked having shared experiences with my sister, that we can look back and laugh at today (2 years apart but 1 grade).

I am this PP but just read 10:42, who's sister was 1 grade apart. I agree that there were some bad years for my sister and me, too, in terms of competing against each other and for friends. But we got over it by the time we were in 9th and 10th grade and became very good friends. I am the older one and was better at sports and a very good student. My sister was good at sports and SUPER smart. By my last two years of high school, we shared the same circle of friends, a mix of her grade and mine, that also had several sibling pairs. I wouldn't expect every sibling pair to be this close, as it would depend on personalities and interests. But, it worked for us. Middle school was rough, though. A lot more insecurity then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if there's an ideal but I have definitely formed a preference.

I have 8th, 6th and 2nd. The spacing works for us although the 8th and 2nd grader are clearly interested in very different things. My middle moves seamlessly between them but that is probably just his personality.

I knew I wanted my kids at least 2 grades apart. My sister and I were just one grade apart and I hated it because there was competition and I always felt inferior. Not as old, not as fast, not as smart, not as coordinated...and then there was the competition for friends (bad in the early years and again in HS). My mom thought we'd be best friends being close in age. I think it actually backfired.

In our circle, I've seen it work for some and not for others. It's especially rough on those with parents that decide it's a good idea to put their kids into activities/on teams together. We have 3 pairs of siblings on one of my son's teams. Makes it easy for the parents but so hard for the kids. In once case, the younger sib can't keep up and is miserable. In another, the younger sib outplays the older and the older gets upset. I also know two families where the younger child is ahead of the older in school and the older's self-esteem has taken a hit.

Of course, you can avoid the extracurricular competition by steering your kids to different activities and not signing them up together. Not much you can do about the academic piece though.

I have two sons who will be three years apart in school even though they are 2 1/2 years apart in age – April and November birthdays. They are young now but I was a bit bummed at first thinking about how theyd have fewer friends in common, fewer siblings in the same years etc. than if they were two years apart. The sports thing gave me something to think about though. The smaller one is already tracking bigger than the older, so I can see now this could be a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if there's an ideal but I have definitely formed a preference.

I have 8th, 6th and 2nd. The spacing works for us although the 8th and 2nd grader are clearly interested in very different things. My middle moves seamlessly between them but that is probably just his personality.

I knew I wanted my kids at least 2 grades apart. My sister and I were just one grade apart and I hated it because there was competition and I always felt inferior. Not as old, not as fast, not as smart, not as coordinated...and then there was the competition for friends (bad in the early years and again in HS). My mom thought we'd be best friends being close in age. I think it actually backfired.

In our circle, I've seen it work for some and not for others. It's especially rough on those with parents that decide it's a good idea to put their kids into activities/on teams together. We have 3 pairs of siblings on one of my son's teams. Makes it easy for the parents but so hard for the kids. In once case, the younger sib can't keep up and is miserable. In another, the younger sib outplays the older and the older gets upset. I also know two families where the younger child is ahead of the older in school and the older's self-esteem has taken a hit.

Of course, you can avoid the extracurricular competition by steering your kids to different activities and not signing them up together. Not much you can do about the academic piece though.

I have two sons who will be three years apart in school even though they are 2 1/2 years apart in age – April and November birthdays. They are young now but I was a bit bummed at first thinking about how theyd have fewer friends in common, fewer siblings in the same years etc. than if they were two years apart. The sports thing gave me something to think about though. The smaller one is already tracking bigger than the older, so I can see now this could be a good thing.

That should say it is looking like the younger one will be bigger than the older one.

[Anonymous]

3 grades (2.5 yrs apart and same gender) and I think it's perfect. Just enough time that there is no real competition or "when I was in that grade we . . . " They have different groups of friends and both completely understand when there are activities and teams open to only one and not the other. We have never combined events for them or included sibling in events for the other.

[Anonymous]

We didn't choose the spacing, but my kids are 5 years apart in age, but 6 years apart in school because of birthdays on each side of the cut off. We are in public school, so it was really never an option for my kids to be in the same school at the same time.

In some ways it was a pain, but in other ways it made things a lot simpler. My oldest is now in HS and my younger child is in third grade. I don't know how we would have juggled competing schedules and activities for kids who were at the same stage at the same time. This way their schedules are staggered since their schools start and end at different times.

I guess you just make whatever you end up with work. Like I said, we didn't plan things this way, and even though it may appear inconvenient at first glance, there are also advantages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Four grades between each kid. Pros - the obvious of not having two in college at the same time. Also, as the older ones get older, you have time to really focus on helping them get ready for adulthood - job hunting, school visits, etc., because you only have one to focus on at a time. Cons - parenting for a very long time, youngest is quite precocious due to constant exposure to high school kids by first grade, slow down in activity at around age 5-7 for youngest (too big for a backpack or stroller and not physically capable of keeping up with the rest of us. But, overall, the spacing works for us.

So many interesting points from all the posters. ....didn't think of the bolded either, but I can imagine!
I'm an only, so this is really eye-opening for me! Thanks!!