Hooking up with an ex, came back to bite me

[Anonymous]

Sooooo, my ex and I tried a friendship pretty soon after we broke up. We just hooked up a couple of days ago. I stopped by there today, because I was in her area, and another guy was there. I blocked her phone number, and don't want anything to do with her, anymore. I know this sounds crazy, but we tried to really be good friends, where we tell each other everything. She is sleeping with this dude, with no protection, and she's slept with 2 or 3 guys, unprotected over the last 6 weeks. I guess, what I'm asking is- she's wrong for me in every way, and don't want to be with her, but how do I get her out of my head. How can someone, so wrong and destructive, take up so much of my head space? Damn it.

[Anonymous]

Block her on everything. She is like a drug. Every time you hear her voice, see her picture or spend time with her, you are a junkie again. So you have to go cold turkey and get her out of your life.

Then get busy living a great life. Take classes, join a sports team, volunteer, travel. Anything you need to do to stay busy, but also live a great life and be the best person you can be.

Have faith that as long as you are working on becoming the best person you can be, you will eventually find the right person for you.

PS--go get tested!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Block her on everything. She is like a drug. Every time you hear her voice, see her picture or spend time with her, you are a junkie again. So you have to go cold turkey and get her out of your life.

Then get busy living a great life. Take classes, join a sports team, volunteer, travel. Anything you need to do to stay busy, but also live a great life and be the best person you can be.

Have faith that as long as you are working on becoming the best person you can be, you will eventually find the right person for you.

PS--go get tested!!

+1! OP, did you use protection?

[Anonymous]

Op here- we didn't actually sleep together, but hooked up, doing other things. I'm glad you all aren't slamming me, because I know the smart thing is to stay away from the beginning, but I couldn't. Now, i'm going to be strong. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Sooooo, my ex and I tried a friendship pretty soon after we broke up. We just hooked up a couple of days ago. I stopped by there today, because I was in her area, and another guy was there. I blocked her phone number, and don't want anything to do with her, anymore. I know this sounds crazy, but we tried to really be good friends, where we tell each other everything. She is sleeping with this dude, with no protection, and she's slept with 2 or 3 guys, unprotected over the last 6 weeks. I guess, what I'm asking is- she's wrong for me in every way, and don't want to be with her, but how do I get her out of my head. How can someone, so wrong and destructive, take up so much of my head space? Damn it.

You think you're fucking up now? Just wait until she gets pregnant.

[Anonymous]

1.Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.
2. Block. Block. Block.
3.If you think of her immediately train your mind to think of something else or do something else.
4.Remind yourself of all the reasons you split. All the bad habits.
5. Repeat steps 1 & 2

6. Go get tested. Actually this should be # 1, but do it.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I needed someone to kick me in the ass, and tell me to retrain my mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Thanks. I needed someone to kick me in the ass, and tell me to retrain my mind. [/quote]

This, OP. It takes awhile and you will feel pain. I find acknowledging that makes it easier to bear. Get into some new habits, take up running or biking or hit the gym more. Exercise will fill time and make you feel better in general. Find a new hobby that has nothing to do with any old memories of her. Once you get your life in a new direction, it will feel so much better. And you have a better shot at meeting someone who's better suited for you.

[Anonymous]

Thanks Pp. I find it harder in my 40's to bounce back, like I once did. I really don't even know how to approach women anymore. I've been out of the game for a while
v

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks Pp. I find it harder in my 40's to bounce back, like I once did. I really don't even know how to approach women anymore. I've been out of the game for a while
v

Single men in their 40s are a hot commodity. It shouldn't be hard at all. Maybe you are picking women who are wrong for you, and you could do some work on making better choices. (been there, done that myself) I don't think a woman who's sleeping around with 2-3 guys at once is really a great prize, honestly. Trying aiming a little higher. And trust me, ask your friends (especially married women) if they know any single women who are nice. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. Yea, my friends just told me that I just need to get my confidence back. My, hanging with her, is just a reflection of how I'm feeling about myself. Anyone with confidence wouldn't put up with that shit, so I'm trying to raise my personal game. My inner voice, sometimes isn't great. Thanks for all the great advice.

[Anonymous]

As PP said, think of her like heroin and treat your attachment to her like an addiction. You have to go cold turkey and work on yourself through therapy, etc.

[Anonymous]

She's probably great in bed, yes?
some women get a high off sleeping with several men unprotected off the danger and thrill....
She gives you adrenaline rush like no "nice" girl your friends will set you up with..... But on the outside she seems nice and no one knows your secret about her "real" side....
If you use protection I don't see any problem in continuing to sleep with her if you are seeing other women as well....

[Anonymous]

Are you normally attracted to women who are a little self-destructive? Because her behavior sounds like it might be. I have a couple of friends whose lives are a total mess, but they're pretty, so they always have guys lined up. That would be a huge dealbreaker for me, but I forget sometimes how visual guys can be. Plus I think some guys have a "damsel in distress" syndrome - they are attracted to woman who "need" them.

It's not just the damaged chicks who are good in bed, though. Plenty of us who don't have issues like sex, too, and are good at it. You should try to find one of those.

[Anonymous]

OP--she's your EX meaning no commitment to you; and you "just stopped by" (with no advance warning, no doubt) and she happened to be with another guy?

It makes you sound like an obsessive stalker. But it doesn't say anything at all about her.