Hit me with a wet noodle - parents live at the beach, we don't want to go.
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
A few years ago my parents retired to a beach town. A nice beach town that gets mentioned a lot on DCUM. Problem is, they think that means every single vacation or holiday we of course will want to spend it with them. They are great grandparents to the kids, but our relationship is stressful. Visiting them is NOT a vacation for DH and me.
DH and I are considering a beach vacation this year for the first time since they moved, and we don't want it to be with them. We've been there and would like to try a new destination, just us and our kids. Trust me, I have a backbone and say no to my parents regularly on a multitude of issues, but for some reason I'm dreading the argument and hurt feelings when we tell them that we're headed to the beach for a week but not "their' beach. Any BTDT advice on how to smooth ruffled feathers? |
Anonymous
| OP, we have a beach house and we insist on spending what little time off we have there. MIL rents in a place that we do not like, frankly. It is no where near where we go to the beach. DH goes by himself, and sometimes DC go with him, sometimes they come with me. It is thankfully only one week, so I don't know if this helps you, but maybe one or some of you could go for a week? |
Anonymous
| "This year we're going to Lewes (or wherever) for a change of pace. Thank you for the invitation, though!" |
Anonymous
|
Do you HAVE to tell them you're going on vacation? Or to a beach? I mean, the last time I went on vacation I told my parents "I'm going to LA; I have some friends there I'd like to visit." They had no idea where I stayed.
Why do they need to know? |
Anonymous
Agreed. Plus, send your kids to them (solo) for a week or two. Now that's a nice vacation for you. 
|
Anonymous
The bold! Each of you drive 1/2 way, meet at a McDonalds, get the kids lunch, put their stuff in your parent's car and drive home for a child free week!!! |
Anonymous
|
- send the kids without you, if possible. that's hopefully a win/win
- at the same time you tell them you'll be taking a family vacation ask to schedule time to visit them. "As we are planning our family getaway we also want to plan for time to come see you. Would any of these weekends work __ __ __?" - If they give you grief: Yes, the kids LOVE the beach so we thought we could build on that as we plan our own getaway. We are all so lucky to be able to come here so often, but we also want some of the fun of showing them completely new places. We could spend a lifetime visiting the fabulous beaches of the world, starting w/ yours and now broadening that. Etc... Kill them with kindness but keep moving forward with your own plans. |
Anonymous
| I can't stand it when parents get their dream vacation home and then expect everyone wants to vacation with them nonstop. In our case it's a mountain cabin... It was their dream from when they were our age, but it's not our ideal at all. DH and I dislike lazy vacations and prefer to be active and do museums/historic houses/castles instead. |
Anonymous
|
Have you already picked your own destination? This would be easier on you if your beach happens to be in some totally different place--say, another state--from where they stay. Just tell them that your chosen destination offers some activities that are of special interest to the kids right now (whatever that might be--aquarium, museums in nearby town, whatever, as long as it's true!).
You can also try selling the idea of "We're so glad you love the life in Beach Town and we want to be sure we never outstay our welcome. It's your home and we don't want you to think you have to entertain us. We're sure you're getting to know people and finding your own niche there!!" or whatever variation of that would work best on them. Because it is true, after all -- if they bought their home in Beach Town primarily because they expected everyone to visit on all holidays and vacations, they didn't think ahead to the fact they need to make their own life there as full-time residents of that area. I'd be sending them web sites and brochures for all the retiree stuff going on, the community events aimed at locals, churches if they're into church, volunteering if that's their thing, winter events (many beaches do have 'em), etc. It's a not so subtle hint that they shouldn't be sitting there waiting to host everyone. If they get a life there for themselves they might be less likely to expect you to vacation with them all the time. I also like the above idea, if you are within a certain distance of them on your own vacation, of maybe going on your own for a day or two ("Let's have a kid-free, parents and adult daughter time" which I would have treasured with my own folks!) or your taking the kids for a day or two. Not a whole week of your vacation, though. |
Anonymous
|
[quote=Anonymous]A few years ago my parents retired to a beach town. A nice beach town that gets mentioned a lot on DCUM. Problem is, they think that means every single vacation or holiday we of course will want to spend it with them. They are great grandparents to the kids, but our relationship is stressful. Visiting them is NOT a vacation for DH and me.
DH and I are considering a beach vacation this year for the first time since they moved, and we don't want it to be with them. We've been there and would like to try a new destination, just us and our kids. Trust me, I have a backbone and say no to my parents regularly on a multitude of issues, but for some reason I'm dreading the argument and hurt feelings when we tell them that we're headed to the beach for a week but not "their' beach. Any BTDT advice on how to smooth ruffled feathers?[/quote] OMG exact same situation and I dread holidays,and summers too. We cave a go to their place once a,year for four days in the summer. And that's IT. we use the busy with work excuse can't take time off for trips too exhausted etc. But it's OK for you to take other trips elsewhere - don't feel bad for living your life. |
Anonymous
OP, can you trust your parents to watch them every single second while in the water? For me, this is why I would never ever do this. I can't trust parents on either side to be vigilant. |
Anonymous
| Their feelings are going to be hurt if you don't beach it with them. |
Anonymous
| Op..Lewes is where they are right? I think one of the reasons, besides tax relief, they moved there was the idea that you would think of it as a frequent get a away. |
Anonymous
| If you have a difficult relationship with them, they know it. As a pp said, just tell them you are going to vacation somewhere else this year. If you are going to the Outer Banks, just say you are going to NC. In this day and age with cell phones, it isn't like our parents need to know which hotel we're at to get in touch with us in an emergency. My dh has a difficult relationship with his mom. We could only see her in small doses when we lived in the same suburb. Now we live out of state but when we visit she doesn't understand why we don't stay with her (we stay in a hotel) or spend whole days with her. You have to do what you need to do to stay sane. I am assuming that you don't want to send your kids without you - people probably glossed over the "difficult relationship" and sometimes that can carry over to criticizing the grandchildren, etc. |
Anonymous
|
Can go on vacation to a non-beach destination and tell them you want to do something different than a beach.
There are so many great options that don't involve a beach. |