Terrified of Labor and Delivery

[Anonymous]

I guess I don't have much of a question but just feel the need to write this...I am 32 weeks with my first and all I can think about is how scared I am of labor and delivery! I don't consider myself a whimp but I've never been in a great deal of pain so don't really know what my tolerance for pain is. I plan on having an epidural and am not too worried about the pain with that. I don't know what it is. The unknown maybe?

I have watched some delivery videos (and sort of wish I hadn't) and have taken a class but it didn't really help. I don't worry that something will happen to me or even to the baby so I don't know what the heck my problem is! I don't think of myself as the "hysterical" or fragile type but perhaps I am wrong......!

Has anyone else felt like this? I am thinking about it pretty much all the time.....

[Anonymous]

Of course you're terrified of labor & delivery, it's normal to be fearful of the unknown (& pretty much every single labor & delivery is unknown). There's no telling what's gonna happen. You just have to arm yourself with all the knowledge you can. For example, take a tour of the hospital so that you can start visualizing where you'll be delivering & ask the nurses & L&D staff questions that you might have.

I was also quite frightened (both times that I've delivered). So I hired a doula. It's the best possible thing you can do for yourself to reduce the risk of c-section & unnecessary medical intervention. The doula stays with you through the entire labor & delivery (and for ~2 hours after the delivery). She can advocate for you if they want to do procedures that you don't want. And she can explain to you what is going on. She can also get you out of bed & moving into different positions (which helps move the labor along) even if the L&D staff want you in bed/ on your back. My doula was wonderful & it really helped to have her with me all through both labors & deliveries because I knew that she was there to advocate for me no matter what the Dr's / nurses wanted to do.
Please don't feel bad about being frightened about L&D - just use that feeling to get prepared for it.
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

34 weeks with #2 and also terrified. And I was on bed rest for the last couple weeks of #1 and watched a ton of Baby Story - very very bad idea!

I honestly believe there is nothing that can prepare you but that ultimately just know that women do this every day since the beginning of time and it may hurt or be embarassing or just a general out-of-body experience, but ultimately you will see your baby and think "that wasnt so bad"

Good luck to you and trust in your doctor and mostly your partner (by far the most important person in the room - a doula would have done nothing for me but having my DH there gave me all the strength I needed) to keep you sane and take care of you through out the process.

[Anonymous]

Your fear does sound slightly irrational but that doesn't make it any less real to you. Talk to your doctor about it. I bet you and your doctor can come up with a good plan, like an epidural from the moment you set foot into the hospital. My SIL was so terrified of the pain that she wasn't progressing; she get an epidural and my niece was born 1 hour later.

And as someone who's been through it once already, it really doesn't hurt THAT bad. Heck, I am doing it again.

[Anonymous]

As one of the PPs mentioned, women have been doing this since the beginning of time and for centuries they did not have epidurals and the type of medical help we get today. Think about all those millions and millions of women who have delivered in the past with no pain medication whatsoever. If they were able to do it, so can you, especially with the epidural and all the help you will get in an hospital.

[Anonymous]

What delivery videos and what class? Some of the approaches are bound to be scary.

[Anonymous]

As someone who has ALWAYS been terrified of L&D (since long before I was pregnant), I second the recommendation of hiring a doula, who can walk you through what to expect and try to alleviate some of your fears. If you have a good relationship with your doctor he/she may be able to do this, too, but doulas are good hand-holders, and you know they'll be there throughout the entire birth, whereas the doc will show up at the end to catch the baby. Just knowing there will be someone by my side every minute, telling me that what I'm going through is normal (or that I need to call the nurse b/c it's not normal) makes me so much less afraid. My husband is wonderful and supportive, but he's more scared than I am, and won't be able to calm my fears in the middle of labor.

I know lots of women with epidurals who have watched TV all through labor without feeling a thing and then were suddenly told it's time to push; I also know lots of people who didn't get an epidural because they didn't even notice they were in labor until they were already 10 cm dilated. So try not to worry so much -- I'm sure it won't be as terrifying as we have built it up to be in our heads!

[Anonymous]

OP, you can do it!

I second the suggestion to hire a doula. Also, avoid anyone who wants to share their scary labor stories and anything (tv programs) that portray labor and delivery in a frightening manor.

Instead, even if you aren't planning for a natural birth, I loved Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth, which is full of positive, empowering birth stories. It can truly change the way you view labor and delivery--did for me!

With enough education and preparation, you can go into the process informed and feel more in control.

Good luck to you! It will be so wonderful when you finally meet your baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, avoid anyone who wants to share their scary labor stories and anything (tv programs) that portray labor and delivery in a frightening manor.

I second this! What is it about people who feel the need to tell you their own personal horror/war stories from pregnancy? If you've already seen any of the TV programs, try put it in the same perspective as "Whose wedding is it anyway" and "Bridezillas" and other shows that are meant to "sell" rather than inform. Trust in yourself that you can get through this and that every pregnancy is different, so for all you know, you'll have the easiest one out there.

Also, if it's not too late, and not too granola for you, the Birthing from Within classes have a visualization called the "Birth Tiger Safari" that is designed to help women address their biggest birth fears. You may be able to contact one of the Birthing from Within instructors (look for them on Birth Options Alliance website) to see if she'll do a private session with you to help you work through your fears over the next few weeks.

[Anonymous]

You are not alone! With #1, when I was in the hospital after my water broke my blood pressure went up so high that they seemed sure I had developed pre-eclampsia (or worse)! In my case, I knew it was to be a c-section (breech baby) and I was terrified of being cut open while wide awake. I'm starting to get scared again at 30 weeks with #2...

[Anonymous]

The funny thing (well, not literally "funny") about L&D is that you once you hold your baby in your arms for the very first time you completely forget about the ordeal of pushing and the discomfort of contractions.

Just keep the end result in mind to help you get through it. You're going to be a momma and your finally going to meet your little one!

[Anonymous]

You should be terrified. That's not to say that all won't turn out great. When I was pregnant, I just kept telling myself that hundreds, thousands of women give birth everyday and have been for centuries. If they can do it, so can you.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you, OP (although I am planning on going natural). I am not terrified of the pain so much as anxious about the unknown -- this is a huge experience and as prepared as I may be (reading a ton, taking classes, hiring a doula) I still have no idea what I'm really in for. All I know is that there's a baby in there, and there are just two ways for him to come out, neither of which is particularly pleasant, and then I have the rest of my life with this person who doesn't fully exist yet. It's kind of heavy! I think it is good that you are addressing your fears, and I wish you the best of luck!

[Anonymous]

I don't think your fear is irrational at all. I'd never been through it before and I had no idea what it would be like when it happened to me. The idea of pain was scary to me. I had a relatively easy L&D and the active pushing stage hurt! So no, I don't think you're irrational to be frightened. It happens to a lot of women.

I had an epidural, too, and it made such a huge difference. Toward the end, I clicked that little button like I had a twitch. I'd have taken some old man's Lipitor is they offered it.

Sounds silly because it's so basic, but someone told me this and I found it very comforting: no matter how much it hurts, it WILL end. With every contraction, every push, just remember, it WILL end and you will be okay.

[Anonymous]

I was afraid both times. I hired a doula for the second and it was great. She was just there with a calm "everything is normal" demeanor. It was a huge help.

The one thing that made me feel better about it all was the idea that even if I don't know what to do, my body would. It helped me keep the fear in check, which makes the whole process more manageable and less painful.