Terrified of Labor and Delivery

[Anonymous]

Here's the contact info of a midwife in Virginia who is a hypnotherapist for women dealing with pregnancy and birth-related anxiety and trauma. She will do in-person as well as over-the-phone consults. Hopefully talking to someone with specialized training can help you name your fears and address them.
Francesca Lauria 540-933-6934

If anxiety continues to be an issue during labor, there are certain pain killers that can "help take the edge off" - nubain, demerol, stadol, etc. They will make you (and the baby) a bit stoned. Sometimes this is helpful if a mom is full of tension and fear.

I haven't read all the responses so forgive me if I'm repeating additional suggestions:
- a hypnobirthing class. You would learn stress reduction skills as well as what to expect during labor
- hiring a doula to help you avoid unnecessary pain and tension in labor
- hire the right OB or midwife for you (someone who will support, comfort and increase your confidence and calm)
- watching some good birth videos: Orgasmic Birth, Birth Day (produced by Sage Femme), The 3 R's (by Penny Simkin) - your doula should have access to these
- reading some good books: Ina May's Guide to Childbirth is the best.

And stop watching those awful cable drama shows about birth! I've given birth 3 times and have never had an experience like those portrayed on TV. They make it more dramatic than it really is in order to increase ratings.

Best wishes for a wonderful birth!

[Anonymous]

I totally understand the fear of the unknown. I was the only person in my childbirth class who had to leave during one of the birthing videos. I was freaked out by all the weird stuff that happens to your body. The funny thing is that DH is so squeamish that he can't even watch ER or House, and he did fine.

The good news is that being in labor is totally different from thinking about being in labor or watching a video. You just have to be present and get through it and you do. Trust me. I was calm and fine through the whole thing - induction + epidural - and am aiming to have a natural birth with a midwife this time. The fear that you feel beforehand is not related to how you respond to actually being in labor. In fact, I think that all of the anxiety that you feel ahead of time helps you to prepare to be present and calm for the actual event.

[Anonymous]

Part of it may be the loss of control.

Think about it, during pregnancy there is a loss of control - you can't do much about the physical and emotional changes for 9 months. The same with L&D - you relinquish control (and modesty) - you can't control contractions, water breaking, the timing, the position of the baby, the doctor on call, etc.

That is actually why some people have a big nesting instinct. Since organizing/planning/cleaning is the only thing they can control.

[Anonymous]

I am newly pregnant (not even married yet--but soon!) and a friend who gave birth recently asked me "so do you want to hear just how horrible it is?""" I really didn't thank you! BUT, so many of you mentioned doulas--how does one find one? Any good recs in NW DC?

thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Part of it may be the loss of control.

Think about it, during pregnancy there is a loss of control - you can't do much about the physical and emotional changes for 9 months. The same with L&D - you relinquish control (and modesty) - you can't control contractions, water breaking, the timing, the position of the baby, the doctor on call, etc.

That is actually why some people have a big nesting instinct. Since organizing/planning/cleaning is the only thing they can control.

Amen to that. By the time the baby arrived, a cast of thousands had come through my L&D room. But honestly, I could have cared less. I had other things on my mind.

[Anonymous]

For those that are recommending a doula, are there doulas who will support OP's choice of having an epidural? I might be wrong but I associate doulas with unmedicated childbirth.

[Anonymous]

I understand your fear, but rest assured that you will be fine. My first delivery was a vaginal. I had a super epidural and I have to say that I really didn't feel much of anything until it was time to really start pushing. I pushed for about 90 mins. It was exhausting, but I honestly don't remember pain -- maybe b/c I was so focused. I only remember feeling something when my son was actually coming out -- and it was really quick. Then I think they pumped up the epi again before stitching me up. Honestly, I don't recall any pain --- just excitement and exhaustion. FWIW, I did freak out right before my final three pushes --- sort of like an adrenaline rush ---my heart started racing and then I threw up (into a bucket). Then I felt really calm and focused and pushed out the baby. It was amazing. FWIW, I didn't take any classes or watch any videos -- I just listened to my doctor and the wonderful nurses.

FWIW, I had a scheduled c for medical reasons w/ #2 -- and that was fine too.

[Anonymous]

One of my good friends had a baby about a month before me last year. (We are both first time moms.) She was horrified at the thought of labor and delivery for practically the entire 40 weeks- she wouldn't even take a hospital tour for fear of freaking her self out more! As it turned out, she much preferred L&D compared to the pregnancy itself! Just thought I'd share that perspective, as it still makes me giggle.

I had a good experience, too, by the way. And mine involved an unplanned C-section. It was all a little surreal when hubby and I arrived at the hospital (water broke....er...more of a trickle I suppose). I hadn't been scared up until that point, but then it was kinda like - "ok....we are REALLY about to do this." After I processed that reality a bit more, I felt great! (One would think I'd have already had plenty of time to process!!)

Good luck, OP. And to anyone else about to go through this wonderful experience for the first time!

[Anonymous]

I had the same fear and even asked my OB for a c-section and he refused to do so unless I had a problem and needed one. Needless to say......I had an easy natural delivery (contractions hurt until epidural) but the pushing was a breeze. I actually was excited about #2 and it was even easier than #1.
BTW - whatever pain you feel is the quickest pain forgotten - I completely forgot about the contractions the minute I saw the baby and when the baby was on the final push and was pulled out it was the most exhilarating experience of my life and it felt sooo good. I know it sounds weird but you will soon see.
Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

Most doulas in NoVa are supportive of moms who want a medicated birth, although there are some exceptions. I recommend just asking outright from the start whether the doula will work with a mom who wants an epidural. Brenda Coulson and Tara Voigt of Your Body, Your Birth have been great.

[Anonymous]

Just to clarify, I think 21:20 meant to stay vaginal birth instead of natural birth since you were comparing it to an elective C/S and natural birth is w/o an epi...

[Anonymous]

21:20 here, yes I meant vaginal versus c section. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I don't have much of a question but just feel the need to write this...I am 32 weeks with my first and all I can think about is how scared I am of labor and delivery! I don't consider myself a whimp but I've never been in a great deal of pain so don't really know what my tolerance for pain is. I plan on having an epidural and am not too worried about the pain with that. I don't know what it is. The unknown maybe?

I have watched some delivery videos (and sort of wish I hadn't) and have taken a class but it didn't really help. I don't worry that something will happen to me or even to the baby so I don't know what the heck my problem is! I don't think of myself as the "hysterical" or fragile type but perhaps I am wrong......!

Has anyone else felt like this? I am thinking about it pretty much all the time.....

I felt that way and had a scheduled c-section (twice). They were awesome!

[Anonymous]

I was pretty afraid too.

I had an epidural -- was so glad I did. I slept and watched a movie or two with my husband.

I had TWO HOURS AND TEN MINUTES of pushing. I vomited several times during the pushing. Here's what I can tell you, from my perspective -- the pushing did not hurt in a horrible pain kind of way, but more like an exhaustion kind of way. And there's a lot of activity going on during the pushing, which, for me anyway, kind of helps. You're counting (well, the nurse is) during the contractions while you're bearing down, then there is a rest between contractions (no pain then), and then the contraction comes, and you count and push, etc.

In all honesty I would say that I would go through the pain of labor in a heartbeat before choosing to go through a week of the first trimester or a week of recovery. It really wasn't that bad, I promise.

[Anonymous]

Fear of the unknown is a pretty scary thing. I just delivered my first daughter on Monday night, and I was really surprised by what labor actually felt like - I was imaginging contractions to be terrible, wraparound-the-belly pains, and they were nothing like that for me. Try to go into it with an open mind - your body is designed to do this, and if things become unbearable, there are different ways to get some relief. Good luck!