Brother is more successful than husband

[Anonymous]

I know the title sounds awful, but my brother and husband are in similar career fields, although my brother is a lot more successful. My husband currently holds a higher position, but is in a dead-end job, while my brother is being groomed for leadership. Fine - although my brother and his family and our parents are constantly rubbing it in DH's face. My SIL puts on airs about it, and my parents are constantly bragging about how wonderful their son is and how it's just too bad that my husband can't be successful and he must have done something to end up where he did. It makes me angry and I'm sure it hurts his feelings, not to mention that no woman wants to hear how her husband is a poor provider. Maybe this is more of a vent than anything else, because I know my brother has just been lucky and ambitious and yes, I'm jealous of both those things. I don't suppose there's any way of convincing these people that my husband isn't a failure and my brother isn't as amazing as he seems?

[Anonymous]

Do you have a job, op?

[Anonymous]

How about you stick up for your husband and tell your family in no uncertain terms that the comparisons must stop or they won't be seeing you and your family? If they are as blatant as you suggest, this is not difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a job, op?

Yes, I work full time. I don't know why that's relevant, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about you stick up for your husband and tell your family in no uncertain terms that the comparisons must stop or they won't be seeing you and your family? If they are as blatant as you suggest, this is not difficult.

I've tried. They just laughed and told me not to take things so personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a job, op?

Yes, I work full time. I don't know why that's relevant, though.

It's not but there is always someone out there trying to pick a fight with sahms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you stick up for your husband and tell your family in no uncertain terms that the comparisons must stop or they won't be seeing you and your family? If they are as blatant as you suggest, this is not difficult.

I've tried. They just laughed and told me not to take things so personally.

Your parents, brother and SIL are jerks. Sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you stick up for your husband and tell your family in no uncertain terms that the comparisons must stop or they won't be seeing you and your family? If they are as blatant as you suggest, this is not difficult.

I've tried. They just laughed and told me not to take things so personally.

Follow through

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you stick up for your husband and tell your family in no uncertain terms that the comparisons must stop or they won't be seeing you and your family? If they are as blatant as you suggest, this is not difficult.

I've tried. They just laughed and told me not to take things so personally.

I'd draw a hard line on this one. It's just plain rude, regardless of family dynamics. I wouldn't take a stranger speaking about my DH that way, and I wouldn't take it from family either. Be the bigger bitch, op. Hang up the phone. If its in person, leave the room, or the event if necessary. It's not okay, and you should be showing them by your actions that it's not okay.

[Anonymous]

If you don't do something, it will never end. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you stick up for your husband and tell your family in no uncertain terms that the comparisons must stop or they won't be seeing you and your family? If they are as blatant as you suggest, this is not difficult.

I've tried. They just laughed and told me not to take things so personally.

I'd draw a hard line on this one. It's just plain rude, regardless of family dynamics. I wouldn't take a stranger speaking about my DH that way, and I wouldn't take it from family either. Be the bigger bitch, op. Hang up the phone. If its in person, leave the room, or the event if necessary. It's not okay, and you should be showing them by your actions that it's not okay.

You know, over Christmas I walked away from one of these discussions. I ended up the bad guy because I left our three year old downstairs while I sulked upstairs about it. I really feel like I can't win here.

I know, I know, don't go back, but that's definitely a family dynamics thing that prevents excluding them for our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you stick up for your husband and tell your family in no uncertain terms that the comparisons must stop or they won't be seeing you and your family? If they are as blatant as you suggest, this is not difficult.

I've tried. They just laughed and told me not to take things so personally.

They're assholes. Your BROTHER needs to shut them down. Stop seeing them until this happens. The passive aggressive route would be for you to go on and on about how great your best friend's parents are, and how it's such a shame YOUR parents aren't better parents.

[Anonymous]

Take the high road but be persistent. "Please don't insult my husband."

If it weren't about the job it would be about something else, and these people need to be called out on their rudeness. In my family it's all about how some people are too fat or their houses aren't nice enough. It's self-righteous and rude and it's not how families should act toward one another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you stick up for your husband and tell your family in no uncertain terms that the comparisons must stop or they won't be seeing you and your family? If they are as blatant as you suggest, this is not difficult.

I've tried. They just laughed and told me not to take things so personally.

They're assholes. Your BROTHER needs to shut them down. Stop seeing them until this happens. The passive aggressive route would be for you to go on and on about how great your best friend's parents are, and how it's such a shame YOUR parents aren't better parents.

My brother is part of the problem, always bragging about his accomplishments and asking my DH questions that he knows the answer to. Example, "So, what do you think you'll do about this in 10 years?" when he knows full well my DH won't have the opportunity to do that in 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you stick up for your husband and tell your family in no uncertain terms that the comparisons must stop or they won't be seeing you and your family? If they are as blatant as you suggest, this is not difficult.

I've tried. They just laughed and told me not to take things so personally.

They're assholes. Your BROTHER needs to shut them down. Stop seeing them until this happens. The passive aggressive route would be for you to go on and on about how great your best friend's parents are, and how it's such a shame YOUR parents aren't better parents.

My brother is part of the problem, always bragging about his accomplishments and asking my DH questions that he knows the answer to. Example, "So, what do you think you'll do about this in 10 years?" when he knows full well my DH won't have the opportunity to do that in 10 years.

Then stop seeing them. Why would you purposely put yourselves around people who treat you this way? In my family nobody would stand for that. Come be in my family - we're nice and don't brag.