Screaming about and rejecting every meal suddenly?! 11 yr old DD - help!
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Anonymous
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I've tried to have a low key, balanced approach to food with my kids. I offer a selection of their favorites and healthier choices and don't use it for bribes or force certain amounts. I've avoided getting in food battles until now. My 11 year old had started screaming and crying about every meal. I try not to engage and I figure it's not really about the food but is really about seeking control and feeling powerless but I can't take it. She screams "I'm hungry but I hate this food. There's nothing to eat!!! I'm hungry!" and stomps around, slams doors, etc. I tell her to just eat what she wants but she yells that there's nothing good to eat in the house. I've tried to just ignore it.
She used to be such a great, easy eater but now she only wants pizza, pasta and desserts. We try not to make anything forbidden or give desserts special power. We have always casually talked about how eating proteins and fruits/veggies helps you feel good and strong and they get desserts a lot. I've tried not to show how much these outbursts bother me and I've tried things like asking her to make a list of foods she wants, letting her pick things out at the grocery, cooking things herself, serving her own plate... She screams and cries and gets "hangry" and it's really messing up our family dynamics. How do we get out of this?! Please help! |
Anonymous
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That sounds like puberty. Her body is changing. Her moods are changing. Her appetite is changing, and it is freaking her out.
Could you take her put to eat somewhere where you know this won't happen, and then have a serious bit comforting conversation? Say I love you, I know you are having a hard time right now but we need to problem solve this, and agree rationally on a plan that includes a variety of different strategies (e.g. She chooses and cooks dinner twice a week, you keep certain foods in the house, she takes a p.m. Snack to school so she doesn't come home starving) as well as a reward or consequence tied to the behavior? |
Anonymous
| Sudden and extreme cravings for sugars and starches can also be a sign of certain medical problems (Type 1 diabetes) . Could be worth a blood test if you think it's not just bad behavior/hormones. |
Anonymous
| I agree that this is not normal behavior for an 11 yo. Definitely take her to the doctor. |
Anonymous
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I have a younger family member who complained of stomach aches and eating problems since she was 11/12. Her whole family thought she was making it up--turns out she's celiac and once she was in her 20s and took care of her own health--her diet was changed she is fine.
Don't ignore it. Take her to the doctor. Find out what is going on. Could be mental, could be physical. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Yes, it really could be hormone and/or growth spurt related. I remember feeing so randomly emotional at times at that age. Thanks for the idea of taking her out to a restaurant to make a plan. Maybe a doctor visit would be good. At her grandparents' house over break she kept oddly guzzling OJ and I know thirst can be a symptom.
With behavior stuff it's so hard to figure out the balance of just ignoring vs. having consequences for rudeness. |
Anonymous
| Yes, I can almost guarantee it is either the onset of her menses or diabetes. I have seen this often. Start with a doctor's visit and go from there. Check back in here with the behavioral experts like 14:49 if it turns out to not be medical@@ |
Anonymous
| Seems like when boys start eating a ton we all chuckle about growth spurts but when tween girls want to eat all the time we worry. |
Anonymous
Regardless, she needs not to be rude. Don't excuse her poor behavior. |
Anonymous
But it sounds she she actually doesn't want to eat anything. |
Anonymous
Zing! |
Anonymous
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Personally, she sounds like she's in the throes of puberty.
Make or buy whole wheat pizza crust. Get her help in slicing up veggies to go with the sauce and cheese. There are a million and one vegetarian pasta sauce books out there. I have several. This one is by Jack Bishop from America's Test Kitchen: http://www.amazon.com/Pasta-Verdura-Vegetable-Spaghetti-Rigatoni/dp/0060174021/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1451680533&sr=1-1&keywords=vegetarian+pasta+sauces She's old enough to learn to cook. Please don't fear starches. |
Anonymous
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That's a great idea to get creative with sauces. Yes, I can't vilify starches or she'll want them even more. How much input do your kids have for the menu?
If she's going through a juice phase should I let her drink it to her heart's content in hopes that she'll get tired of it? That seems risky. Bad habits are hard to break. |
Anonymous
Umm...because of science. Teen boys require up to 1,000 additional calories per day during their growing years. Girls need extra calories but not as much as teen boys. Active teen boys could eat an entire pizza per day and not really have it affect them. Some active teen girls could too, but not many. Boys and girls growth spurts are very diffeeent. |
Anonymous
| You eat what I give you or you go hungry. |