My family has changed...now what?

[Anonymous]

Do I just write my family off?

My mother thinks my marriage ended due to affair - FALSE. Not even close
My father is trying to reach out to me as much as possible behind my moms back but is publicly "siding with mother"
My brother is the "saint child" and cannot do anything wrong ever. His kids are the shit to my mother.
My kids amazing kids are mine, so she is basically not paying any attention to them.

I explained to her the situation with my marriage ending. She flat out said "I don't believe in divorce, and I don't believe that women should be friends with men outside of the marriage"

So here I am, divorced, living my life, taking care of my kids. Do I just say "fuck it" and move on or do I keep trying to "prove myself" to my mother???

*Sigh*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do I just write my family off?

My mother thinks my marriage ended due to affair - FALSE. Not even close
My father is trying to reach out to me as much as possible behind my moms back but is publicly "siding with mother"
My brother is the "saint child" and cannot do anything wrong ever. His kids are the shit to my mother.
My kids amazing kids are mine, so she is basically not paying any attention to them.

I explained to her the situation with my marriage ending. She flat out said "I don't believe in divorce, and I don't believe that women should be friends with men outside of the marriage"

So here I am, divorced, living my life, taking care of my kids. Do I just say "fuck it" and move on or do I keep trying to "prove myself" to my mother???

*Sigh*

Doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can (1) tell her you do not want to discuss your divorce with her and then enforce (including hanging up the phone if she brings it up); or (2) gold cold turkey for a while, but not necessarily forever (unless you want it to be).

[Anonymous]

You talk to your father and tell him the truth. You do not discuss the divorce with your mother. You take care of your kids and yourself.

[Anonymous]

Did you recently post an expanded version of this a few weeks ago? If it wasn't you, then there's another DCUM-er whose mother believes her divorce is due to an affair.

I'm sorry your mother is acting this way. Do you think it could be the beginnings of senility?

Live your life and limit contact with your mother, without "cutting them off". My DH persuaded me to not cut off contact after my mother did some egregious things, and I am glad I followed his advice. Not only do I get to see my beloved father from time to time, but I find there are situations where my mother is sane - on the rare times I invite her to visit, and over the phone. I will never visit her, since apparently it triggers episodes of crazy.

Be patient and bide your time. Having had some experience with rumors and lies (sadly), I have found that holding my head up high, and not defending myself, is key. Don't explain. You can drop a comment to your father in the middle of your conversation such as "Mum seems to believe this fabrication that I had an affair, so she's acting all weird right now. But can you drop by on Sunday to pick up the stuff in the garage?" If you consistently treat it as ridiculous and go on about your life, then people will end up believing you. Actions speak louder than words.