Disfigured

[Anonymous]

I had a surgery that left me disfigured/scarred. It's not something that is obvious unless I take off my clothes. It's been years, but it's kept me from being in a relationship. I don't think I could bear the rejection or seeing disgust on a man's face. I prided myself on my looks prior to this and I know how visual men are. How can I bring something like this up and when or do I just ignore it and say nothing. Whenever I'm approached by a man I totally shut him down because I think to myself he wouldn't be interested in me if he knew what I really look like. It makes me feel totally unlovable and I don't really know why.

[Anonymous]

Op you're being too hard on yourself. There's a man out there who will find you beautiful and not even care about any scars or whatnot. Just try being friends with men and see where things lead. You never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you're being too hard on yourself. There's a man out there who will find you beautiful and not even care about any scars or whatnot. Just try being friends with men and see where things lead. You never know.

This, plus it may be helpful to talk to someone else who is n you shoes.

The way I see it is you have to choices you can just sleep with a random dude just to get it over with or you can wait until you are in a relationship with a man you trust and mention your surgery and scars and go from there. As PP said a guy who is truly into you won't care.

[Anonymous]

My aunt had boiling water slosh over her back when she was a toddler. Her entire back is one mass of scar tissue. It didn't stop her from wearing revealing swimsuits, dating, getting married and having children.

Your scars have given you anxiety and poor self-esteem. You need to work on that.

[Anonymous]

Men can be visual, but that means they want to look at you, not that they need you to be perfect. In fact, I think men are kind of oblivious. My partner truly didn't notice when i gained 20 pounds. One of my closest friends was really freaked out about her CS scar and her husband just couldn't care less. There are asses out there, but there are a lot of good guys who will just be thrilled to be with a wonderful woman. Be brave OP. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

I think the majority of men wouldn't care at all. I know my husband wouldn't. Don't let this hold you back. Would you care if a guy you dated had a scar under their clothes? Or even a disfigurement?

[Anonymous]

I think PP is right and you touched on this yourself you once put a high value on looks ( and I'm sure there is not a thing wrong with how you look now), but I think you are projecting onto guys your own insecurities or projecting on to guys what society and Cosmo tell us guys think about women's bodies.

I think dating would be good for you. I also think a little therapy to work on your self esteem, and maybe reciting some positive body image mantras to reinforce that you are beautiful inside and out.

[Anonymous]

Get therapy, OP.

I know lots of people who have been born with a physical deformity, cancer or accident survivors whose bodies look different. They've had healthy relationships. You can too.

[Anonymous]

I had a GF over 30 yrs ago who had open heart surgery as a child and had a large "T" scar on her chest. She was beautiful and had a great body (as well as being a good person). She was self conscious about it and told me up front but it had no effect on a very steamy physical relationship. It ended after I moved to another city but the point is she (we) dealt with and overcame it... I agree with the idea of counseling to help you deal with it.

[Anonymous]

I grew up with a girl, beautiful girl that had polio and wore leg braces. She married and had 4 kids. Still pretty after all these years. Good looking husband, loved her like crazy.

The other day I bought a camisole brief to hold my fat in when I wore sweaters. My husband said I worried about things he never thought about.

Love doesn't see anything but the beauty inside. We all just wear wrapping paper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a girl, beautiful girl that had polio and wore leg braces. She married and had 4 kids. Still pretty after all these years. Good looking husband, loved her like crazy.

The other day I bought a camisole brief to hold my fat in when I wore sweaters. My husband said I worried about things he never thought about.

Love doesn't see anything but the beauty inside. We all just wear wrapping paper.

Awesomely and beautifully put! Righteous hell yeah!

[Anonymous]

OP, most people look rather ugly naked. Still, humanity goes on. Chin up!

[Anonymous]

OP, if a man gets disgusted with you then he's not the man for you.

[Anonymous]

Great sex is good for reminding us that bodies don't have to be physically perfect. I re entered the dating market as the mother of two and someone who lived despite a pretty gross case of medical malpractice. I felt self-conscious about surgical scars and the ravages of childbirth until the first time I was actually completely naked with my fiance.

[Anonymous]

Chang and Eng Bunker were conjoined twins. They both married and had kids. I can imagine quite a few awkward moments around sex for ether of these things to happen, but they did.