Bat Mitzvah for my daughter who reads ENGLISH very poorly?
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Anonymous
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Perhaps I should post this in the religion forum, but we're not that religious. I'd be interested in guidance as to how far I should push my 10-year old daughter, now in 4th grade, to prepare for a Bat Mitzvah. I had mine when I was 12 years old, and it was very meaningful. I studied with a tutor to master the Hebrew, and I still remember the prayers and the ceremony.
My daughter reads at a third-grade level on a good day, with a lot of help from tutors (in English). She has an IEP and is a "reluctant reader," to put it mildly, though God bless graphic novels. I honestly don't think, given her abilities now, that she could handle a traditional Bat Mitzvah with all the Hebrew. Right now, she couldn't read the Bible passages in English, frankly, so even if the synagogue said, "THe rabbi will do the Hebrew and she can do the English," I'm not sure she'd be able to. My synagogue is asking us to reserve a date for two years from now. Of course, we can postpone it a year...or give up. I just don't know. It's so much extra work, and she struggles so, even with medication. It was a ton of work for me, and I loved to read and liked the Hebrew... Thoughts welcome. Yes, there's time. But I need to be less uncertain than I am now. I am thinking about alternative ceremonies, too, but they would not be Bat Mitzvahs. I remember preparing a friend for her first Holy Communion (obviously, she was much younger). She had such a hard time with anything after "What is your name?" She was a nervous wreck. She did great...of course she was with a group in white. I still remember how beautiful it was. These ceremonies are so meaningful; I don't want my child to miss out. |
Anonymous
| How is your daughter at memorization? While I did learn to read Hebrew before my Bat Mitzvah, a lot of the prep was actually listening to a tape of the tutor reading and chanting my portions and memorizing it all. |
Anonymous
| I don't think you should give up if it's something you and/or your daughter want. I assume your synagogue is aware of her needs? I know my synagogue, Temple Sinai, will work with kids to make it accessible. One thing could be to have her read/memorize simplified English -- work with the tutor to scale down the translation to something manageable. |
Anonymous
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Awful at memorizing anything. Honestly, she forgets the names of characters in books from one page to another.
We're not that religious so this would be A Big Deal for us. that's one reason why I would truly like her to become Bat Mitzvah'd. |
Anonymous
| A quick google search suggests that there is definitely a way for this to be done. I think it's great you are thinking about it when you still have a few years. I think your first step needs to be speaking with the people at your synagogue. Chances are they've either done this, or have contact with another local synagogue that could provide advice/suggestions. |
Anonymous
| You don't have to read from the Torah to become a Bat Mitzvah, OP. Speak with your rabbi and he/she should be able to help. |
Anonymous
If she reads on a third grade level now, in two years, she'll be reading at least on a third grade level (even assuming no progress). I'm sure her tutor could help scale down a synagogue-provided translation to be at a third-grade level, especially if she practices reading it ahead of time. |
Anonymous
+1. And remember hebrew is phonetic. My reluctant English reader sails through Hebrew since she can just sound out the letters. |
Anonymous
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I've seen our temple work with SN children and the children have done a fantastic job. Have also seen reluctant English readers do much better with Hebrew.
Agree that you should talk with your religious education director/cantor/Rabbi and come up with a plan. |
Anonymous
Same here. I have a learning disability that makes symbols of any kind almost impossible for me, and it wasn't discovered until I met with the cantor four months before my bat mitzvah that I couldn't read Hebrew. Dude sang it onto a tape, and I memorized that way. I also got bat mitzvahd on a Sunday which was some obscure Jewish holiday which meant a shorter haftorah portion. It was all memorization for me, no reading. If she knows lyrics to entire songs shel'll be fine. |
Anonymous
| Your daughter can have a b'nei mitzvah. |
Anonymous
I always thought b'nei mitzvah was a gender neutral way of saying more than one bar/bat mitzvah. Does it have another meaning? |
Anonymous
| Looking at the page for Rodef Shalom, they definitely work with the families/kids: http://www.templerodefshalom.org/accessibilityaccommodations/ |
Anonymous
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OP - I think you need to be proud of the reading skills your daughter has attained so far despite her disability. As others have said, do some research on how a Bat Mizvah can be done to accommodate a child with special needs to give them a reasonable chance to demonstrate knowledge of their faith -- but without undo pressure on them. Your daughter will grow in her faith traditions and your family will, too, if you can find a ceremony that will work at the skill level she is confident at today and then might build upon over the next two years. However, if you set a bar for a higher skill level in reading or memorization, it will only come down to pushing your daughter perhaps beyond her means and leading to frustration on everyone's part. Our daughter has a cognitive disability and today as a young adult reads at a solid 3rd grade/4th grade level and the material can be a simplified rendition of more detailed coverage of the same topic. A good example is to look at Barnes and Noble and see the various versions of the classics - Little Women must have four different versions, but the essence comes through for her in a book with a lot of colorful illustrations, larger print font and simpler sentences. She, in fact, made her first communion two years later than typical at age 9, without ever doing the sacrament of penance (because in our view she does not have a perception of major sin) and with a pastor who well understood that God welcomes all to his various houses of worship. Just remember God does not ask what your reading level is to worship. She did beautifully and went out to a four star restaurant with guests for a full dinner afterwards. (Subsequently she has served as a brides maid and maid of honor in her sisters' weddings.) The key it would seem is to be sure that you find a synagogue and rabbi who is flexible and can work with you and her religious tutor to design a ceremony that will demonstrate a level of competence in faith traditions that is reasonable for her to attain, on a reading level and in an amount of reading material length that she will be comfortable without undue expectations of "what she might still learn in skills." The cantor and/or rabbi participating can take on more and adjust to what works for her. Once this is nailed down, then set the date. You will find that your family and close friends will find her Bat Mizvah particularly moving and spiritually uplifting. This process because you will need to be more involved with her learning will actually be a faith journey for you her parents,too. |
Anonymous
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The most incredible bat mitzvah I attended was that of a neighbor with down syndrome. They worked with her and her own abilities. She didn't do all the readings and speeches that typical kids do, but it was personalized for her and her family.
Your community should be able to work with you on this to make it special without feeling like something is missing if you adjust it to fit her needs. |