Play dates in small home

[Anonymous]

We recently relocated to the DC area and I am trying hard to make friends as a lonely sahm. We chose to buy in an area with excellent schools, and essentially bought the worst house in the worse neighborhood in our school district. We are not poor, this was a million dollar house, but I am finding myself reluctant to reciprocate play dates because I am just embarrassed by where we live. I am coming from a house that was more double the size and brand new, so it has been hard mentally. I know I need to get over this, but I am still embarrassed nonetheless. We do not even have a dedicated playroom or rec room and I feel strange about inviting kids over to play in our living room. Would you look down on someone who invited you over and didn't even have a playroom?

[Anonymous]

Um, what? No.

[Anonymous]

Get over yourself. We live in the smallest and oldest house in our very nice neighborhood with good public schools. Our house is 1200 sq ft. I invite people all the time. Our neighbors are lovely.

[Anonymous]

I live in a little house (1200 sq ft) in a working class neighborhood and send my kid to private school. We have play dates here all the time. Kids play in my son's room or outside or board games in the dinning room. Don't let this be a barrier, OP. You own your own home, you send your kid to a great school, you have everything you need. Being ashamed is such a waste, and it doesn't send the right message to your kid.

[Anonymous]

We have 1000 sq ft on two floors. We have playdates that span the living room, dining table, kids' rooms, and outside. No one has ever said "omg, no way my kid is playing here." Not even from the wealthy 4,000 sq footers.

[Anonymous]

You could have choose a different house for that price. We have a smaller house that was way less and a fixer upper. We generally have playdates outside the house as we like to get out.

[Anonymous]

You're in a similar boat to so many people so stop worrying about it. We live in a small old house with no playroom too and have people all the time. We just have less stuff and emphasize the coziness.
I grew up in a 1 bedroom apt. We always played in the living room and no one cared.

[Anonymous]

I am guessing you moved from the midwest or deep in PA or something where money goes a lot farther when it comes to real estate. OP, I grew up in an upper-middle class part of Long Island, NY, in a 4 bedroom house that had a living room, den, study and partially finished basement. I played with my friends either outside, in the den or in my bedroom. Our games were kept either in the basement or our bedrooms.

I now live in a one bedroom apartment. My daughter has the bedroom. When she has friends over they play in her bedroom. Sometimes they bake in our very tiny kitchen. Sometimes they sit on my bed and play. Mostly though, they're outside. When she was younger, I went with them. Now that she's 12, they go on their own. I am not ashamed. I am doing the best I can for my child. In almost 13 years of life, exactly ONE kid has said something mean to DD about being poor (and that kid was in second grade and poor herself). DD is a kind girl and she attracts kind friends. If their parents are talking shit about me behind my back, I don't know about it. If anyone ever made fun of DD for being poor I think she'd drop them.

OP, nobody with any class would ever say anything negative about the size of your house. Honestly, I judge people's homes on how clean they are. Are the kitchen and bathroom sanitary? Is there someplace to sit? Then you're all good.

[Anonymous]

OP, I often feel the same way as you do. I'm not defending this kind of thinking - and I appreciate all the PPs' pep talks - but I can't help feeling awkward. The playroom thing gets less important as they get older. My tween's friends are happy as long as there are video games and some kind of sugar.

However, we have hosted only a few sleepovers because I'm ashamed of our small upstairs and yucky shared bath. It'll be redone this year, but I've found every time I fix one problem area, I become more conscious of the awfulness of other parts of the house.

[Anonymous]

We live in a tiny TH and my children go to private school. I invite their friends often. Only once a kid asked me about the size of my house, because he lives in a "castle" (his quote). I politely explained that we live in a perfectly normal house with parents who love their children, which is what really matters.

Don't be ashamed; don't let something so irrelevant to affect your happiness.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a great house in a great suburban neighborhood and no one had playrooms or basements. We played in each other's bedrooms or backyards.

[Anonymous]

It's fine, OP, no one is going to look down on you. If you're that worried, invite people to meetup at parks, museums, skating rinks, etc.

[Anonymous]

In a similar situation, OP, and I don't worry about it. Our play dates are in the living room/dining room/kitchen, or we try to host more when it's warm and we can go outside. I have wealthy friends with huge houses and pools, and less well off friends who rent small apartments (like we did until recently) and it doesn't matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, what? No.

+1

I have posted on other threads that we are a family of 4 in an 800 sq ft apt. DD doesn't even have her own room. She shares with her sister. I give the kids the run of the apt, but suggest activities for each room and insist on clean up before moving to a new space. It works. DD does not have a tv in her room so they might play with Shopkins there or do art. They can bake in the kitchen, watch tv in my bedroom, or play a board game in the living room.

Ideally though, we take these young guests outside. We live mere blocks from two parks and walkable distance to shopping, eateries, ice skating, and the movies.

[Anonymous]

I was just at a lovely play date this morning in a <1500 sq foot house (family of 4) and we sat cross-legged on the floor on the family room floor and drank coffee while watching the 3 year olds plays with their trucks and trains.
It was fun!
I have a large home and would feel really badly if I knew someone was uncomfortable with me coming over due to the size of their house, honestly.