Do you accept financial help from your family?
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Anonymous
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Have you or would you accept financial help from your family?
Under what circumstances? |
Anonymous
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Sure! If they were in a position to offer any...
Private school tuition would be nice. |
Anonymous
| My dad helped pay for IVF treatments. He's a "no-strings" guy though. I would only take money if I were convinced the person could give it freely and without strings later. |
Anonymous
define strings |
Anonymous
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Of course. But that's because my parents are really wonderful about only offering without strings. Or they will offer to pay for something specific. When we bought out house, my mother gave me "general money" that she trusted us to use as needed. My father (they are divorced) have me money to have the floors refinished and do to a few up keep tasks that needed to be done. Neither expected anything in return. We have great relationships with them and they both really like my DH. And they trust us. They just know we don't have loads of spare cash. We also have never ASKED them for money. They offer, we accept, we all move along.
It helps they are both financially well off, of course. They are not filthy rich, but have plenty of money. They enjoy being able to help us in ways their own parents were not able to help them. I hope to do the same for my kids. |
Anonymous
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Pretty much all the time. We live in DC partly to be near my family. My husband and I both make a fair amount of money, but not nearly enough to afford the lifestyle we prefer. My parents help us out with a few things that allow us to live within our means on a daily basis, but let us enjoy things we couldn't otherwise. For example, they gave us a pretty generous down payment that makes our mortgage $4k a month for a $2million home (in NW DC, walk to metro, easy commutes, more time with kids); private school tuition for our 3 kids; beach house that we use quite a bit so we're not spending $$ on more than 1 vacation a year.
They don't put strings on any of the gifts. They do enjoy that we live close so they can see their grandchildren regularly. If they stopped helping us out tomorrow, we would be fine, financially. We save a lot for retirement, our kids' college funds are fully funded, and we now have a ton of equity in our home (due to a few renovations over the years). |
Anonymous
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Strings are any sort of "pay back" that would come up for the money. So like a few years down the road you say you can't come to Christmas, will this person say "well I gave you money you have to do what I say". That kind of thing.
Will the person expect more in the future from you besides a heartfelt thank you. If the answer is yes, that's your string and be VERY WARY of it. |
Anonymous
| Yes. Partly because they are wonderful and always offer and partly because the times where we tried to earnestly decline is was taken as a super offense. We are all local. I'm an only child. In return I know I will take care of them when they need it. |
Anonymous
Do you really not know? If you're going to hear about it again after the money's been given, then there are strings. If you're expected to do something because you were given money, those are strings. My dad wrote us a check and literally never mentioned the money again. He was a good man, and we had a good relationship. I took care of him when he needed help, not because he gave us money, but because that's what our relationship was, with or without money. |
Anonymous
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Yes, I have and I would again depending on the situation. My parents give annually to the kids' 529s. My dad realized that he had given all his children except me something, so then offered to get me one as well. I initially resisted, but he wanted to make things more equal, so I agreed. They've also given us their miles for trips. They've offered to pay for piano lessons or discrete specific things for the kids - they've given us essentially a lump sum to go on a higher-end anniversary date than we would otherwise organize for ourselves. My parents just give it to be generous, not to control us, so we accept. If they were manipulative gifts, then we would decline - as these are just "nice to haves" not essential items for our family.
I think the biggest thing they've given me though is a debt-free education and I aim to give my kids the same. |
Anonymous
| We make a lot more money than they do. But I'm sure they would help if they could... |
Anonymous
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Yes but usually not in the form of money. My parents bought a new car and gave us theirs. They didn't really need a new car. We did.
I think when we were first starting out they helped us with the down payment for our house - so that's the exception. If I drive up to see them my mom will try to give me gas money by slipping me a 20. I try to give it back. We're fairly equally well-off at this point though we have more debt and they have more disposable income. I'd totally accept tuition. But I have a sibling with a serious disability so my first priority is that he's stable. If all their money goes to him I'm fine with that. |
Anonymous
| You arecafults and should be responsible enough to be on your own. |
Anonymous
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I would if they had it to offer, since I know it would be without strings.
However, they do not have it, and we help them financially. |
Anonymous
| I accepted 2k from my parents after a long NICU stay left us owing about 10k. That was ALOT of money for us (young in our 20s/early in career) and the debt seemed daunting. We took the 2k and took 3k of our own and slashed the debt in half. Then we slowly paid the 5k left over the course of the year. My parents were steady middle class but had the money. I tried to pay it back but they refused. |