Advice on How to Deal With HS Senior Who Might Not Go Away to College First Year

[Anonymous]

I have written on here before and received great advice. My daughter, only child made a mess of the first 1 1/2 years of HS and did not do well on the ACT due to test anxiety. She's a good kid and when I see her friends who got into college, its not like they are discussing Shakespeare and she is talking about the Kardashians.

She is puling B's senior year and wants to apply to colleges once her transcript for the fall is on file. What I am seeing is that the only colleges she has a chance of getting into are more party schools. What she needs is a school with a very supportive atmosphere where kids who might have been late bloomers can work with other students who are serious about achieving, not a bunch who want to get drunk every night.

One thought is that we live in a state with a very good flagship state school. We have called them and they want to see 30 community college credits above a B. She is very interested in them and they have provided a person at the school who went the community college route to "show her the ropes" about how to work towards her goals. In other words, community college would provide a second chance for her.

What kills me, and I am a very involved parent is her coming home crying about how all her friends are going away and she feels left out. She understands that she screwed up for a while and did not put in the work. I told her that its not where you start but where you finish and some of those kids will never even make it to graduation or transfer back home. I also mention that if in 4 1/2 years they are sitting in a stadium in the exact same place graduating at the same school, who cares about where the first year was done. But we were all seventeen once and she is heartbroken.

Any ideas on what else I can tell her? She really wants to get out of the house once HS is over.

[Anonymous]

What's wrong with the party schools? I know lots of successful people who went to schools like WVU, had an awesome time and then got their masters at other colleges.

[Anonymous]

Encourage her to live on campus even if the school is local.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with the party schools? I know lots of successful people who went to schools like WVU, had an awesome time and then got their masters at other colleges.

OP: do not think she has the maturity to deal with a school where that is the priority. Not expecting her to live like a nun, but really want the emphasis to be on academics. She is the type who if the group is serious about school, she will be serious about school. If they are serious about partying, that is what she will do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Encourage her to live on campus even if the school is local.

OP: we have a community college and a four year school in the area. If some of her friends go to the four year school, I have told her to consider some of the girls getting an apartment together. Even if it is four people stuffed in a one bedroom, it will at least give her some independence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with the party schools? I know lots of successful people who went to schools like WVU, had an awesome time and then got their masters at other colleges.

OP: do not think she has the maturity to deal with a school where that is the priority. Not expecting her to live like a nun, but really want the emphasis to be on academics. She is the type who if the group is serious about school, she will be serious about school. If they are serious about partying, that is what she will do.

There are studious students at every school and there are party-hardy students at every school (except maybe BYU or Wheaton College). The students attending a college are not one monolithic group.

[Anonymous]

Find her an internship or a place where she can volunteer for a year. I would allow my child to volunteer first locally, then abroad for a semester. That way she is building her resume, getting valuable experience/perspective, and a worldview with international experience. Look for an internship/volunteer position in a field she thinks she may be interested in.

[Anonymous]

I would encourage her to think outside the box and use her time at community college (and living at home) as an opportunity to take time to travel and volunteer (maybe even abroad). She wants more independence and more real life experiences (understandably). But you can get those without going away to college. Think how cool she will look if she is the one traveling to New Orleans or Costa Rica. There are certainly organizations that organize this type of travel/volunteer mix.

[Anonymous]

What is her GPA? I guess I'm confused as to why you think she won't get into a 4yr school? Even students with a 2.0 can get into a 4yr program.

[Anonymous]

Agreed. She is the perfect candidate for a gap year!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with the party schools? I know lots of successful people who went to schools like WVU, had an awesome time and then got their masters at other colleges.

OP: do not think she has the maturity to deal with a school where that is the priority. Not expecting her to live like a nun, but really want the emphasis to be on academics. She is the type who if the group is serious about school, she will be serious about school. If they are serious about partying, that is what she will do.

There are studious students at every school and there are party-hardy students at every school (except maybe BYU or Wheaton College). The students attending a college are not one monolithic group.

Agree. At no school is the mission for the students to party. OP I think you need to be a little more open minded in thinking about colleges. My DC goes to a football obsessed Big 10 school but only about 1/2 the students go to the games. So you don't need to be interested in football at a "football" school, or party at a "party" school.

Has she applied to at least some schools for next year? How is it that all her friends are already in? Did they all apply ED or EA and all were accepted? That's pretty amazing because I am hearing of lots of kids being deferred this cycle.

[Anonymous]

Is the issue that she can get into a school but you are worried about the "prestige" factor or are you saying you can't afford and out of state school. There are plenty of non-party schools she could get into.

I would send her to a school she can get into like Coastal Carolina, ECU, ODU, Radford, Elon, etc... and let her transfer later if she wants to do so.

Or

She can do a GAP year program so she can "feel" like she is "like" her friends, then come back, apply again to schools, go to the community college for 1 semester and reevaluate her options.

[Anonymous]

It hurts to watch your kid cry all the time, but the truth is, she has a lousy transcript and needs to fix it. Big pill, but it can' be swallowed. All the "ideas" that mask this fact won't help her as much as going to CC and racking up some A's.

Let her cry. She will survive this, but crying is in order. Her situation is painful.

As for her friends moving on: We all make new friends in college, anyway. By next April, she will see what happens with you go away to school when you shouldn't -- someone she knows will drop out and move home and cry a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Encourage her to live on campus even if the school is local.

Waste of huge amounts of money. You have to earn your dorm room. You screwed up and now these are the consequences. Live with them.

Op she needs to get over it, put her head down and dig in to do the work to get where she wants to be in a year. I wouldn't have too much sympathy for her. She created this. There is a clear way out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have written on here before and received great advice. My daughter, only child made a mess of the first 1 1/2 years of HS and did not do well on the ACT due to test anxiety. She's a good kid and when I see her friends who got into college, its not like they are discussing Shakespeare and she is talking about the Kardashians.

She is puling B's senior year and wants to apply to colleges once her transcript for the fall is on file. What I am seeing is that the only colleges she has a chance of getting into are more party schools. What she needs is a school with a very supportive atmosphere where kids who might have been late bloomers can work with other students who are serious about achieving, not a bunch who want to get drunk every night.

One thought is that we live in a state with a very good flagship state school. We have called them and they want to see 30 community college credits above a B. She is very interested in them and they have provided a person at the school who went the community college route to "show her the ropes" about how to work towards her goals. In other words, community college would provide a second chance for her.

What kills me, and I am a very involved parent is her coming home crying about how all her friends are going away and she feels left out. She understands that she screwed up for a while and did not put in the work. I told her that its not where you start but where you finish and some of those kids will never even make it to graduation or transfer back home. I also mention that if in 4 1/2 years they are sitting in a stadium in the exact same place graduating at the same school, who cares about where the first year was done. But we were all seventeen once and she is heartbroken.

Any ideas on what else I can tell her? She really wants to get out of the house once HS is over.

Find a small liberal arts school with a residential requirement and easy admissions standards. There are a metric ton of them. When her grades improve, she can transfer to the state school.