How do you feel when you come back from a work trip?

[Anonymous]

I feel so badly about it, but my DH is always wanting to be physically affectionate when I get back (not for sex necessarily), and I want nothing more than to come in, settle, and get my head back in the family game. Touching is almost repulsive to me - I instead want to be checking out my house, putting things away, seeing my kids, etc. I don't miss him at all when I'm gone, but I do love him and am happily married. The morning after I get back, I feel much better and am more able to be affectionate. I'm not an affectionate person by nature at all, except for with my kids, so this isn't new, but it is hurtful to him because he is. Am I alone in this?

[Anonymous]

I don't think there is anything "wrong" with your way. Needing a day to re-adust doesn't sound crazy.

What happens when you try to tell him exactly what you wrote here? Is he understanding or does he sulk?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I've never told him. I know that's bad. I just sort of hug him really quickly and find some excuse to stop the touching, and I just putter around doing stuff.

[Anonymous]

I am more concerned about the fact that you don't miss him "at all", yet you say that you are happily married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I've never told him. I know that's bad. I just sort of hug him really quickly and find some excuse to stop the touching, and I just putter around doing stuff.

OP, tell him. Just tell him that you are overwhelmed with getting your life back situated, and that it's hard for you to delve right into affection. If you tell him and he is understanding, you'll probably actually feel more affectionate anyway. Because he will feel like less of a chore and a burden. Definitely tell him!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am more concerned about the fact that you don't miss him "at all", yet you say that you are happily married.

NP. I don't find that concerning. Do you miss your husband when you go to work in the morning? I really only do when we are coming off a vacation or long weekend or extended time spent together. Otherwise, I just go to work. Work trips feel like long work days, to me.

[Anonymous]

OP here. To be honest, I don't miss my kids either. Or, I miss them on the 3rd day. My work trips are only, max, 3 nights and mostly 1 or 2, and really infrequent. But, when I have them, I'm so thrilled and content to be alone that I don't miss anyone!

[Anonymous]

I want sex as soon as I get back. But I'm a very touchy feely high sex drive female.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't feel bad about that. And don't let any posters tell you otherwise. Every person is different and every marriage is different.

When you live with people every day, day in and day out, you don't have to miss them when you are gone for 3 days. It's normal and fine to relish alone time.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't feel bad about it. It's just how you are. I miss my husband even if I'm gone for one night. I need touch as part of my love language so I'm all over him when I come back. Not necessarily sex right way but hugs and brushing up against him etc.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Even if I see my parents or long-time friends, I don't need hugs. I just don't. It seems the only physical affection I really crave is that of my children (they are little, still). But otherwise, I can do without it.

[Anonymous]

Do you really want to be touchy feely the next day? Or is the reality that, if he didn't seek you out for affection, you could forget about being affectionate toward him for weeks at a time?

[Anonymous]

Op here. I'm more open to it the next day, but if he didn't seek it out, I wouldn't need it. I'm really impacted by my menstrual cycle, so there are definitely times within the month that I want affection (and sex) and definitely times when I want neither, and, in fact, both seem repulsive to me.

[Anonymous]

OP, it might be better if you return from a business trip in the morning and then head straight into the office from the airport. It may give you the time you need to readjust without being overwhelmed/smothered by attention.

As for not missing your kids on short trips, that's totally normal! It's nice to get 48 hours just to yourself and not have to deal with kid drama, whining, or the mundane responsibilities of running a home.

[Anonymous]

I never travel for work. My husband, on the other hand, travels all the time. He barely gets in the door before he's all over me especially if he's been gone more than a night.