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Possible to be a laid-back mom in this area?
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Anonymous
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I've lived in Northern Virginia for about 2 years and just had my first baby. DH and I both grew up out West, but I never really noticed a cultural difference before. Now that I'm meeting more moms in the area, I'm really starting to wonder if we fit in here.
I don't really care about having a huge house, and we couldn't afford anything more than our townhouse right now anyway. We don't go on expensive trips or own fancy clothes or cars. No bugaboo or anything super fancy for our kid. We haven't signed our 6 month old up for preschool yet and haven't even researched the elementary schools or high schools in our area. Most of the moms I have met are super on the ball and type-A types. Competitive and really status-aware. I guess I am aware of status cause I am aware that I don't have it!  We are more laid-back, take it as it comes people. We are having fun with our little family and aren't really competitive by nature. But I definitely feel like an odd duck around here compared with the people we have met.
Are there any others out there like us? And if not, is it possible for our family to remain laid-back in a culture that is anything but? I am wondering if we will try to swim against the stream by staying in Northern Virginia... |
Anonymous
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I can relate - it is so easy to get caught up. I live in Silver Spring - I grew up a couple of hours away from here - and am pretty type A about a lot of stuff- and can sure annoy my more laid back husband.
But compared to what a lot of folks are concerned about around here in terms of parenting, I feel really laid back. And the job opportunities are great, but I dream of moving someplace simpler because it does get to me. The things that are most important to me are that we read to our child a ton, encourage a lot of playing and physical activity - so limit but not forbid TV etc - and encourage healthy eating. Oh - and that are child not be involved in too many "enriching" activities - and have plenty of time to play and read like I did. We will still have some TV, we will have a little junk food in the house, and we likely won't be doing the private school thing. Our elementary school is wonderful but high school not great - I hope we have moved in the next 14 years anyway! We can't afford private but even if we could, I'm not sure I could stomach the process. I went to a very well known private school, and it was wonderful, so I know their value, but around here everything is so competitive. I also put a lot of trust into my pediatrician (a lot of moms around here don't) but still do as much research and looking into things as I can. We try to eat organic as much as possible but for the most part shop at Giant and aren't involved in an underground raw milk ring like some folks! Luckily, my parents and my husband's parents were both extremely laid back parents - and they are great role models, for marriage and parenting. So hopefully we can stay true to that. This is a big area and I'm sure you can find other folks like you! I have a few great mom friends at work, but otherwise, don't do the play date thing or anything, so have so far avoided entrenching myself in that world. |
Anonymous
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I don't know exactly what you and others who have posted on DCUM mean by competitive. The things I do for/with my kids are because they either ask for it (like after school activities), or because I think they need socializing. So I'm driven by trying to help my kids to grow up to be happy kids.
This area is huge. Like the PP said, I'm sure you can find some moms out there that are like-minded. |
Anonymous
| Yes, I'm also from the West (SF Bay Area) and I find it really strange. The other moms I met out here are wonderful, but it's not the community I'm used to. I found that Arlington is a pretty neat town with laid back families. We live in DC, and I find that certain neighborhoods in DC are pretty neat as well (U St., Bloomingdale, Adams Morgan H St. etc.) |
Anonymous
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PP here.
Also, watch out. Posting something like this will have DCUM addicted moms jumping all over you, it's pretty annoying. |
Anonymous
| Yeah, people are even competitive about being laid-back. |
Anonymous
| I'm from the North Side of Chicago and I hate to say it but the moms out there are just as bad as DC moms if not worse. |
Anonymous
| Did you read the book the Overachievers? That was based in this area, 'nuf said. |
Anonymous
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To answer your Q, yes there are laid back parents in his region. The, um, problem arises because there seems to be not a critical mass of these parents in any one tight geographical area (in my experience.)
You could go a year without meeting a like-minded mom! Or -- and this is my experience -- you meet a kindered soul at a birthday party, you click, and then you learn that she lives 28 minutes away without traffic (and 40 mins. with traffic), and so you don't hang out so much. I spent half my life in the midwest and then somehow settled here in a zip code with the Type A +/- as the dominant model. I cannot tell you how many times I've been asked why my kids aren't wearing shoes in July. |
Anonymous
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Move to an area where people don't have so much money.
We live in Prince George's County and it is nothing like life in Northern Arlington. |
Anonymous
| I think it's possible, but hard to find others who are like you. I am from the midwest and even after living her for 5 years, still don't get why people take themselves so seriously here in DC. I grew up in a family that limited after school activities (one music, one sport, one other) so that we weren't over committed and had balance in our lives. Our priorities for our one year old are healthy food, music and laughter, plenty of play, and books. I like the way we are raising our child, but sometimes feel sad that there isn't another mom that I've been able to connect with who feels the same way about parenting and life in general. |
Anonymous
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We should start a playgroup for "beta moms." I'd be there. I mean, I'd be late, but I'd be there.
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Anonymous
Love this, especially the late part. If more moms like you got together you could just live your lives and forget about what others are doing. Who the heck cares about the soccer mom down the street who drives a 27 foot SUV with shaving creme all over it touting the neighborhood swim team, who goes to every PTA meeting even the ones at schools her children don't attend, who's kids play soccer Thursday afternoons, go to music class Wednesday mornings, ballet class Friday afternoons, and she works full time as a partner in a prestigious law firm as well? If that works for her so be it. For once I'd like to see a bumper sticker that says "My child is an average student at a public school who eats potato chips sometimes and is HAPPY". |
Anonymous
I made the remark about the playdate. See, here's the thing - for the most part I don't take an active interest in the alpha moms. Because I know, even innocent chitchat at the playground becomes an unsolicited parenting lesson. "So. Do you have Joseph enrolled in any summer classes?" "Eh. Joe's so young yet, and there's a lot we can do outside. We might do something in the winter, or wait until he's a little older... we'll see." "Well. Think about it. Little Anastasia just loves her Mandarin classes. You know, it's so important at this age to stimulate their little minds. They thirst for new knowledge and new experiences." "Sigh. Yes. I'm aware." I exaggerate (a little, just a little), but you get the idea. They exhaust me. |
Anonymous
| What is it like living in the midwest? Is it really more laid back? Can you give me an example? I'm not trying to be snarky, I'm curious because I've lived here most of my life. |